voice is squeaky with fear.
“I think it’s you that should get out.” My voice is cold and hard and the sound of it scares me even more than it does him. That voice does not come from a good place. It comes from a part of me that I’m supposed to have left behind. Before I know it, I’ve pulled Tyrone up and out of the door, his face so close to mine I can almost taste the sweat standing out on his skin.
I’m trying to reel it back in and my silence gives him a chance to speak. “I don’t know what you think you saw…”
“I think I saw you behind a door with a girl who I just heard yell ‘no’ at you.” My grip on myself is distinctly less steady than the one I’ve got on the boy in front of me.
“You what?” Puzzled then horrified. “No, it’s not like that. I wasn’t … shit, man, you think I’d do that?”
He takes my silence to mean that I do.
“Aaron! There’s no way I’d force myself on a girl. I swear. We were fooling around and it was all fine then she just went mental. I swear. We wasn’t even doing anything yet. I swear on my life , man. Swear it.”
I walk past him and shut the door. He might be telling the truth, but I’ll wait and hear Hannah’s side. Although she’s pulled her dress down, she’s still shaking, so I take off my jumper and give it to her.
“Thanks,” she says as she wraps it around her. “You must think I’m such a head case.”
“I don’t really think anything.”
“I heard what you said to Tyrone. Don’t worry, no one can make me do anything I don’t want to do. Least of all him. Least of all that.” She smiles as she says it, fleeting and small.
“I’m glad to hear it,” I say. “I didn’t want to have to fight him.”
It sounds like a joke and Hannah smiles again, a little bigger.
“That doesn’t surprise me.” Then she sighs and she seems faded, deflated, miserable. “I just want to go home.”
HANNAH
Aaron walked me home. We didn’t talk much, but it was nice to have the company.
All I can think about is how this happened. I use condoms, FFS, and I know they were all on properly because I’m the one doing it. Tyrone put up a bit of a fight, but if he’s refusing to wear one for me… I know I’ve got a reputation – ask Katie who I lost it to and she’ll say it was the summer-jobber at Lola’s playgroup, ask anyone at school and they’ll say whatever name they saw scratched in a park bench or heard whispered in the corridor – but whatever, whoever, whenever they say, I’m not a skank. There are times when it’s not been, like, full-on sex, but has there been a tiny possibility of something ending up where it shouldn’t…? No. There is definitely no chance that I got pregnant from not wearing knickers in a nightclub and straddling that guy’s lap while we pulled. That’s the kind of question you read in problem pages and the agony aunt calls you out for being incredibly stupid on more than one level.
But I am being stupid, because I know exactly when this happened, don’t I?
Yeah, I use condoms. Except for that one time, with that one person…
I open up the text conversation we had afterwards and skim down the threads until I reach the last one I sent:
Just a 1 nite thing? thats it? srsly?!
And I make myself read his reply, no matter how much I know it will hurt:
What did u think was going to happen?
Not this, that’s for sure.
SATURDAY 24 TH OCTOBER
HALF-TERM
HANNAH
There’s an angry voicemail from Katie. She must have been drunk when she left it because all her words are slurred together and she repeats herself a few times. There’s something about being worried. (Which meant she hadn’t checked her texts before calling me. As if I’d leave without telling her.) Then she tells me that Tyrone was looking for me. And something that’s so garbled I only catch Rex’s name after the second listen. Basically, I’m a bad friend.
I stare at the text I’m about to send.
Im pregnant…
Then I
“I think it’s you that should get out.” My voice is cold and hard and the sound of it scares me even more than it does him. That voice does not come from a good place. It comes from a part of me that I’m supposed to have left behind. Before I know it, I’ve pulled Tyrone up and out of the door, his face so close to mine I can almost taste the sweat standing out on his skin.
I’m trying to reel it back in and my silence gives him a chance to speak. “I don’t know what you think you saw…”
“I think I saw you behind a door with a girl who I just heard yell ‘no’ at you.” My grip on myself is distinctly less steady than the one I’ve got on the boy in front of me.
“You what?” Puzzled then horrified. “No, it’s not like that. I wasn’t … shit, man, you think I’d do that?”
He takes my silence to mean that I do.
“Aaron! There’s no way I’d force myself on a girl. I swear. We were fooling around and it was all fine then she just went mental. I swear. We wasn’t even doing anything yet. I swear on my life , man. Swear it.”
I walk past him and shut the door. He might be telling the truth, but I’ll wait and hear Hannah’s side. Although she’s pulled her dress down, she’s still shaking, so I take off my jumper and give it to her.
“Thanks,” she says as she wraps it around her. “You must think I’m such a head case.”
“I don’t really think anything.”
“I heard what you said to Tyrone. Don’t worry, no one can make me do anything I don’t want to do. Least of all him. Least of all that.” She smiles as she says it, fleeting and small.
“I’m glad to hear it,” I say. “I didn’t want to have to fight him.”
It sounds like a joke and Hannah smiles again, a little bigger.
“That doesn’t surprise me.” Then she sighs and she seems faded, deflated, miserable. “I just want to go home.”
HANNAH
Aaron walked me home. We didn’t talk much, but it was nice to have the company.
All I can think about is how this happened. I use condoms, FFS, and I know they were all on properly because I’m the one doing it. Tyrone put up a bit of a fight, but if he’s refusing to wear one for me… I know I’ve got a reputation – ask Katie who I lost it to and she’ll say it was the summer-jobber at Lola’s playgroup, ask anyone at school and they’ll say whatever name they saw scratched in a park bench or heard whispered in the corridor – but whatever, whoever, whenever they say, I’m not a skank. There are times when it’s not been, like, full-on sex, but has there been a tiny possibility of something ending up where it shouldn’t…? No. There is definitely no chance that I got pregnant from not wearing knickers in a nightclub and straddling that guy’s lap while we pulled. That’s the kind of question you read in problem pages and the agony aunt calls you out for being incredibly stupid on more than one level.
But I am being stupid, because I know exactly when this happened, don’t I?
Yeah, I use condoms. Except for that one time, with that one person…
I open up the text conversation we had afterwards and skim down the threads until I reach the last one I sent:
Just a 1 nite thing? thats it? srsly?!
And I make myself read his reply, no matter how much I know it will hurt:
What did u think was going to happen?
Not this, that’s for sure.
SATURDAY 24 TH OCTOBER
HALF-TERM
HANNAH
There’s an angry voicemail from Katie. She must have been drunk when she left it because all her words are slurred together and she repeats herself a few times. There’s something about being worried. (Which meant she hadn’t checked her texts before calling me. As if I’d leave without telling her.) Then she tells me that Tyrone was looking for me. And something that’s so garbled I only catch Rex’s name after the second listen. Basically, I’m a bad friend.
I stare at the text I’m about to send.
Im pregnant…
Then I
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