always be your father.â
âWell, you canât have it both ways,â I said, balling my hands into fists at my sides. The words came out angrier than Iâd intended, but suddenly all I felt was angry. Not confused, not disoriented, not numb. Just furious. âI donât even know your real name, do I? If Mom used to be Mina instead of Noel, then youâre not really Joey, are you?â
Joey Spero. Joseph Spero.
Joseph
. The name clicked with a hollow thud in my mind.
They must have seen from the look in my eyes that Iâd made the connection, gotten to the punch line of their cruel joke.
âThe name Joseph started with a little teasing from your mom soon after you were born,â my dad said, the words nearly a whisper. âBut my name was Jesse back then. Jesse Spero. We decided it was safe enough to keep my last nameâwe were just two people in millions here in New York, after all.â
I shook my head slowly, all my thoughts colliding at dangerous speeds. âOkay. So now youâve told me this . . . this
story
. And what do you expect? You tell me that Iâm some half human, half . . . halfâwhat, God? Angel?
Messiah?
Do I have a mission? A job to do? Can I fly off of buildings or bring people back from the dead? Tell me, please, what the hell am I supposed to do with any of this information?â
They froze at the words, their lips paused in gaping round circles. I shook my head and started toward the door, not knowing anything except that I needed to be outside of this house. Away from both of them.
âI donât know, Iris,â my mom whispered. I turned back to face her, but her head was down, her face buried in her hands. âI donât know the answers. Irisâthe other Irisâshe said sheâd be back when the time came. So I tried to be the best mom I could be for you in the meantime. But I donât know what comes next. I wish I did, sweetie. I really, really wish I did.â
Somehow her looking so sad and weak just enraged me even more. âWho
are
you?â I asked. âDo I even know either of you at all?â The words burned my lips on their way out, but I couldnât stop the fire, red-hot and blazing through every last inch of me.
Before either of them could answer, I flung the door open and ran out of the room. I ran away from them before I let myself ask the real question, the question that was too scorching, too combustible to let out.
Who am
I
?
â¢Â   â¢Â   â¢
I didnât think to take a jacket with me when I left. Or my phone. Or my keys. I regretted the jacket mostly, now that the sun was setting and the cool early autumn air was cutting through my flimsy cardigan. But getting out of the house had been first priority, any kind of planning a distant second. My feet traced their usual path to Prospect Park, and the rest of me followed.
My mind kept looping through my momâs story. This couldnât be realânone of this could be real. But my parents had never been good at telling even the littlest of white lies. Or so Iâd thought, at least. How could I tell anymore? Theyâd kept this secret, after all. For more than
seventeen years
. Still, the dread on their faces, the agonyâit had all felt so real. Theyâd meant what they said, I felt eerily certain of that much, and that thought alone made my stomach clench in fear. Were they insane? How could my predictable, stable, rational parents disappear so quickly? Disappear and leave me with
this
.
I passed through the park entrance, and my feet kept moving, making my decisions for me, until I came around a bend in the path. My lungs heaved for breath. I stood at the entrance of the playground, paralyzed. No matter how many times Iâd walked here in the past month and seen the signs and the flowers and the teddy bearsâand the photos, those devastating photosâI wanted to sob all
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