Read Online Uncle John’s Briefs by Bathroom Readers’ Institute - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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former Soviet republics Latvia, Lithuania, and Estonia. These eastern European nations are bordered by the Baltic Sea, and other than geographic proximity they have little in common. Latvians and Lithuanians speak related languages, but Estonians use a language similar to Finnish.
ASIA MINOR. A peninsula in western Asia, bounded by the Black Sea on the north and the Mediterranean Sea on the south. The entire landmass is occupied by Turkey. It gets its name from the fact that it’s a small part of Asia that connects the continent to Europe.
THE TROPICS. The Tropics is a band between two imaginary lines that circle the Earth, parallel to the equator. The Tropic of Capricorn is 23° south of the equator, and the Tropic of Cancer is 23° north of it. The distinguishing characteristic of the region is that the Sun is directly overhead at least once a year. This makes for very warm climates in locales like Brazil, Polynesia, and northern Australia. The two Tropics are named after the constellations where the Sun was positioned, in ancient times, during the summer solstice.
SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA. The Sahara Desert stretches across the northern third of Africa through Algeria, Libya, Egypt, Sudan, Niger, Chad, Mauritania, Mali, Morocco, and Tunisia. These nations, some of which have oil-based economies, are largely made up of Muslim Arabic peoples. Nations south of the desert, in sub-Saharan Africa (“below the Sahara”), are inhabited mostly by non-Arabic people. The climate is much hotter and there’s little oil.
Karmit Tzubera and Dror Orpaz won a kissing contest in 1999. Time: 30 hours, 45 minutes.
DUMB CROOKS
Our favorite crooks are the ones who do something dumb, and then do something even dumber .
E MPTY YOUR BRAINS IN THIS TRAY “Clyde Lamar Pace II made two mistakes. The first, Polk County sheriff’s deputies say, was when he emptied his pockets to pass through a courthouse metal detector and apparently forgot about the small bag of marijuana. He threw it in a baggie without realizing it, and the person working the security post said, ‘Hey, what’s this?’ Chief Deputy Bill Vaughn said. ‘He gave that old “uh-oh, I’ve-been-caught” look, and the chase was on.’ The second mistake was when he ran away from deputies, directly into a locked revolving door. Pace, 18, was arrested for drug possession and resisting arrest.”
—The Des Moines Register
THANKS, MOM
“Trilane A. Ludwig, 24, of Vancouver, was arrested after a traffic stop early New Year’s Day. At 5:30 a.m. he called his mother, Angela Beckham, and asked her to bail him out with the money in his wallet. She handed $500 to a clerk, who suspected the money was phony and called police. The police report described the counterfeit bills as bad copies that were the wrong size. Beckham said she wasn’t going to shell out any real cash to bail him out. The case has been referred to the Secret Service.”
—Kansas City Star
THEY’LL NEVER FIND ME HERE…OR HERE
“In December 1999, Christopher S. Newsome broke into the Delaware County Courthouse in Muncie, Indiana, and stole $25 from the receptionist’s desk. He then hid in a closet, where a janitor found him. When the janitor went to call authorities, Newsome sprinted out of the courthouse, through a parking lot, and toward a nearby building. Unfortunately for Newsome, that building was the county jail. Moments later, the 26-year-old was in handcuffs.”
—Realpolice.net
Nothing new: The first weight loss pill was marketed in 1893.
HOW’D YOU GUYS FIND ME?
“Police didn’t have much trouble finding Joshua W. Kochell, 27, who they say robbed two Lafayette, Indiana, gas stations. They tracked him through the monitoring device he was ordered to wear on a 2001 sentence for theft and habitual offense. Kochell was being held in Tippecanoe County Jail on $60,000 bond.”
—Associated Press
GUILTY AND GUILTIER
“A New York woman who was given probation for robbery faces four years in jail
ASIA MINOR. A peninsula in western Asia, bounded by the Black Sea on the north and the Mediterranean Sea on the south. The entire landmass is occupied by Turkey. It gets its name from the fact that it’s a small part of Asia that connects the continent to Europe.
THE TROPICS. The Tropics is a band between two imaginary lines that circle the Earth, parallel to the equator. The Tropic of Capricorn is 23° south of the equator, and the Tropic of Cancer is 23° north of it. The distinguishing characteristic of the region is that the Sun is directly overhead at least once a year. This makes for very warm climates in locales like Brazil, Polynesia, and northern Australia. The two Tropics are named after the constellations where the Sun was positioned, in ancient times, during the summer solstice.
SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA. The Sahara Desert stretches across the northern third of Africa through Algeria, Libya, Egypt, Sudan, Niger, Chad, Mauritania, Mali, Morocco, and Tunisia. These nations, some of which have oil-based economies, are largely made up of Muslim Arabic peoples. Nations south of the desert, in sub-Saharan Africa (“below the Sahara”), are inhabited mostly by non-Arabic people. The climate is much hotter and there’s little oil.
Karmit Tzubera and Dror Orpaz won a kissing contest in 1999. Time: 30 hours, 45 minutes.
DUMB CROOKS
Our favorite crooks are the ones who do something dumb, and then do something even dumber .
E MPTY YOUR BRAINS IN THIS TRAY “Clyde Lamar Pace II made two mistakes. The first, Polk County sheriff’s deputies say, was when he emptied his pockets to pass through a courthouse metal detector and apparently forgot about the small bag of marijuana. He threw it in a baggie without realizing it, and the person working the security post said, ‘Hey, what’s this?’ Chief Deputy Bill Vaughn said. ‘He gave that old “uh-oh, I’ve-been-caught” look, and the chase was on.’ The second mistake was when he ran away from deputies, directly into a locked revolving door. Pace, 18, was arrested for drug possession and resisting arrest.”
—The Des Moines Register
THANKS, MOM
“Trilane A. Ludwig, 24, of Vancouver, was arrested after a traffic stop early New Year’s Day. At 5:30 a.m. he called his mother, Angela Beckham, and asked her to bail him out with the money in his wallet. She handed $500 to a clerk, who suspected the money was phony and called police. The police report described the counterfeit bills as bad copies that were the wrong size. Beckham said she wasn’t going to shell out any real cash to bail him out. The case has been referred to the Secret Service.”
—Kansas City Star
THEY’LL NEVER FIND ME HERE…OR HERE
“In December 1999, Christopher S. Newsome broke into the Delaware County Courthouse in Muncie, Indiana, and stole $25 from the receptionist’s desk. He then hid in a closet, where a janitor found him. When the janitor went to call authorities, Newsome sprinted out of the courthouse, through a parking lot, and toward a nearby building. Unfortunately for Newsome, that building was the county jail. Moments later, the 26-year-old was in handcuffs.”
—Realpolice.net
Nothing new: The first weight loss pill was marketed in 1893.
HOW’D YOU GUYS FIND ME?
“Police didn’t have much trouble finding Joshua W. Kochell, 27, who they say robbed two Lafayette, Indiana, gas stations. They tracked him through the monitoring device he was ordered to wear on a 2001 sentence for theft and habitual offense. Kochell was being held in Tippecanoe County Jail on $60,000 bond.”
—Associated Press
GUILTY AND GUILTIER
“A New York woman who was given probation for robbery faces four years in jail
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