Read Online This Burns My Heart by Samuel Park - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Samuel Park
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and she began to cry. Soo-Ja felt her body shiver with emotion, and quick, guttural noises began to slip out of her lips. Why is it, she wondered, that an enemy or a stranger would leave no mark, but her father—her adored father—could wound her so deeply?She’d never cry out of pain alone, but pain and love together—especially the love—could inspire her to sob to the point of gasping for air.
Soo-Ja was in the middle of taking a long breath when she suddenly heard her door slide open. She turned around, ready to yell at her brother or a servant or whoever it was who’d come in without knocking first. But when she saw that it was Min, no words came out of her mouth.
“I told your maid she didn’t need to show me out in the rain, and I could find my way out by myself. But when I got to your gate, I just rattled the latch and slammed it shut.”
Soo-Ja stopped crying. She turned the knob on the lamp until it was dark again. Min took that as a sign that he could come closer. He walked toward her and then kneeled on the floor, facing her. They sat there, speaking barely above a whisper, their bodies open to each other, looking like two people at prayer. She could feel vibrations running up and down her body.
“So you heard everything my father said.”
“Yes.”
“Is he right?”
“No.”
“Was there a girl at the factory? Did you get someone pregnant?”
“No! Of course not!”
Soo-Ja nodded. “I was right. My father doesn’t know you.”
“But I agree that I am an unlucky kkang-pae, a very poor prospect for marriage,” said Min matter-of-factly.
“Don’t say that. Have more esteem for yourself.”
“Nobody can see the good in me, Soo-Ja. Except for you.”
“Don’t talk like that. Please,” she said, fighting the emotion caught in her throat. Though he did not know it, Min had said the magic words. She found it irresistible—the idea that she alone could see his value, and that he would remain indebted to her for doing so.
“Didn’t you hear your father’s words? I have nothing to offer anyone,” said Min.
Soo-Ja ran her fingers through his hair. “But you’re good at heart, I know you are.”
Min gave a start, hearing a noise outside. “What was that?”
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry. Everyone’s asleep. They can’t hear us in the main house,” said Soo-Ja.
“Why are you so good to me, Soo-Ja? When everyone else has been so bad?” He closed his eyes, as she felt the shape of his face with her fingers, tracing his cheeks, the stubble on his chin.
“Do you want me to stop? Does it bother you?” she asked him, smiling.
“It’ll just make it all the more painful when you leave me at last,” he said, opening his eyes again. She traced his eyebrows with her fingers. She knew he meant this as a question, and she had to answer it.
“Min, I don’t know if I can marry you. Not after what happened tonight.”
Min shook his head. “If you disobey your father, he’ll be angry at you, but over time, he’ll see that you made the right decision.”
“But he wouldn’t like losing me, if you took me away from here. Especially if you let me become a diplomat, and we left the country,” said Soo-Ja, using those particular words on purpose, trying him out to see how he would respond.
“I don’t care where we go, as long as we’re together.”
Soo-Ja, gladdened by his answer, peered into Min’s beautiful eyes, shining down on her like the Seven North Stars. She traced his dark eyebrows, which stood in such contrast to his pale skin. She smiled, thinking about the freedom she would earn if she married him. Min took her smile as an invitation, and he kissed her, his creamy lips touching hers, his hand grazing her neck.
“Do you love me?” he asked when he let go.
Soo-Ja was tempted to lie and say that she did, but the truth was that she hardly knew him. It wasn’t love; it was the promise of a new life. It was the Namdaemun—the gate in the heart of
Soo-Ja was in the middle of taking a long breath when she suddenly heard her door slide open. She turned around, ready to yell at her brother or a servant or whoever it was who’d come in without knocking first. But when she saw that it was Min, no words came out of her mouth.
“I told your maid she didn’t need to show me out in the rain, and I could find my way out by myself. But when I got to your gate, I just rattled the latch and slammed it shut.”
Soo-Ja stopped crying. She turned the knob on the lamp until it was dark again. Min took that as a sign that he could come closer. He walked toward her and then kneeled on the floor, facing her. They sat there, speaking barely above a whisper, their bodies open to each other, looking like two people at prayer. She could feel vibrations running up and down her body.
“So you heard everything my father said.”
“Yes.”
“Is he right?”
“No.”
“Was there a girl at the factory? Did you get someone pregnant?”
“No! Of course not!”
Soo-Ja nodded. “I was right. My father doesn’t know you.”
“But I agree that I am an unlucky kkang-pae, a very poor prospect for marriage,” said Min matter-of-factly.
“Don’t say that. Have more esteem for yourself.”
“Nobody can see the good in me, Soo-Ja. Except for you.”
“Don’t talk like that. Please,” she said, fighting the emotion caught in her throat. Though he did not know it, Min had said the magic words. She found it irresistible—the idea that she alone could see his value, and that he would remain indebted to her for doing so.
“Didn’t you hear your father’s words? I have nothing to offer anyone,” said Min.
Soo-Ja ran her fingers through his hair. “But you’re good at heart, I know you are.”
Min gave a start, hearing a noise outside. “What was that?”
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry. Everyone’s asleep. They can’t hear us in the main house,” said Soo-Ja.
“Why are you so good to me, Soo-Ja? When everyone else has been so bad?” He closed his eyes, as she felt the shape of his face with her fingers, tracing his cheeks, the stubble on his chin.
“Do you want me to stop? Does it bother you?” she asked him, smiling.
“It’ll just make it all the more painful when you leave me at last,” he said, opening his eyes again. She traced his eyebrows with her fingers. She knew he meant this as a question, and she had to answer it.
“Min, I don’t know if I can marry you. Not after what happened tonight.”
Min shook his head. “If you disobey your father, he’ll be angry at you, but over time, he’ll see that you made the right decision.”
“But he wouldn’t like losing me, if you took me away from here. Especially if you let me become a diplomat, and we left the country,” said Soo-Ja, using those particular words on purpose, trying him out to see how he would respond.
“I don’t care where we go, as long as we’re together.”
Soo-Ja, gladdened by his answer, peered into Min’s beautiful eyes, shining down on her like the Seven North Stars. She traced his dark eyebrows, which stood in such contrast to his pale skin. She smiled, thinking about the freedom she would earn if she married him. Min took her smile as an invitation, and he kissed her, his creamy lips touching hers, his hand grazing her neck.
“Do you love me?” he asked when he let go.
Soo-Ja was tempted to lie and say that she did, but the truth was that she hardly knew him. It wasn’t love; it was the promise of a new life. It was the Namdaemun—the gate in the heart of
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