Read Online Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About by Mil Millington - Free Book Online

to map the internal reasoning of a psychology that could incubate such a concept, but it's the logical equivalent of falling infinitely into the Mandelbrot set and I pull back, palsied and afraid. Instead, I reach for my ace.
    'Well, whatever, the point is – this yoga is only relaxing you for the precise amount of time you're doing it. Once you get back home you're just the same. In fact, you've been moaning even more than usual for the last few weeks.'
    'No I haven't.'
    'Yes, you have.'
    'No, no – I haven't been
moaning
,' she says, rolling her eyes and tutting. She reaches forward and ruffles my hair. 'I've just been moaning
at you
.' With that, she gets up and breezes from the room.
    You know… I've been thinking about it for several days now, and I still can't figure out who won there.

81
    Romance Masterclass.
    It's Wednesday the 12th of February. It's early evening. Margret and I are sitting in the living room. Margret has asked me to do something the following day.
    Mil: 'I can't, I'm afraid. I'm going into town.'
    Margret: 'Why? What do you need to go to town for?'
    Mil: 'Oh, I have to get some stuff.'
    Margret: 'What stuff?'
    Mil: 'Just some stuff… things.'
    Margret: 'What things?'
    Mil: 'Various things.'
    Margret: 'What things?'
    Mil: 'What does it matter?'
    Margret: 'What things?'
    Mil: 'It's not important what
specific
things, is it? I have to
get
things or I wouldn't be cycling into town, would I? All that's relevant here is that I have to go, not the details of the individual items I need to get – there's no point wasting time giving you a big list, when the only significant point is that
I need to go to town
.'
    Margret: 'What things?'
    Mil: 'Oh, for Christ's sake… Pizzas. I need to buy some pizzas, OK?'
    Margret: 'We've got pizzas.'
    Mil: 'We've got
a
pizza.'
    Margret: 'So? How many do you need?'
    Mil: 'Several. I want to have several in the fridge.'
    Margret: 'Why?'
    Mil: 'So that we have a stock of them.'
    Margret: 'Why?'
    Mil: 'So that we don't run out,
obviously
.'
    Margret: 'What would happen if we ran out?'
    Mil: 'I'd have to go to town.'
    This flings itself out of my mouth while my higher brain is still racing along behind it frantically waving its arms and shouting, 'Wait! Wait!'
    Margret responds with just the tiniest movement of her eyebrows. Absolutely
minuscule.
Sufficient in size, however, to make me wonder if I could get a UN resolution to have her bombed.
    Mil: 'I have to get other things too.'
    Margret: 'What things?'
    Mil: 'What the bloody hell does it
matter
? Why can't I go to town if I want to, for God's sake?'
    Margret: 'Why are you being secretive? What are you up to?'
    Mil: 'I'm not up to anything.'
    Margret: 'Yes you are.'
    Mil: 'Like what?'
    Margret: 'I don't know.'
    Mil: 'Because there isn't anything.'
    Margret: 'Yes there is – I can tell.'
    Mil: 'There isn't.'
    Margret: 'You bloody
liar
.'
    Mil: 'You bloody mad woman.'
    Margret: 'Tell me.'
    Mil: 'Stop talking now.'
    Margret: 'Tell me.'
    Mil: 'I…'
    Margret: '
Tell me
.'
    I think we've both risen to our feet by this point (it allows for better voice projection).
    Mil: 'OK! OK! You want to know why I need to go up town, you relentless harridan?!'
    Margret: ''Yes! You lying swine!'
    Mil: 'So I can get your Valentine's Day card! So I can get your bloody Valentine's Day card and post it to here – so it'll arrive as a nice surprise through the post!'
    A tiny flicker. It's the merest stutter of hesitation, though, then she's back on track before the beat is really lost.
    Margret: 'You don't need to get me a bloody Valentine's Day card!'
    (I can't imagine what makes her think she's going to get away with this move – she must be getting old.)
    Mil: 'Too bad! Because I'm
getting
you a Valentine's Day card! And I'm
posting
it to you! Tomorrow!
When I go to town!
'
    Margret: 'THERE'S NO BLOODY NEED!'
    Mil: 'WELL IT'S GOING TO BLOODY HAPPEN – GET USED TO IT!'
    And, indeed, I do go to town, buy her a card, and post it. Inside I