Read Online Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man by Mary L. Trump; - Free Book Online
Authors: Mary L. Trump;
Ads: Link
experiences with her, became increasingly distant.
When Freddy, at fourteen, dumped a bowl of mashed potatoes on his then-seven-year-old brotherâs head, it wounded Donaldâs pride so deeply that heâd still be bothered by it when Maryanne brought it up in her toast at the White House birthday dinner in 2017. The incident wasnât a big dealâor it shouldnât have been. Donald had been tormenting Robert, again, and nobody could get him to stop. Even at seven, he felt no need to listen to his mother, who, having failed to heal the rift between them after her illness, he treated with contempt. Finally, Robertâs crying and Donaldâs needling became too much, and in a moment of improvised expedience that would become family legend, Freddy picked up the first thing at hand that wouldnât cause any real damage: the bowl of mashed potatoes.
Everybody laughed, and they couldnât stop laughing. And they were laughing at Donald. It was the first time Donald had been humiliated by someone he even then believed to be beneath him. He hadnât understood that humiliation was a weapon that could be wielded by only one person in a fight. That Freddy, of all people, could drag him into a world where humiliation could happen to him made it so much worse. From then on, he would never allow himself to feel that feeling again. From then on, he would wield the weapon, never be at the sharp end of it.
C HAPTER T HREE The Great I-Am
B y the time Maryanne left for Mount Holyoke and, a couple of years later, Freddy for Lehigh University, Donald had already had plenty of experience watching his older brother struggle with, and largely fail to meet, their fatherâs expectations. They were vague, of course. Fred had the authoritarianâs habit of assuming that his underlings knew what to do without being told. Generally, the only way to know if you were doing something right was if you didnât get dressed down for it.
But it was one thing for Donald to stay out of his fatherâs crosshairs and another to get into his good graces. Toward that end, Donald all but eradicated any qualities he might have shared with his older brother. Except for the occasional fishing trip with Freddy and his friends, Donald would become a creature of country clubs and offices, golf being the only thing on which he and his father differed. He would also double down on the behaviors he had thus far gotten away with: bullying, pointing the finger, refusing to take responsibility, and disregarding authority. He says that he âpushed backâ against his father and Fred ârespectedâ that. The truth is, he was able to push back against his father because Fred let him. When he was very young, Fredâs attention was not trained on him; his focus was elsewhereâon his business and his oldest son, thatâs it. Eventually, when Donald went away to military school at thirteen, Fred began to admire Donaldâs disregard of authority. Although a strict parent in general, Fred accepted Donaldâsarrogance and bullyingâafter he actually started to notice themâbecause he identified with the impulses.
Encouraged by his father, Donald eventually started to believe his own hype. By the time he was twelve, the right side of his mouth was curled up in an almost perpetual sneer of self-conscious superiority, and Freddy had dubbed him âthe Great I-Am,â echoing a passage from Exodus heâd learned in Sunday school in which God first reveals himself to Moses.
Because of the disastrous circumstances in which he was raised, Donald knew intuitively, based on plenty of experience, that he would never be comforted or soothed, especially when he most needed to be. There was no point, then, in acting needy. And whether he knew it on any level or not, neither of his parents was ever going to see him for who he truly was or might have beenâMary was too depleted and Fred was interested only
When Freddy, at fourteen, dumped a bowl of mashed potatoes on his then-seven-year-old brotherâs head, it wounded Donaldâs pride so deeply that heâd still be bothered by it when Maryanne brought it up in her toast at the White House birthday dinner in 2017. The incident wasnât a big dealâor it shouldnât have been. Donald had been tormenting Robert, again, and nobody could get him to stop. Even at seven, he felt no need to listen to his mother, who, having failed to heal the rift between them after her illness, he treated with contempt. Finally, Robertâs crying and Donaldâs needling became too much, and in a moment of improvised expedience that would become family legend, Freddy picked up the first thing at hand that wouldnât cause any real damage: the bowl of mashed potatoes.
Everybody laughed, and they couldnât stop laughing. And they were laughing at Donald. It was the first time Donald had been humiliated by someone he even then believed to be beneath him. He hadnât understood that humiliation was a weapon that could be wielded by only one person in a fight. That Freddy, of all people, could drag him into a world where humiliation could happen to him made it so much worse. From then on, he would never allow himself to feel that feeling again. From then on, he would wield the weapon, never be at the sharp end of it.
C HAPTER T HREE The Great I-Am
B y the time Maryanne left for Mount Holyoke and, a couple of years later, Freddy for Lehigh University, Donald had already had plenty of experience watching his older brother struggle with, and largely fail to meet, their fatherâs expectations. They were vague, of course. Fred had the authoritarianâs habit of assuming that his underlings knew what to do without being told. Generally, the only way to know if you were doing something right was if you didnât get dressed down for it.
But it was one thing for Donald to stay out of his fatherâs crosshairs and another to get into his good graces. Toward that end, Donald all but eradicated any qualities he might have shared with his older brother. Except for the occasional fishing trip with Freddy and his friends, Donald would become a creature of country clubs and offices, golf being the only thing on which he and his father differed. He would also double down on the behaviors he had thus far gotten away with: bullying, pointing the finger, refusing to take responsibility, and disregarding authority. He says that he âpushed backâ against his father and Fred ârespectedâ that. The truth is, he was able to push back against his father because Fred let him. When he was very young, Fredâs attention was not trained on him; his focus was elsewhereâon his business and his oldest son, thatâs it. Eventually, when Donald went away to military school at thirteen, Fred began to admire Donaldâs disregard of authority. Although a strict parent in general, Fred accepted Donaldâsarrogance and bullyingâafter he actually started to notice themâbecause he identified with the impulses.
Encouraged by his father, Donald eventually started to believe his own hype. By the time he was twelve, the right side of his mouth was curled up in an almost perpetual sneer of self-conscious superiority, and Freddy had dubbed him âthe Great I-Am,â echoing a passage from Exodus heâd learned in Sunday school in which God first reveals himself to Moses.
Because of the disastrous circumstances in which he was raised, Donald knew intuitively, based on plenty of experience, that he would never be comforted or soothed, especially when he most needed to be. There was no point, then, in acting needy. And whether he knew it on any level or not, neither of his parents was ever going to see him for who he truly was or might have beenâMary was too depleted and Fred was interested only
Similar Books
