Read Online Trials (Rock Bottom) by Sarah Biermann - Free Book Online
Authors: Sarah Biermann
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beginning climbing stairs. After the first two flights, we stop on a landing. Jeremy turns and his body is painfully close to me. I feel the familiar electricity between us, awakening every dormant cell in my body. I hadn’t realized how dead I’ve felt.
“Sorry,” he says nodding towards my high heels. “A few more flights.”
I manage a small smile and nod. It’s endearing he’s worried about my feet. That’s what was so nice about Jeremy, the little things he would do like that. It almost could make you forget all of the crazy shit he pulled.
We climb another few flights of stairs. Honestly, I stop counting after I accidentally focus my attention on Jeremy’s ass that happens to be right in front of my face. I’m only human, after all.
We get into his apartment and it’s much of what I expect of him. There’s a couch, a TV, and a beautiful piano in the small living room. And that’s it- there’s no other furniture or pictures. The apartment has beautiful hardwood floors. It looks much better than the rest of the building.
I feel the atmosphere change as I close the door behind me . We’re now alone in his apartment. My body trembles and as I inspect him, I think I see him shaking, too.
He turns towards me and his blue eyes sparkle. He smiles and laughs an adorable, awkward chuckle. He grabs the back of his neck with his hand and motions with the other towards the couch. “Let’s, ah, sit…”
I sit at the end of the black couch, almost on the arm rest. He flops down gracefully at the other end. Immediately I’m brought back to the first time he had me in his dressing room and I smile despite myself.
“A little familiar, yes,” Jeremy says , reading my thoughts.
I try to push the memory away. I’m not here to reminisce and it’s dangerous to do that. He hasn’t explained anything to me about our break-up and even if he does, I’m not sure it would change anything.
“So, you need to talk to me?” I press. His smile falls.
“Yes. I think you need to know what happened. I think you deserve that.”
I feel a lump in my throat. I try to swallow it down.
“Remember our last conversation? I was helping you get ready for Theresa’s wedding.”
My eyes tear but I will myself not to cry. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well, I wasn’t able to call you again before the wedding. I was exhausted and I had shows within eight hours of each other. But I missed you desperately. Especially that night, wishing I could be there to support you. So the next day I went on your profile and saw that you were tagged in some pictures from the wedding.”
I look at him, confused. I rack my brain to think about where this could be going. “Yes…” I urge him to continue.
“I looked through them and I saw in more than half of the pictures, you were dancing with Scott.”
“Okay…” So what? Both of us had gone stag that night and I like to dance. Where is he going with this?
“I n some of them he was holding you really close and playing with your hair. You guys were laughing together…I don’t know. I know now that I was being ridiculous. I know that you weren’t mine and you had a right to date him if you wanted to. But it set me the fuck off, seeing you with him. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take the pain of knowing you were with him and I couldn’t even be there to fight for you. I hated knowing it was probably for the best, too. For a few days I let the pain stew around in my head until I went out and found a dealer on the street and bought a bag of heroin.”
I gasp and go rigid. So he is using again. I don’t understand. How is this getting by everyone?
“Wait…wait…I didn’t use it.”
Huh?
“Huh?” I squeak out.
“I didn’t use the heroin…but I wanted to. I kept it with me and hidden in my room. It comforted me just to know it was there. But I couldn’t bear to use it because that would mean that I wasn’t worthy of you. It would mean that I could never be worthy of
“Sorry,” he says nodding towards my high heels. “A few more flights.”
I manage a small smile and nod. It’s endearing he’s worried about my feet. That’s what was so nice about Jeremy, the little things he would do like that. It almost could make you forget all of the crazy shit he pulled.
We climb another few flights of stairs. Honestly, I stop counting after I accidentally focus my attention on Jeremy’s ass that happens to be right in front of my face. I’m only human, after all.
We get into his apartment and it’s much of what I expect of him. There’s a couch, a TV, and a beautiful piano in the small living room. And that’s it- there’s no other furniture or pictures. The apartment has beautiful hardwood floors. It looks much better than the rest of the building.
I feel the atmosphere change as I close the door behind me . We’re now alone in his apartment. My body trembles and as I inspect him, I think I see him shaking, too.
He turns towards me and his blue eyes sparkle. He smiles and laughs an adorable, awkward chuckle. He grabs the back of his neck with his hand and motions with the other towards the couch. “Let’s, ah, sit…”
I sit at the end of the black couch, almost on the arm rest. He flops down gracefully at the other end. Immediately I’m brought back to the first time he had me in his dressing room and I smile despite myself.
“A little familiar, yes,” Jeremy says , reading my thoughts.
I try to push the memory away. I’m not here to reminisce and it’s dangerous to do that. He hasn’t explained anything to me about our break-up and even if he does, I’m not sure it would change anything.
“So, you need to talk to me?” I press. His smile falls.
“Yes. I think you need to know what happened. I think you deserve that.”
I feel a lump in my throat. I try to swallow it down.
“Remember our last conversation? I was helping you get ready for Theresa’s wedding.”
My eyes tear but I will myself not to cry. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well, I wasn’t able to call you again before the wedding. I was exhausted and I had shows within eight hours of each other. But I missed you desperately. Especially that night, wishing I could be there to support you. So the next day I went on your profile and saw that you were tagged in some pictures from the wedding.”
I look at him, confused. I rack my brain to think about where this could be going. “Yes…” I urge him to continue.
“I looked through them and I saw in more than half of the pictures, you were dancing with Scott.”
“Okay…” So what? Both of us had gone stag that night and I like to dance. Where is he going with this?
“I n some of them he was holding you really close and playing with your hair. You guys were laughing together…I don’t know. I know now that I was being ridiculous. I know that you weren’t mine and you had a right to date him if you wanted to. But it set me the fuck off, seeing you with him. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take the pain of knowing you were with him and I couldn’t even be there to fight for you. I hated knowing it was probably for the best, too. For a few days I let the pain stew around in my head until I went out and found a dealer on the street and bought a bag of heroin.”
I gasp and go rigid. So he is using again. I don’t understand. How is this getting by everyone?
“Wait…wait…I didn’t use it.”
Huh?
“Huh?” I squeak out.
“I didn’t use the heroin…but I wanted to. I kept it with me and hidden in my room. It comforted me just to know it was there. But I couldn’t bear to use it because that would mean that I wasn’t worthy of you. It would mean that I could never be worthy of
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