would act like it was no big deal, start talking about his new room mate or his Firebird assignment. But we would both know that he’d practically begged me to go to Dallas to be with him and in the end I’d said no.
Why, for Christ’s sake, was I going to wound him so badly?
Walk, get a distance. Remember how much you love him and he loves you.
Look up at the branches of the redwoods, breathe in their sharp, resin scent.
Breathe.
The grounds of the New Dawn Community were beautifully laid out, I realized. A row of small log cabins was hidden amongst stands of aspens, connected by a trail just wide enough for two people to walk side by side. Surrounded by silver trunks and rustling branches, each one was secluded and simple, totally the opposite to Amos’s showy spread. Behind them, the hill rose steeply to a granite cliff and a jagged horizon which stood in deep evening shade. Below was an almost sheer drop to the lake shore, meaning the trail through the aspens was the only way in and out.
I carried on walking, ready to double back whenever Grace called me to say she and Holly were all set to leave. It didn’t happen so I left the cabins behind and followed the trail through thicker aspens until I came to a creek tumbling over rocks on its way down to the lake. Should I cross it? Did the path continue on the far side? I stood a while, the palm of one hand flat against the rough bark of a nearby tree, looking down at the clear, gushing water. Then I glanced up across the creek and came face to face with Jarrold. He must have been there all along, hidden in the trees, only stepping out when I stopped to consider my options and still blending into the background in khaki sweatshirt and black jeans.
‘Sorry, I didn’t …’ I began. I turned around, ready to quit bothering him and walk away.
‘You were at the ceremony,’ he said in a deep, slow drawl.
So I turned back, spoke above the splashing, gurgling stream. ‘I saw you there too.’
‘We all were. Channing, Regan, Kaylee, Blake, Marta, Ava – everyone.’ Jarrold stepped across to my side, totally sure-footed on the sloping, wet rocks.
‘You were a triathlete. You dived down to rescue Conner.’ And you either did or did not deliberately kick your fellow competitor in the head before he drowned, I thought. Depending on which of Holly’s versions I choose to believe.
He met my gaze but his grey eyes were troubled. ‘Conner was my buddy.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Instantly sorry for even thinking that Holly’s homicide theory might be true. Honestly, I felt guilty as I looked him in the eye.
‘We shared a cabin – him, me and Channing.’
‘Really, it sucks.’
‘Me, Conner, Kaylee, Ava – we were a team. Just last week we walked the wilderness.’
I ran out of apologies, shook my head and stared at my feet, shaking off the guilt and starting to feel actively angry that Holly had planted the seed of suspicion against Jarrold, who looked and sounded to me like he was genuinely suffering. And I was knocked off balance for a different reason. This guy’s presence was strong and physical and I sensed that I could easily find him way too attractive. So I refused to look up again and take that risk.
‘You were there on Saturday to watch your buddy?’
‘Holly Randle.’
‘She has guts,’ Jarrold said. ‘The currents were strong down there. They dragged us all to hell.’
The double-headed serpent hisses. A corpse drifts and turns amongst the weeds and silt. Coffin lids lift – skulls, ribs, thigh bones float free .
‘Yeah, Holly – she always gives one hundred and ten per cent.’
‘So she’s OK?’
For some reason Jarrold’s question bothered me and I made myself look up again. ‘Why shouldn’t she be?’
‘No reason. An experience like that could be traumatic, I guess.’
‘For her but not for you?’
‘Not when you believe.’ He gazed steadily back, half in the setting sun, half in shade.
‘Believe in what
Why, for Christ’s sake, was I going to wound him so badly?
Walk, get a distance. Remember how much you love him and he loves you.
Look up at the branches of the redwoods, breathe in their sharp, resin scent.
Breathe.
The grounds of the New Dawn Community were beautifully laid out, I realized. A row of small log cabins was hidden amongst stands of aspens, connected by a trail just wide enough for two people to walk side by side. Surrounded by silver trunks and rustling branches, each one was secluded and simple, totally the opposite to Amos’s showy spread. Behind them, the hill rose steeply to a granite cliff and a jagged horizon which stood in deep evening shade. Below was an almost sheer drop to the lake shore, meaning the trail through the aspens was the only way in and out.
I carried on walking, ready to double back whenever Grace called me to say she and Holly were all set to leave. It didn’t happen so I left the cabins behind and followed the trail through thicker aspens until I came to a creek tumbling over rocks on its way down to the lake. Should I cross it? Did the path continue on the far side? I stood a while, the palm of one hand flat against the rough bark of a nearby tree, looking down at the clear, gushing water. Then I glanced up across the creek and came face to face with Jarrold. He must have been there all along, hidden in the trees, only stepping out when I stopped to consider my options and still blending into the background in khaki sweatshirt and black jeans.
‘Sorry, I didn’t …’ I began. I turned around, ready to quit bothering him and walk away.
‘You were at the ceremony,’ he said in a deep, slow drawl.
So I turned back, spoke above the splashing, gurgling stream. ‘I saw you there too.’
‘We all were. Channing, Regan, Kaylee, Blake, Marta, Ava – everyone.’ Jarrold stepped across to my side, totally sure-footed on the sloping, wet rocks.
‘You were a triathlete. You dived down to rescue Conner.’ And you either did or did not deliberately kick your fellow competitor in the head before he drowned, I thought. Depending on which of Holly’s versions I choose to believe.
He met my gaze but his grey eyes were troubled. ‘Conner was my buddy.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Instantly sorry for even thinking that Holly’s homicide theory might be true. Honestly, I felt guilty as I looked him in the eye.
‘We shared a cabin – him, me and Channing.’
‘Really, it sucks.’
‘Me, Conner, Kaylee, Ava – we were a team. Just last week we walked the wilderness.’
I ran out of apologies, shook my head and stared at my feet, shaking off the guilt and starting to feel actively angry that Holly had planted the seed of suspicion against Jarrold, who looked and sounded to me like he was genuinely suffering. And I was knocked off balance for a different reason. This guy’s presence was strong and physical and I sensed that I could easily find him way too attractive. So I refused to look up again and take that risk.
‘You were there on Saturday to watch your buddy?’
‘Holly Randle.’
‘She has guts,’ Jarrold said. ‘The currents were strong down there. They dragged us all to hell.’
The double-headed serpent hisses. A corpse drifts and turns amongst the weeds and silt. Coffin lids lift – skulls, ribs, thigh bones float free .
‘Yeah, Holly – she always gives one hundred and ten per cent.’
‘So she’s OK?’
For some reason Jarrold’s question bothered me and I made myself look up again. ‘Why shouldn’t she be?’
‘No reason. An experience like that could be traumatic, I guess.’
‘For her but not for you?’
‘Not when you believe.’ He gazed steadily back, half in the setting sun, half in shade.
‘Believe in what
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