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which
JOYCE
produces a rabbit out of his hat, puts the hat on his head, and leaves, holding the rabbit
.)
( CARR ’s
voice is heard off
.)
    CARR (
Voice off
): ‘Really, if the lower orders don’t set us a good example what on earth is the use of them? They seem as a class to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility.’
( TZARA
has moved to
CARR ’s
door. He opens it, and goes through
.)
(
Voice off
) ‘How are you, my dear Ernest. What brings you up to town?’ – ‘Pleasure, pleasure – eating as usual, I see, Algy…’
( CARR
enters, as Old Carr, holding a book
.) Algy! The other one. Personal triumph in the demanding role of Algernon Montcrieff. The Theater zur Kaufleuten on Pelikanstrasse, an evening in Spring, the English Players in that quintessential English jewel ‘The Imprudence of Being –’ Now I’ve forgotten the first one. By Oscar Wilde. Henry Carr as Algy. Other parts played by Tristan Rawson, Cecil Palmer, Ethel Turner, Evelyn Cotton … forget the rest. Tickets five francs, four bob a nob and every seat filled, must have made a packet for the Irish lout and his cronies – still,not one to bear a grudge, not after all these years, and him dead in the cemetery up the hill, unpleasant as it is to be dragged through the courts for a few francs – after I’d paid for my trousers
and
filled every seat in the house –
not
very pleasant to be handed ten francs like a
tip!
– and then asking me for twenty-five francs for tickets – bloody nerve – Here, I got it out –
(
From his pocket, a tattered document.)

– Bezirksgericht Zuerich, Zurich District Court, in the case of Dr James Joyce – doctor my eye – plaintiff and counter-defendant versus Henry Carr, defendant and counter-plaintiff, with reference to the claim for settlement of the following issues: (a) Suit: is defendant and counter-plaintiff (that’s me) obliged to pay the plaintiff and counter-defendant (that’s him) twenty-five francs? (b) Counter-suit: is plaintiff and counter-defendant bound to pay defendant and counter-plaintiff three hundred francs? Have you got that? Joyce says I owe him twenty-five francs for tickets. I say Joyce owes me three hundred francs for the trousers, etcetera, purchased by me for my performance as Henry – or rather –
god dammit!
– the other one …
    Incidentally, you may or may not have noticed that I got my wires crossed a bit here and there, you know how it is when the old think-box gets stuck in a groove and before you know where you are you’ve jumped the points and suddenly you think, No, steady on, old chap, that was Algernon –
Algernon!
There you are – all coming back now, I’ve got it straight, I’ll be all right from here on. In fact, anybody hanging on just for the cheap comedy of senile confusion might as well go because now I’m on to how I met Lenin and could have changed the course of history etcetera, what’s this?? (
the document
) Oh yes.
    Erkannt – has decided that. I . Der Beklagte, the defendant, Henry Carr, is obliged to pay den Klager, the plaintiff, James Joyce, twenty-five francs. The counter-claim of Henry Carr is denied. Herr Carr to indemnify Doktor Joyce sixty francs for trouble and expenses. In other words, a travesty of justice. Later the other case came up – Oh yes, hesued me for slander, claimed I called him a swindler and a cad … Thrown out of court, naturally. But it was the money with Joyce. Well, it was a long time ago. He left Zurich after the war, went to Paris, stayed twenty years and turned up here again in December 1940. Another war… But he was a sick man then, perforated ulcer, and in January he was dead … buried one cold snowy day in the Fluntern Cemetery up the hill.
    I dreamed about him, dreamed I had him in the witness box, a masterly cross-examination, case practically won, admitted