Read Online Tietam Brown by Mick Foley - Free Book Online Page B

three strikes, and you know what I’m thinking?”
    My jaw was still locked, so Tietam kept the wisdom rolling without skipping a beat.
    â€œI’m thinking, I know what she’s thinking, and I sure as hell know what I’m thinking.” He gave me a wink and plowed right ahead. “And do you know what she’s thinking, Andy?”
    I tried to talk once again, and after a few seconds of stammering answered his question the only way I knew how.
    â€œUm, uh, she’s thinking that she licked your ass?”
    â€œThere you go, son. Now what am I thinking?”
    â€œThat she licked your ass?”
    â€œYou’re damn right she did, Andy, you’re damn right she did. But hey kid, just remember that there’s an art to it, okay?”
    â€œAn art to the licking?”
    â€œWell, actually yes, but that’s not what I’m getting at. I’m talking about talking her into doing it . . . that is an art.”
    â€œIt is?”
    â€œSure, look, for me, I like to have had a good time, one, two, three strikes you’re out, and then I have the comfort of knowing that I own them, but for you, you really like this girl, right?”
    â€œYeah.”
    â€œEven better. Once it’s done, she can’t break up with you. She can’t because you’ve got the power.”
    â€œWhat power is that, Dad?”
    â€œThe power to tell people about it—it’s the same principle that’s kept our country safe since we blew those Jap bastards to holy hell to end the big one, World War Two. We had the bomb, we weren’t afraid to use it, and everybody knew it. It’s the same thing here. You’ve got the goods on her, you’re not afraid to use it, and she knows it.”
    â€œBut Dad, aren’t our butts gross?”
    â€œWell of course they are, Andy, of course they are. But that’s their problem, not ours, right? I mean, personally, kid, I find all asses gross, females’ included. But some guys can’t get enough of them. Like to take the Hershey highway, if you know what I mean. I had a buddy like that. His name was Masters, Luke Masters. But you know what we called him?”
    â€œUh, let me see, uh . . . Ass Masters, Dad?”
    â€œYeah, Ass Masters,” he laughed. “Ass Masters, that’s a good one, huh?”
    â€œUm, yeah Dad, it is pretty good. But all the same, I’m not so sure that I’d want Terri licking me . . . there . . . anyway. Do you have any . . . um . . . other advice?”
    â€œSure, sure, of course I do.”
    â€œWell . . .”
    â€œWell here goes, kid. Don’t treat women like sluts. It’s cliché. It’s unimaginative . . . What you want to do is get them to treat themselves like sluts.”
    â€œThat sounds a little crazy, Dad.”
    â€œCrazy, Andy, crazy?” my dad exclaimed. “What’s crazy is all these people who think sex is about the body. It’s not. It’s about the mind. Once you own their mind, their body will follow. And the only way you can own their mind is to get the ladies to tap into the slut that’s inside of each one of them.”
    â€œGee thanks, Dad.”
    â€œListen Andy, when I’m upstairs, how many times do you hear the F word?”
    â€œLots of times,” I said, thinking about a few particularly loud ones.
    â€œBut how many times have you heard it coming from me?”
    I had to think on that one. For a while. And then said, “None.”
    â€œExactly!” my dad said. “I don’t have to, because I lead them to the F word like you lead a horse to water . . . Always remember, son, the F word is a verb. A strong, powerful verb. Use it sparingly, but use it with force. It’s not a noun or an adjective, understand?”
    â€œYeah.” And to tell you the truth, I thought that I did.
    A strange look then crossed my father’s face, a look of pride and knowledge. He put an arm