Under the Dome: A Novel
little, then think about what to do next. Killing himself still seemed by far the best option. Because they’d catch him. He couldn’t even go back and clean up; he wouldn’t have time before Henry or LaDonna McCain came back from their Saturday errands. He could run—maybe—but not until his head stopped aching. And of course he’d have to put some clothes on. You couldn’t begin life as a fugitive buckytail naked.
    On the whole, killing himself would probably be best. Exceptthen the fucking short-order cook would win. And when you really considered the matter, all this was the fucking cook’s fault.
    At some point the fire whistle quit. Junior slept with the covers over his head. When he woke up, it was nine PM. His headache was gone.
    And the house was still empty.

CLUSTERMUG

1

    When Big Jim Rennie scrunched to a stop in his H3 Alpha Hummer (color: Black Pearl; accessories: you name it), he was a full three minutes ahead of the town cops, which was just the way he liked it. Keep ahead of the competish, that was Rennie’s motto.
    Ernie Calvert was still on the phone, but he raised a hand in a half-assed salute. His hair was in disarray and he looked nearly insane with excitement. “Yo, Big Jim, I got through to em!”
    “Through to who?” Rennie asked, not paying much attention. He was looking at the still-burning pyre of the pulp-truck, and at the wreckage of what was clearly a plane. This was a mess, one that could mean a black eye for the town, especially with the two newest firewagons over in The Rock. A training exercise he had approved of … but Andy Sanders’s signature was the one on the approval form, because Andy was First Selectman. That was good. Rennie was a great believer in what he called the Protectability Quotient, and being Second Selectman was a prime example of the Quotient in action; you got all of the power (at least when the First was a nit like Sanders), but rarely had to take the blame when things went wrong.
    And this was what Rennie—who had given his heart to Jesus at age sixteen and did not use foul language—called “a clustermug.” Steps would have to be taken. Control would have to be imposed. And he couldn’t count on that elderly ass Howard Perkins to do the job. Perkins might have been a perfectly adequate police chief twenty years ago, but this was a new century.
    Rennie’s frown deepened as he surveyed the scene. Too many spectators. Of course there were always too many at things such as this; people loved blood and destruction. And some of these appeared to be playing a bizarre sort of game: seeing how far they could lean over, or something.
    Bizarre.
    “You people get back from there!” he shouted. He had a good voice for giving orders, big and confident. “That’s an accident site!”
    Ernie Calvert—another idiot, the town was full of them, Rennie supposed any town was—tugged at his sleeve. He looked more excited than ever. “Got through to the ANG, Big Jim, and—”
    “The who? The
what
? What are you talking about?”
    “The Air National Guard!”
    Worse and worse. People playing games, and this fool calling the—
    “Ernie, why would you call them, for gosh sakes?”
    “Because he said … the guy said …” But Ernie couldn’t remember exactly what Barbie had said, so he moved on. “Well anyway, the colonel at the ANG listened to what I was telling him, then connected me with Homeland Security in their Portland office. Put me right through!”
    Rennie slapped his hands to his cheeks, a thing he did often when he was exasperated. It made him look like a cold-eyed Jack Benny. Like Benny, Big Jim did indeed tell jokes from time to time (always clean ones). He joked because he sold cars, and because he knew politicians were
supposed
to joke, especially when election time came around. So he kept a small rotating stock of what he called “funnies” (as in “Do you boys want to hear a funny?”). He memorized these much as a tourist in a foreign

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