Read Online This Burns My Heart by Samuel Park - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Samuel Park
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Seoul—awaiting her; visas to foreign countries, and exotic-sounding languages. At the thought, Soo-Ja beamed, which Min mistook for an answer, and he smiled back even more intensely.
“I love you,” he said, in his sweet, almost adolescent voice. “I love you so much, I feel like my insides could explode. If you don’t love me, then don’t marry me out of love, marry me out of pity. I have nothingto live for without you. Give me something to live for. My parents don’t care about me. I have no future. I have no reason to go on. But you can save me. Marry me. Marry me and save me. My life is in your hands.”
At that moment, Soo-Ja felt like her own life had never mattered more, her body jolted by the rush that must be the addict’s first thrill. She’d never felt more powerful. Her father was wrong. Min might not have the education or the prospects, but right that second, those things meant nothing. She would never find someone with so much passion for her—a lovesick boy who’d rather die than live without her. He needed her, and his need felt intoxicating. It was even stronger than love. Min swooned in a fever, and she worried he might faint at any moment. She was going to save him, yes—rescue him from himself and the world that hurt him.
Soo-Ja began to gently massage Min’s head, full of affection. Min took it as an opening of sorts, and he began to kiss her again. Soo-Ja kissed him back, and Min enveloped her in an embrace. They lay on the floor, and Soo-Ja could feel parts of them locking together, arm against arm, hip against hip, until it felt like no air could pass between them. His tongue felt wet against hers, like biting a juicy mango, its nectar running down her chin. Though she had her eyes closed, every part of her body felt awake, telegraphing sensations from pore to pore. When she opened her eyes, she could see Min’s pleasure in his pupils, and she felt proud of being responsible for it.
Min was now lying with his legs clasped around hers, his hands caressing the sides of her face. Soo-Ja wrapped her arms around his back and squeezed his body against hers. Touching him felt as natural as breathing and was done with the same ease. They were, physically, a natural match. Each kiss led into another, their mouths opening and closing to let in breaths, and each other.
Min began to undo the buttons of his pants, but when he hiked up her skirt, Soo-Ja instinctively stopped him. She knew she couldn’t make love to him;
shouldn’t, mustn’t
. But she also felt a sudden rush of gratitude that made her want to touch and be touched. This felt good, just like thinking about her future felt good. Besides, if they made love, itwas as good as signing a marriage certificate. No man in his right mind would dare deflower a woman and then refuse to take her as his wife, thought Soo-Ja. Otherwise, he would be destroying her life. So this could work to her advantage…
Finally, when Min tried to lift up her skirt for a second time, Soo-Ja did not stop him. Min held her arms up over her head, against the floor, as if stretching her, and let his fingers interlace with hers. They continued kissing, and as the kisses grew more intense, Soo-Ja closed her eyes and felt herself floating. Their bodies were moving to the same rhythm, him pressing up and down against her, and she enjoyed a lulling sensation, as if the two of them were rising from the earth and swirling in the air, toward the rain beating down on their flesh.
Bang, bang, bang
, sounded the wooden drums.
Min and his friends, chanting loudly and playing music, could be heard for miles as they carried the wedding chest down the street. Soo-Ja watched as the men came closer, though still a block away. They all wore male hanboks—loose-fitting gray pantaloons on the bottom, and blue jackets with wide sleeves on top, fastened at the chest with ribbons. They walked proudly, in step, chanting. One of them held up a
jwa-go
drum with the symbol of the flag
“I love you,” he said, in his sweet, almost adolescent voice. “I love you so much, I feel like my insides could explode. If you don’t love me, then don’t marry me out of love, marry me out of pity. I have nothingto live for without you. Give me something to live for. My parents don’t care about me. I have no future. I have no reason to go on. But you can save me. Marry me. Marry me and save me. My life is in your hands.”
At that moment, Soo-Ja felt like her own life had never mattered more, her body jolted by the rush that must be the addict’s first thrill. She’d never felt more powerful. Her father was wrong. Min might not have the education or the prospects, but right that second, those things meant nothing. She would never find someone with so much passion for her—a lovesick boy who’d rather die than live without her. He needed her, and his need felt intoxicating. It was even stronger than love. Min swooned in a fever, and she worried he might faint at any moment. She was going to save him, yes—rescue him from himself and the world that hurt him.
Soo-Ja began to gently massage Min’s head, full of affection. Min took it as an opening of sorts, and he began to kiss her again. Soo-Ja kissed him back, and Min enveloped her in an embrace. They lay on the floor, and Soo-Ja could feel parts of them locking together, arm against arm, hip against hip, until it felt like no air could pass between them. His tongue felt wet against hers, like biting a juicy mango, its nectar running down her chin. Though she had her eyes closed, every part of her body felt awake, telegraphing sensations from pore to pore. When she opened her eyes, she could see Min’s pleasure in his pupils, and she felt proud of being responsible for it.
Min was now lying with his legs clasped around hers, his hands caressing the sides of her face. Soo-Ja wrapped her arms around his back and squeezed his body against hers. Touching him felt as natural as breathing and was done with the same ease. They were, physically, a natural match. Each kiss led into another, their mouths opening and closing to let in breaths, and each other.
Min began to undo the buttons of his pants, but when he hiked up her skirt, Soo-Ja instinctively stopped him. She knew she couldn’t make love to him;
shouldn’t, mustn’t
. But she also felt a sudden rush of gratitude that made her want to touch and be touched. This felt good, just like thinking about her future felt good. Besides, if they made love, itwas as good as signing a marriage certificate. No man in his right mind would dare deflower a woman and then refuse to take her as his wife, thought Soo-Ja. Otherwise, he would be destroying her life. So this could work to her advantage…
Finally, when Min tried to lift up her skirt for a second time, Soo-Ja did not stop him. Min held her arms up over her head, against the floor, as if stretching her, and let his fingers interlace with hers. They continued kissing, and as the kisses grew more intense, Soo-Ja closed her eyes and felt herself floating. Their bodies were moving to the same rhythm, him pressing up and down against her, and she enjoyed a lulling sensation, as if the two of them were rising from the earth and swirling in the air, toward the rain beating down on their flesh.
Bang, bang, bang
, sounded the wooden drums.
Min and his friends, chanting loudly and playing music, could be heard for miles as they carried the wedding chest down the street. Soo-Ja watched as the men came closer, though still a block away. They all wore male hanboks—loose-fitting gray pantaloons on the bottom, and blue jackets with wide sleeves on top, fastened at the chest with ribbons. They walked proudly, in step, chanting. One of them held up a
jwa-go
drum with the symbol of the flag
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