Read Online To Summon Nightmares by J.K. Pendragon - Free Book Online
Authors: J.K. Pendragon
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to breathe. "It's fine, really Halley. I appreciate that you're trying."
"I am trying," she said. "Really, I am."
Niall took a step into the living room. "Do you want me to go?"" he asked, and Cohen shook his head.
"It's okay." Cohen forced a smile into his voice. "You're my sister, so I can't be mad at you."
"Yeah, right." Halley gave a forced laugh. "Okay, call me tomorrow, kid. You hear me?"
"I will," he said. "I promise."
"G'night little brother."
"Goodnight."
He hung up the phone, leaning back against the couch and breathing slowly. His tolerance for being misgendered had gone down now that it wasn't happening all the time. When it had happened all the time, it had just been like a slow burning, unidentifiable sickness. Now every 'he' was a relief, and every 'she' and 'sister,' every mention of his birth name was like a punch to the gut. He hated it.
"Are you okay?" asked Niall, looking concerned as he pulled a couple of mugs from the cupboard and began to make tea. "What happened?"
"Just..." Cohen put a hand to his face. "I can't really explain. Nothing, really. She's worried about me, of course. Spending the night with a strange man."
"I am a bit strange," said Niall, glancing at his magical mobiles. He sounded a little sad about that. Wistful.
"I don't think you are," said Cohen. "Anyway, we're all a bit strange, right? It's fashionable these days."
That brought a laugh from Niall. "I'll make you dinner," he said. "I'm sorry, I'm a vegetarian, so you might not like anything I have."
"Ah." Cohen fretted. He wished he wasn't such a picky eater. "Vegetarian sounds good?"
"You say that now," said Niall with a laugh. "Oh, cream or sugar?"
"Both please," said Cohen. "Why are you a vegetarian?" he asked, turning to watch Niall as he left the tea to steep and produced a package of tofu and some vegetables from the fridge. "Is it like a health thing? I mean, you look pretty fit." He flushed, wishing he could eat his words for dinner. "I mean you look healthy. You know what? Just ignore everything I say for the rest of the night."
Niall laughed as he turned the stove on and poured a bottle of dark sauce into a pan. "I could probably get in better shape if I ate meat," he admitted. "It's hard to put on weight eating tofu but," he paused, wrestling momentarily with the package. "I just can't. I'm a big softie, I suppose, and once you really look into what they do to the animals..." He smiled, glancing at Cohen. "Well, I won't go into it."
"I suppose it's just one of those things," said Cohen, trying desperately to be tactful. "I don't really like to think about it, because if I did I'd have to stop eating meat."
"Mm." Niall paused again, returning to the fridge to grab a clove of garlic. "Everyone has different things. You know, things you ignore because if you let yourself feel guilty, or... or angry about every little thing that you should..."
"It would kill you," finished Cohen. "But everyone's got a few things they can't ignore, right? Causes."
"Don't know if tofu is a cause," chuckled Niall, and Cohen laughed. Niall finished making the tea and tossed the bags in the bin, bringing Cohen's mug into the living room for him. "So what's yours? Your cause, I mean."
Cohen took a sip of his tea, thinking. "Suppose like LGBT stuff," he said. "It's hard to ignore when you are, you know..."
"I don't know about that." Niall left the food to simmer in the pan, coming to sit next to Cohen with his tea. "I've pretty much managed to, but I don't suppose I've ever really had to come out to anyone."
Cohen's heart nearly leapt into his throat at the prospect of Niall being gay, but he forced it down quickly. There was a bit of bile rising in his throat, and that constant doubtful voice eating away at him.
"Are you okay?" asked Niall. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No," said Cohen. "Sorry. Just..." He tried to force his heartbeat down, to no avail. There was no way to explain it really. "Another thing I can't talk
"I am trying," she said. "Really, I am."
Niall took a step into the living room. "Do you want me to go?"" he asked, and Cohen shook his head.
"It's okay." Cohen forced a smile into his voice. "You're my sister, so I can't be mad at you."
"Yeah, right." Halley gave a forced laugh. "Okay, call me tomorrow, kid. You hear me?"
"I will," he said. "I promise."
"G'night little brother."
"Goodnight."
He hung up the phone, leaning back against the couch and breathing slowly. His tolerance for being misgendered had gone down now that it wasn't happening all the time. When it had happened all the time, it had just been like a slow burning, unidentifiable sickness. Now every 'he' was a relief, and every 'she' and 'sister,' every mention of his birth name was like a punch to the gut. He hated it.
"Are you okay?" asked Niall, looking concerned as he pulled a couple of mugs from the cupboard and began to make tea. "What happened?"
"Just..." Cohen put a hand to his face. "I can't really explain. Nothing, really. She's worried about me, of course. Spending the night with a strange man."
"I am a bit strange," said Niall, glancing at his magical mobiles. He sounded a little sad about that. Wistful.
"I don't think you are," said Cohen. "Anyway, we're all a bit strange, right? It's fashionable these days."
That brought a laugh from Niall. "I'll make you dinner," he said. "I'm sorry, I'm a vegetarian, so you might not like anything I have."
"Ah." Cohen fretted. He wished he wasn't such a picky eater. "Vegetarian sounds good?"
"You say that now," said Niall with a laugh. "Oh, cream or sugar?"
"Both please," said Cohen. "Why are you a vegetarian?" he asked, turning to watch Niall as he left the tea to steep and produced a package of tofu and some vegetables from the fridge. "Is it like a health thing? I mean, you look pretty fit." He flushed, wishing he could eat his words for dinner. "I mean you look healthy. You know what? Just ignore everything I say for the rest of the night."
Niall laughed as he turned the stove on and poured a bottle of dark sauce into a pan. "I could probably get in better shape if I ate meat," he admitted. "It's hard to put on weight eating tofu but," he paused, wrestling momentarily with the package. "I just can't. I'm a big softie, I suppose, and once you really look into what they do to the animals..." He smiled, glancing at Cohen. "Well, I won't go into it."
"I suppose it's just one of those things," said Cohen, trying desperately to be tactful. "I don't really like to think about it, because if I did I'd have to stop eating meat."
"Mm." Niall paused again, returning to the fridge to grab a clove of garlic. "Everyone has different things. You know, things you ignore because if you let yourself feel guilty, or... or angry about every little thing that you should..."
"It would kill you," finished Cohen. "But everyone's got a few things they can't ignore, right? Causes."
"Don't know if tofu is a cause," chuckled Niall, and Cohen laughed. Niall finished making the tea and tossed the bags in the bin, bringing Cohen's mug into the living room for him. "So what's yours? Your cause, I mean."
Cohen took a sip of his tea, thinking. "Suppose like LGBT stuff," he said. "It's hard to ignore when you are, you know..."
"I don't know about that." Niall left the food to simmer in the pan, coming to sit next to Cohen with his tea. "I've pretty much managed to, but I don't suppose I've ever really had to come out to anyone."
Cohen's heart nearly leapt into his throat at the prospect of Niall being gay, but he forced it down quickly. There was a bit of bile rising in his throat, and that constant doubtful voice eating away at him.
"Are you okay?" asked Niall. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No," said Cohen. "Sorry. Just..." He tried to force his heartbeat down, to no avail. There was no way to explain it really. "Another thing I can't talk
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