my purple water canteen—the only one I’d use during grade school. We’d clink our glasses and make up fake toasts. To Sutton, my dad would say, the most agile trailblazer to cross Sabino Canyon since 1962. I’d tap my purple canteen against his, and say, To Dad, your hair is getting kinda gray, but you’re still the fastest climber these parts have ever seen! We’d laugh and laugh as each toast became sillier than the one before.
It feels like ages have passed since my dad and I were close like that, and I know it’s my fault as much as his. I stare up at the stars that dot the dark sky and resolve to try a little harder with him. Maybe I can get our relationship back to the way it used to be.
I step carefully to the edge. “Dad had just one rule,” I go on. “I had to stay away from this ledge. There were all kinds of rumors that people fell right over the side. No one could rappel down to get their bodies—the drop is too steep—so there are a bunch of skeletons down there.”
“Don’t worry,” Thayer says, wrapping his arms around me. “I won’t let you fall.”
My heart suddenly melts. I lean forward and press my lips to his. His arms wrap around my waist, pulling my body into his. His hands are in my hair as he returns my kiss.
“Don’t leave me again,” I plead. I can’t help myself. “Don’t go back to wherever it is you’re hiding.”
He kisses my cheek and pulls away to look at me. “I can’t explain right now,” he says. “But I can’t be here—not now. I promise, though, that I won’t be gone forever.”
His hands cup my chin. I want to understand. I want to be strong. But it’s so hard. Then I notice a white woven rope bracelet on his wrist. “Where’d you get that?” I ask, pinching the rough twine between my fingers.
Thayer shrugs and avoids my glance. “Maria made it for me.”
“ Maria?” I stiffen. “Is she cute?”
“She’s just a friend,” Thayer says, his tone gruff and hard.
“ What kind of friend?” I press. “Where did you meet her?”
I feel his muscles tense beneath his gray T-shirt. “It doesn’t matter. Anyway, how’s Garrett doing?” He says the name Garrett like it’s a flesh-eating disease.
I turn away, filled with guilt. I love Garrett—in a way. He’s a good boyfriend. And he’s here, in Tucson, not God-knows-where like Thayer. But there’s something I can’t explain that pulls me to Thayer and makes me want to sneak around with him like this. It’s like every reason I give myself to stop doesn’t matter.
Thayer shifts closer to me. “When I come back, will things be different between us?” he asks in a low voice. He curls his palms around my hip bones, gripping me tight.
Our bodies are so close. I focus on his full bottom lip, wishing I knew how to answer him. When I’m with him, all I want is him. But I can’t deny that part of what makes our relationship work is that we’ve kept it a secret.
“I want to, but I don’t know,” I whisper. “There’s Laurel. And God knows how Madeline would deal. It’s so … complicated, don’t you think?”
Thayer disentangles himself from me, kicking at a fallen tree branch. “You’re the one who keeps begging me to come back.” The cold, closed-off tone is back.
“Thayer,” I protest. “Remember that no-fighting thing?”
But he won’t look at me. He mutters something beneath his breath. Suddenly, his foot flies out. There’s a crack as his toes make contact with one of the big boulders in the clearing.
“Are you trying to break all your bones?” I cry. Thayer doesn’t answer. I take a step closer and put what I hope is a soothing hand on his shoulder. “Thayer, listen. I do want you here. I miss you like crazy. But maybe right now isn’t the best time for us to tell everyone how we feel.”
Thayer whirls around. “Really, Sutton?” he spits. “Well, I’m sorry our relationship is less important than you maintaining appearances.”
I grab for his
It feels like ages have passed since my dad and I were close like that, and I know it’s my fault as much as his. I stare up at the stars that dot the dark sky and resolve to try a little harder with him. Maybe I can get our relationship back to the way it used to be.
I step carefully to the edge. “Dad had just one rule,” I go on. “I had to stay away from this ledge. There were all kinds of rumors that people fell right over the side. No one could rappel down to get their bodies—the drop is too steep—so there are a bunch of skeletons down there.”
“Don’t worry,” Thayer says, wrapping his arms around me. “I won’t let you fall.”
My heart suddenly melts. I lean forward and press my lips to his. His arms wrap around my waist, pulling my body into his. His hands are in my hair as he returns my kiss.
“Don’t leave me again,” I plead. I can’t help myself. “Don’t go back to wherever it is you’re hiding.”
He kisses my cheek and pulls away to look at me. “I can’t explain right now,” he says. “But I can’t be here—not now. I promise, though, that I won’t be gone forever.”
His hands cup my chin. I want to understand. I want to be strong. But it’s so hard. Then I notice a white woven rope bracelet on his wrist. “Where’d you get that?” I ask, pinching the rough twine between my fingers.
Thayer shrugs and avoids my glance. “Maria made it for me.”
“ Maria?” I stiffen. “Is she cute?”
“She’s just a friend,” Thayer says, his tone gruff and hard.
“ What kind of friend?” I press. “Where did you meet her?”
I feel his muscles tense beneath his gray T-shirt. “It doesn’t matter. Anyway, how’s Garrett doing?” He says the name Garrett like it’s a flesh-eating disease.
I turn away, filled with guilt. I love Garrett—in a way. He’s a good boyfriend. And he’s here, in Tucson, not God-knows-where like Thayer. But there’s something I can’t explain that pulls me to Thayer and makes me want to sneak around with him like this. It’s like every reason I give myself to stop doesn’t matter.
Thayer shifts closer to me. “When I come back, will things be different between us?” he asks in a low voice. He curls his palms around my hip bones, gripping me tight.
Our bodies are so close. I focus on his full bottom lip, wishing I knew how to answer him. When I’m with him, all I want is him. But I can’t deny that part of what makes our relationship work is that we’ve kept it a secret.
“I want to, but I don’t know,” I whisper. “There’s Laurel. And God knows how Madeline would deal. It’s so … complicated, don’t you think?”
Thayer disentangles himself from me, kicking at a fallen tree branch. “You’re the one who keeps begging me to come back.” The cold, closed-off tone is back.
“Thayer,” I protest. “Remember that no-fighting thing?”
But he won’t look at me. He mutters something beneath his breath. Suddenly, his foot flies out. There’s a crack as his toes make contact with one of the big boulders in the clearing.
“Are you trying to break all your bones?” I cry. Thayer doesn’t answer. I take a step closer and put what I hope is a soothing hand on his shoulder. “Thayer, listen. I do want you here. I miss you like crazy. But maybe right now isn’t the best time for us to tell everyone how we feel.”
Thayer whirls around. “Really, Sutton?” he spits. “Well, I’m sorry our relationship is less important than you maintaining appearances.”
I grab for his
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