Read Online To Have and to Hold by Nalini Singh - Free Book Online Page B

the body, not the mind—her thoughts were fragmented, her skin tight enough to hurt. Bending, she closed her hands around the thick wood of the bedpost.
    And then she heard the zipper being lowered.
    Even that warning wasn’t enough. She screamed as he pushed into her. Hard. Fast. Deep. Her body accepted him, welcomed his driving thrusts, but he was merciless in the intensity of what he asked of her, pushing her so far that she lost all traces of civilization and surrendered to her most primal heart.
    * * *
    Lying in the darkness, Jess didn’t know who she was anymore—not only had she let Gabe love her with an intimacy that made her a traitor to her own emotions, she hadn’t managed to make him talk about anything. Taking a deep breath, she moved to push off the sheets.
    A strong arm clamped around her waist. “No, Jess. Tonight you stay with your husband.”
    When she opened her mouth to argue, he covered it with his own. There was no tenderness in his touch—it was a brand, a mark of possession. She tried to stifle her reactions, tried to regain command of a body that no longer seemed her own, but still she broke. Over and over and over.
    And that was how she spent her nights for the next seven days. In Gabriel’s bed, in Gabriel’s arms, as he taught her that no matter how well she thought she knew herself, she knew nothing. In those dark hours, she discovered a hidden, deeply sensual part of herself that gloried in what went on between the sheets, an houri who cared for pleasure alone.
    Yet even as he stripped her of her defenses, he maintained his own steely control. That was what hurt and frustrated her the most—Gabe had brought passion into a relationship she’d once believed would be pure business, made her want things she’d never have dreamed of at the start, but the passion was all on his terms.
    The days weren’t much better. She spent them tormented by memories of the nights, confusion a churning knot in her stomach. So when her paintings arrived, she was more than ready to do something, anything, to temper her descent into emotional chaos.
    Ripping open the boxes, she began stacking the canvasses in the large ground-floor room she’d commandeered as her studio. “I’m good at this,” she told herself, determined to rebuild her fractured confidence. She wasn’t merely Gabriel Dumont’s convenient wife, not merely the possession of a man who’d pushed her firmly to the periphery of his life—her place was in his bed and occasionally on his arm. Other than that, he didn’t want to know him.
    And she was finding the cold distance…hard.
    Jess buried that thought soon as it rose. She’d entered this marriage knowing the rules. If she’d come to hope for more, then that was her mistake and one she’d be better off nipping in the bud.
    Taking a calming breath, she set a prepared canvas on the easel she’d placed opposite the door, and picked up a soft pencil. Damon’s face was easy for her to draw. She’d spent years staring at it with adoring eyes. But today, she saw things in it she’d never before seen…things that troubled her.
    â€œCall for you, Jess, my girl.”
    She looked up with a start, not having heard it ring. “Who is it?”
    â€œA Richard Dusevic.”
    Jess’s eyes widened but she waited until Mrs. C. had left, to answer. “Mr. Dusevic?”
    â€œMs. Randall, I have on my desk several high-definition images my assistant tells me are of your work.”
    â€œOh.” Very intelligent, Jess .
    â€œCan you send me the originals?”
    Sounding calm became a test. “Sure. Would you like just the ones for which I submitted slides?”
    â€œGive me a selection of your choice. I want to see what you can do. I have a feeling I won’t be disappointed.”
    She crushed the receiver to her ear. “I’ll get them couriered up to you