Read Online Blurred by Tara Fuller - Free Book Online

with every day. It must be normal for you.”
    I thought of the eyes of the souls I carried over every day. Full of wonder and light and hope. Even the memory of them dimmed in the darkness that surrounded Cash and his uncertain future. And I thought about the warm, unsteady feeling Cash left blooming in my chest every time I looked at him. The way, even now, my fingers ached to close the small space between our hands.
    “No,” I said. “This isn’t normal for me.”
    We stared at each other for an immeasurable moment. It felt like we’d been here before. Looking at each other from inches away. The phone in the cup holder between us vibrated and Cash broke eye contact to grab it. He looked at the message on the display and tossed it back without answering it.
    “Emma?”
    He stared at the phone in the cup holder. “Yeah.”
    “Why are you blaming her for this?”
    Cash opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He finally shook his head, staring at the steering wheel. “Because I don’t know what else to do.”
    I pulled my legs up underneath me and the golden light from my eyes spilled across the vinyl seat between us. “You know this isn’t her fault. Even if you hadn’t decided to go into that fire, fate would have found another way. I still would have been sent to stop it.”
    When he didn’t say anything, I went on. “She would have chosen to burn in that house rather than get you involved if she’d been given the choice. You know that, right?”
    Cash looked out his window and drew lazy circles on the glass with his fingertip. “I know that.”
    I watched him carve shapes in the foggy window until he rested his forehead against the glass and exhaled.
    “You love her.” It wasn’t a question. It was clear. And for reasons I couldn’t place, my chest twisted in discomfort as I admitted it out loud for both of us.
    “Of course I love her. But…” He paused and sat back in his seat. “She’s my best friend.”
    “It’s more than that.”
    He sighed and ran his palms in circles over the steering wheel. “You don’t get it. Nobody does.”
    “Then help me understand.”
    “She saves me,” he said, quietly.
    I cocked my head to the side, trying to figure out what the look on his face meant. “From what?”
    He laughed, bitterly. “Myself. Half the time, I feel like I’m drowning. Even before this. Like I’m in a room full of people screaming my lungs out and none of them can hear me. But Emma…she always hears me. She never lets me sink. She never lets me go, even when I know damn good and well it would be easier for her if she did.” His hands dropped into his lap and he finally gave in and met my gaze again. “But she can’t save me from this.”
    Outside the window, behind him, a shadow slipped like sludge down the glass. Another slid across the hood before disappearing into the night. The desperation seeping out of him was drawing them in like cattle called to feed. He knew they were there. I could tell. But he didn’t let his fear show.
    “No,” I said, softly. “She can’t.”
    Cash pressed his lips together and nodded as if he’d hoped for a different answer but hadn’t expected it. After a silent moment he asked, “What’s it like?”
    “What?”
    His gaze met mine. “Dying.”
    I thought back to the day I left my flesh behind. I’d been so foolish thinking death could give me escape. That it would lead me home. I turned toward the window and blinked away the memories. “It’s different for everyone.”
    “For you,” he said. “I want to know what it was like for you.”
    I bit my lip, fighting the ache swelling in my chest. “It was like being lost. Being lost and thinking I’d finally made it home, only to realize I’d taken a wrong turn, and was still a world away from where I wanted to be.”
    My voice broke and Cash moved across the seat in one swift motion. “Hey…I didn’t mean to—”
    I placed my palm on the seat to scoot away and his fingers