about that but nodded anyway. There was something in his eye that said that wasn’t the entire story. He definitely wasn’t telling me something.
He sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “You should get some sleep, too,” he said. “It’s been a busy couple of nights.”
“I don’t need to sleep.”
He gave me a look that said, “I already knew that,” as clearly as if he had spoken it. “You know what I mean,” he said. “You’ve got to give your head a rest or you’re going to drive yourself crazy thinking about what you could have done differently, what you should have done, what might have happened. I can almost hear those wheels turning in your head.”
I looked down at my gun. I knew he was right, but it was hard. As long as I kept working on something, even if it was as mundane as cleaning my gun, it helped ease my mind, but it only went so far.
“You’re probably right,” I said, sighing. I pushed away from the table and holstered the gun. “I need to go upstairs anyway. It’ll be light soon.”
“Really?” Ethan said. His eyes drifted toward the door where the night was quickly giving way to day. “I thought we still had a few hours yet until first light.” He yawned. “Maybe that’s why I feel like hell.”
I smiled but didn’t say anything. There was no sense in chastising him about working too hard. It was really all he had left in his life. I definitely knew the feeling.
He started up the stairs but paused halfway up. “What are you going to do about the Cult?” he asked, turning to look back at me. I saw genuine concern on his face.
“I’m going to see what they want,” I said. If nothing else, my night had ensured I had no choice. I couldn’t go on like this, searching the house like a paranoid psychopath every time I came home. “If it’s a trap, I’ll be ready.”
“Don’t let them take your weapons.”
“I won’t.”
“Good,” Ethan said. “I’m going to bed.” He turned and resumed his trek upstairs.
I watched him go with a frown on my face. I was worried about him. It wasn’t just a fear that someone would come and kill him while I was out working. That was always a risk, one we both accepted.
No, it wasn’t that. I was afraid he was pushing himself too hard to make me happy. When I took him in, I did so because we shared the same miseries, the same past. I never asked him to work for me like he did. It was his choice, always had been.
Then why did I feel so terrible about it?
I followed him up a moment later, taking all my weapons with me. I was feeling far too vulnerable to leave them anywhere but my bedside.
I passed outside Ethan’s closed bedroom door and just stood there, listening to him move around on the other side. He was humming softly to himself. It was out of tune, barely recognizable, and yet it held a sort of contentment I couldn’t quite understand.
I patted the door, quietly as not to let him know I had been listening, and headed to my bedroom to escape the rest of the day, wondering how he managed to be content when I was screwed up inside. I would give anything to know that feeling.
Somehow, I knew I was asking for the impossible.
7
The day passed slowly and I did the only thing I could do.
I thought.
Outside, the world was going on like it always had. Men and women went to work, spent time together, and more often than not, completely forgot about the horrors of the night. It was a peace I could never know.
And it wasn’t just the Purebloods who experienced this. There were quite a few werewolves who hid what they really were and went about the day like normal people. They didn’t hunt until the sun was down, choosing prey that wouldn’t get them into trouble.
But that was something I could never do. Vampires couldn’t abide the sun. How two creatures so similar had such a drastic difference in their makeup was beyond me. I sometimes wished if I had been turned into anything, it would have been a werewolf. Then I
He sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “You should get some sleep, too,” he said. “It’s been a busy couple of nights.”
“I don’t need to sleep.”
He gave me a look that said, “I already knew that,” as clearly as if he had spoken it. “You know what I mean,” he said. “You’ve got to give your head a rest or you’re going to drive yourself crazy thinking about what you could have done differently, what you should have done, what might have happened. I can almost hear those wheels turning in your head.”
I looked down at my gun. I knew he was right, but it was hard. As long as I kept working on something, even if it was as mundane as cleaning my gun, it helped ease my mind, but it only went so far.
“You’re probably right,” I said, sighing. I pushed away from the table and holstered the gun. “I need to go upstairs anyway. It’ll be light soon.”
“Really?” Ethan said. His eyes drifted toward the door where the night was quickly giving way to day. “I thought we still had a few hours yet until first light.” He yawned. “Maybe that’s why I feel like hell.”
I smiled but didn’t say anything. There was no sense in chastising him about working too hard. It was really all he had left in his life. I definitely knew the feeling.
He started up the stairs but paused halfway up. “What are you going to do about the Cult?” he asked, turning to look back at me. I saw genuine concern on his face.
“I’m going to see what they want,” I said. If nothing else, my night had ensured I had no choice. I couldn’t go on like this, searching the house like a paranoid psychopath every time I came home. “If it’s a trap, I’ll be ready.”
“Don’t let them take your weapons.”
“I won’t.”
“Good,” Ethan said. “I’m going to bed.” He turned and resumed his trek upstairs.
I watched him go with a frown on my face. I was worried about him. It wasn’t just a fear that someone would come and kill him while I was out working. That was always a risk, one we both accepted.
No, it wasn’t that. I was afraid he was pushing himself too hard to make me happy. When I took him in, I did so because we shared the same miseries, the same past. I never asked him to work for me like he did. It was his choice, always had been.
Then why did I feel so terrible about it?
I followed him up a moment later, taking all my weapons with me. I was feeling far too vulnerable to leave them anywhere but my bedside.
I passed outside Ethan’s closed bedroom door and just stood there, listening to him move around on the other side. He was humming softly to himself. It was out of tune, barely recognizable, and yet it held a sort of contentment I couldn’t quite understand.
I patted the door, quietly as not to let him know I had been listening, and headed to my bedroom to escape the rest of the day, wondering how he managed to be content when I was screwed up inside. I would give anything to know that feeling.
Somehow, I knew I was asking for the impossible.
7
The day passed slowly and I did the only thing I could do.
I thought.
Outside, the world was going on like it always had. Men and women went to work, spent time together, and more often than not, completely forgot about the horrors of the night. It was a peace I could never know.
And it wasn’t just the Purebloods who experienced this. There were quite a few werewolves who hid what they really were and went about the day like normal people. They didn’t hunt until the sun was down, choosing prey that wouldn’t get them into trouble.
But that was something I could never do. Vampires couldn’t abide the sun. How two creatures so similar had such a drastic difference in their makeup was beyond me. I sometimes wished if I had been turned into anything, it would have been a werewolf. Then I
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