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Authors: Deila Longford
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only other person who would understand how I am feeling right now. I take a deep breath and I begin to tell James all about Adrian.
“It is str ange he is not here isn’t it?” He briefly smiles at me as he says ,
“Yes, I understand if you don’t want to talk about this.”
“No, I do, he is a very complicated guy.”
“I want to know about him; after all he is the brother of the girl that I love.”
“Unlike Emma, Adrian didn’t have the best childhood, his mother was abusive and she brought home different guys almost every night. T here was one in particular that took a disliking to him and he would do awful unthinkable things to ten - year - old Adrian.” I have a lump in my throat as I think of his sadness again. I clear my throat quickly and I proceed to tell James about Adrian.
“It wasn’t until Adrian was twelve that he was brought into care; he spent two years in a children’s home and then was adopted by Mr Jenkins and his wife.”
“I know that type of thing happens on a daily basis and the sheer fact of that is terrible, however most people myself included don’t think of it.”
“I know exactly what you mean, I never thought of anyone goi ng through something like that. I t was mainly because I never knew anyone that had, when Adrian told me all about everything, I was riddled with guilt for my own happy childhood.” I say not taking a breath as I do.
“You don’t see it until it is right there in front of you.” I am in total agreement with James’s words . “Alanna, I feel sorry for the guy but that doesn’t explain why he isn’t here.”
“I know, he isn’t here because he blames himself for what happened to me, I know he is crazy for thinking that but if you knew him then you would understand.”
“He ca lls every day.” I take in a massive gasp of air as I reply .
“I want him to call me not the hospital.”
“H e will , in his own ti me. The guy seems as if he just needs some space, if you give him that then I am sure he will return to you.” I wish that were true, I wish that if I gave him then time he would see that he is wrong for staying away. I know that’s not the case, and I worry that every moment he is gone the less likely it is that he will ever come back. The biggest fear I have and what hurts me more than the pain in my stomach, is the thought of life without Adrian Black.
Three
I rest peacefully in the comfortable hospital bed w ith my earphones lodged in my ears. I reflect on yesterday’s events and I have concluded that things can never be the same again. My m other came to visit me last night and she was in one of her moods. The kind she only has when my d ad does something to annoy her. The strain she had in her eyes was alarming; her voice was broke n as if she’d been shouting for hours on end. Her usual calm and collective p resence was far from there last night. When we talked, everything I said seemed to upset her and she would cut me off before I asked her what was wrong. I cannot say that I am not worried about how she was acting. It alerts me when I have the rare chance to witness my mom like this. However, she did agree to bring in Penelope later on today so I guess that is a good sign. James has also made an appearance today. He came swanning into the room, dressed in a white shirt and black suit trousers. He looked nice and he was asking my opinion on whether he should call Emma, he seems as if he really loves her, and the only advice I had for him, is to try to work things out with her. I have checked my phone at least twenty times in the last thirty minutes, but there is no contact from Adrian. My heart aches again at the thought of checking the phone; I always build myself up to believe that there will be a text or an email from him , every time I check. When I do and I see that there is none, my heart breaks repeatedly. I do not want to conclude that he is gone, there is no way I can accept that feeling.
“It is str ange he is not here isn’t it?” He briefly smiles at me as he says ,
“Yes, I understand if you don’t want to talk about this.”
“No, I do, he is a very complicated guy.”
“I want to know about him; after all he is the brother of the girl that I love.”
“Unlike Emma, Adrian didn’t have the best childhood, his mother was abusive and she brought home different guys almost every night. T here was one in particular that took a disliking to him and he would do awful unthinkable things to ten - year - old Adrian.” I have a lump in my throat as I think of his sadness again. I clear my throat quickly and I proceed to tell James about Adrian.
“It wasn’t until Adrian was twelve that he was brought into care; he spent two years in a children’s home and then was adopted by Mr Jenkins and his wife.”
“I know that type of thing happens on a daily basis and the sheer fact of that is terrible, however most people myself included don’t think of it.”
“I know exactly what you mean, I never thought of anyone goi ng through something like that. I t was mainly because I never knew anyone that had, when Adrian told me all about everything, I was riddled with guilt for my own happy childhood.” I say not taking a breath as I do.
“You don’t see it until it is right there in front of you.” I am in total agreement with James’s words . “Alanna, I feel sorry for the guy but that doesn’t explain why he isn’t here.”
“I know, he isn’t here because he blames himself for what happened to me, I know he is crazy for thinking that but if you knew him then you would understand.”
“He ca lls every day.” I take in a massive gasp of air as I reply .
“I want him to call me not the hospital.”
“H e will , in his own ti me. The guy seems as if he just needs some space, if you give him that then I am sure he will return to you.” I wish that were true, I wish that if I gave him then time he would see that he is wrong for staying away. I know that’s not the case, and I worry that every moment he is gone the less likely it is that he will ever come back. The biggest fear I have and what hurts me more than the pain in my stomach, is the thought of life without Adrian Black.
Three
I rest peacefully in the comfortable hospital bed w ith my earphones lodged in my ears. I reflect on yesterday’s events and I have concluded that things can never be the same again. My m other came to visit me last night and she was in one of her moods. The kind she only has when my d ad does something to annoy her. The strain she had in her eyes was alarming; her voice was broke n as if she’d been shouting for hours on end. Her usual calm and collective p resence was far from there last night. When we talked, everything I said seemed to upset her and she would cut me off before I asked her what was wrong. I cannot say that I am not worried about how she was acting. It alerts me when I have the rare chance to witness my mom like this. However, she did agree to bring in Penelope later on today so I guess that is a good sign. James has also made an appearance today. He came swanning into the room, dressed in a white shirt and black suit trousers. He looked nice and he was asking my opinion on whether he should call Emma, he seems as if he really loves her, and the only advice I had for him, is to try to work things out with her. I have checked my phone at least twenty times in the last thirty minutes, but there is no contact from Adrian. My heart aches again at the thought of checking the phone; I always build myself up to believe that there will be a text or an email from him , every time I check. When I do and I see that there is none, my heart breaks repeatedly. I do not want to conclude that he is gone, there is no way I can accept that feeling.
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