Read Online Uncle Dynamite by P.G. Wodehouse - Free Book Online Page B

pining for Pongo, and it was a relief
when the waiter, arriving with truite bleue, broke a tension which had
begun to be uncomfortable.
    ‘Tell
me about Otis,’ he said.
    Sally
smiled a rather twisted smile.
    ‘You
needn’t be tactful, Uncle Fred. I don’t mind talking about Pongo. At least ….
No, of course I don’t. Have you seen him lately?’
    ‘He
left me this afternoon. He turned up yesterday and spent the night.’
    ‘How
was he looking?’
    ‘Oh,
very well.’
    ‘Did he
speak about me?’
    ‘Yes.
And when I cursed him for being ass enough to part brass rags with you, he told
me the inside story.’
    ‘About
my wanting him to smuggle Alice Vansittart’s jewels into America ?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘I was
a fool to get mad. And it was all so unnecessary, as it turned out.’
    ‘The
Vansittart decided on reflection to pay duty?’
    ‘No.
But I thought of a much better way of slipping the stuff through. I’m not going
to tell even you what it was, but it’s a peach of a way. It can’t fail. Alice is crazy about it.’
    She
spoke with a girlish animation which encouraged Lord Ickenham to hope that her
heart was, after all, not irretrievably broken. That bright, moist look had
gone from her eyes, leaving in its place a gleam not unlike that of which Pongo
had so disapproved, when he had seen it in the eyes of his Uncle Fred.
    ‘She
is, is she?’
    ‘When I
told her, she clapped her hands in glee.’
    ‘You
realize, of course, that it is very wrong to deceive the United States Customs
authorities?’
    ‘Yes,
it makes me miserable. Poor darlings.’
    ‘Still,
there it is. So you and Pongo need not have split up at all.’
    ‘No.’
    ‘It was
silly of him to take your breaking the engagement so seriously. My dear wife
broke ours six times, and each time I came up smiling.’
    ‘I
ought to have remembered that Pongo does take things seriously.’
    ‘Yes. A
saintly character, but muttonheaded.’
    ‘And
now he’s gone and got engaged to Hermione, only daughter of Sir Aylmer Bostock
and Lady Bostock, of Ashenden Manor, Ashenden Oakshott, Hants. Oh, well. Do you
know her, Uncle Fred?’
    ‘No, I’ve
seen her photograph.’
    ‘So
have I. It was in the Tatler. She’s very good-looking.’
    ‘If you
admire that type of looks.’
    ‘Pongo
seems to.’
    ‘Yes.
For the moment you might describe him as being under the ether. But there will
be a bitter awakening.’
    ‘You can’t
know that just from seeing her photograph.’
    ‘Yes, I
can. She’ll give him the devil.’
    ‘Oh,
poor angel.’
    There
was another silence.
    ‘Well,
what is it you want me to ask him to do for you?’ said Lord Ickenham. ‘I may
mention that I’m pretty sure he will do it, whatever it is. He’s still damned
fond of you, Sally.’
    ‘Oh,
no.’
    ‘He is,
I tell you. He confessed as much, in so many words.’
    A
dazzling smile flashed out on Sally’s face. The waiter, who was bringing
chicken en casserole, caught it head-on and nearly dropped the dish.
    ‘Did
he?’
    ‘And
don’t forget that he still retained enough of the old affection to send you a
customer in the shape of Sir Aylmer Bostock.’
    ‘Was it
Pongo who got me that job? How like him,’ said Sally softly. ‘I love him for
that. Though unfortunately it was through my doing that bust that poor Otis’s
trouble came about.’
    ‘How
did that happen?’
    ‘Well,
to begin at the beginning, I did the bust.’
    ‘Quite.’
    ‘And
during the process, of course, my sitter and I talked of this and that.’
    ‘Was his
conversation entertaining?’
    ‘Not
very. He was rather inclined to compare my efforts to their disadvantage with
those of a sculptor who did a bust of him when he retired.’
    ‘The
one that stands — or stood — in the hall at Ashenden?’
    ‘Yes.
However did you know?’
    ‘Wait,
my child. I shall shortly be telling you a story of my own. Go on. He conversed
with you, but you did not find him very entertaining.’
    ‘No.
But he said