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divorce papers, and a mostly empty house.’ She felt gutted, her heartripped out, no spirit left in her. ‘I’m just so sad all the time,’ she sobbed again.
    â€˜Ah, but you’ve got the Lexus!’ Ellen grinned at her friend in an attempt to lighten the moment.
    â€˜And the boys adore you, and John will probably never move out of home,’ Izzy said.
    Veronica smiled at the thought of the baby of the family living in the huge house with her. ‘John is a good boy. I don’t want him to move out. I probably wouldn’t eat much if I didn’t have to cook for him and his mates.’ Veronica finally smiled, realising the joy being a mum brought her, and it spurred her to get back to the topic of Xanthe’s IVF commitment.
    â€˜Enough of my misery,’ she said, wiping her nose, ‘let’s talk about beautiful things like babies, because they can turn out to be like John. And my kids are my greatest achievement in life.’ She smiled again, feeling that she had done at least one useful thing to date.
    Ellen moved some of the plates and empty coffee cups to the table next to them, looking as if her mind was miles away.
    â€˜You’ve been very quiet this morning, Isobel,’ Nadine said to her sister-in-law in a somewhat serious voice.
    Only Izzy’s mother called her Isobel and that was reserved for when she was in trouble as a child and teenager. Izzy started tearing a serviette into tiny pieces.
    â€˜What is it?’ Nadine asked, concern in her voice. ‘Don’t make me go home and get Richard to call his little sister for a chat.’
    Oh God, that was the last thing that Izzy wanted. She hadn’t even thought about how her brother might react.His little sister pregnant to someone he’d never even met. He’d never liked any bloke she’d introduced him to in the past and that was usually a nothing situation. Telling him about the baby would almost be worse than telling her mother. She didn’t want to tell either of them, and was only telling the girls because she was desperate. Keeping it to herself as she experienced a whole range of body changes was sending her quietly insane.
    â€˜Izzy,’ Ellen said firmly, knowing her friend well enough to see something was wrong.
    Izzy dropped the serviette on the table as a wave of nausea swept across her. It was the sickest she’d felt since watching the distinct pink stripe appear on the pregnancy test stick. She closed her eyes and thought back to the warm Wednesday morning when she’d sat with the bathroom door open in her flat, waiting, waiting, waiting. Squatting over the toilet trying to pee on the stick had been awkward, but it was nothing compared to how awkward she felt when she’d been bluntly told three times, by three different sticks, that she was pregnant. Tears of shock had fallen that morning, but she hadn’t cried since. She blew air out her mouth again as she noticed her tiddas glaring at her with anticipation.
    â€˜What’s wrong?’ Xanthe asked.
    Izzy took a deep breath and struggled to look Xanthe in the eye; she knew what she was about to say was going to hit her tidda like a ton of pregnancy tests, none of them with pink stripes. ‘I didn’t know we were going to be talking about all this stuff today, important stuff, I mean your IVF plans, Xanthe.’ She turned to Veronica. ‘Or your sense of loss, Vee.’
    Veronica felt tears well again as Izzy looked at her with sympathy in her eyes.
    â€˜I’m sorry, really I’m sorry it’s me and not you,’ she said directly to Xanthe.
    â€˜Sorry for what? What’s you and not me?’ Xanthe asked, articulating everyone’s confusion.
    â€˜It’s just . . .’ Izzy was stalling. The inevitable announcement would upset one of the people she loved most in the world.
    â€˜What?’ Xanthe’s mind was racing. What could her tidda