Read Online Totally Buzzed (A Miller Sisters Mystery) by Gale Borger - Free Book Online

went out to notify Glenn of Carole's death, and to ask why neither he nor Rob reported her missing. You and I will have to talk to them too, as well as the employees, but what J.J. finds out will tell us how we will proceed."
    Mag lifted her chin and spoke with authority. "I will conduct my interviews with the utmost professionalism, even though that rat-bastard Glenn Graff probably murdered her anyway. What that jerk needs is a swift kick in the caboodles!"
    "See, Mag, this is just the kind of behavior I was just talking about. What is up with you?"
    "This is different, Buzz, you just don't get it!" She jumped up out of her chair and started digging in her pockets for money, mumbling to herself. She was visibly upset and creating an 'E.F. Hutton' moment in the noisy diner. While half the town looked on, the backs of Mag's knees hit her chair and tipped it over, causing her to lose her balance and fall backward.
    She waved her arms in circles, trying in vain to keep her balance ala Al in Mom's backyard. She over-corrected and fell sideways into Burt Cheever's lap. Her change flew out of her hand and rained down on the room like pennies from Heaven. What was it with my sisters falling over and causing chaotic scenes?
    I reached for her. It was like she wore strawberry cream sleeves. My hands slid off her arms and I ended up with handfuls of whipped cream and no Mag.
    She wavered for a second and began to fall again. Burt moved his already ruined strawberry pancakes aside. "Oh nooo," she wailed as she toppled sideways.
    "Timberrrr," some smart ass across the room added.
    Like a slow motion replay, we all watched Mag try to catch her balance. She twisted and did a swan dive face first right onto Burt's plate, squishing his strawberry pancakes out the side and spraying all of us with strawberries and whipped cream. Even Sal stopped slinging hash long enough to view the spectacle. He sighed, and reached for the pancake batter to replace Burt's order. He whistled for the kid in the back and told him to fill a bucket and bring a mop.
    "Clean up in aisle five," was heard from the peanut gallery.
    I jumped over the fallen chair, skidded through the strawberries and whipped cream on the floor, and grabbed Mag. She had pancake in her hair and a strawberry on her chin. She tried to explain to Burt how she must have had a seizure or been pushed, while still sitting on his lap. Burt looked as if it were more likely she'd had an attack of schizophrenia, and kept inching farther away from the table. I pulled her off his lap, apologized, and dragged her out of the diner, wishing a hole would swallow us up.
    "Mag, what is with you and catastrophes lately? That's more Fred's M.O., not yours. What's up with you? One minute we were talking about interviewing the Graffs and the next you're spazzing out and scraping whipped cream off your butt. What the hell is the matter with you?"
    She flicked a strawberry off her shoe, folded her arms across her chest and kicked the tire on my car. "That rat-bastard Glenn Graff is what the matter is. Like I said, he needs a good swift kick in the caboodles."
    "Whoa, wait a minute Mag, we're not kicking anyone's caboodles, and why is Glenn a rat-bastard? I thought he was a Boy Scout."
    It was easy to see Mag was extremely upset, but I found it particularly difficult to show empathy for someone waggling pancake encrusted eyebrows at me. While I tried not to laugh, she continued her tirade. "That's what he wants everyone to think, but he's a serial ass-pincher! A masher! A lecherous turd! He cornered me in the potting shed at the garden center, and I didn't think I'd escape with my virtue intact. What the hell is with jackasses like him? If someone would cheat on a nice lady like Carole, he'd probably kill her too, right?"
    After getting over my initial shock, I looked behind us to make sure we were alone. Pancake and strawberries plopped off Mag's butt onto the sidewalk behind us. Trying for the lighter side, since