joking.Then, face falling into serious lines, he says, “Your kidneys.”
“Oh.”Somehow, I’d actually managed to forget about my illness.All day, I’ve been so caught up in surviving, in this electric adrenaline feeling, I managed to forget what I survived in the first place.At least, what I literally survived.
I set the drink down on the bar, forcing the negative thinking away with a couple mental chants.They don’t really work, so I do the next best thing: grab Alex’s hand and pull him towards the dance floor.
A slow song begins a few minutes later.I put my arms around Alex’s neck; he puts his around my waist.We sway slowly, only half-dancing.It’s nice to just be close to him.
“Beautiful ceremony,” he says, as I rest my head on his shoulder.I nod.“What was your favorite part?”
I laugh, remembering the bride's dramatic song, dedicated to Killian as part of her vows.“Aunt Jane’s musical number.”
“Mine too.”
The music goes on, and I shut my eyes, focusing on Alex again.It’s strange to think of how much I trust him, and how unafraid I am to let myself do it.After this summer, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to do that again.
“Actually,” I say, suddenly, “I changed my mind.”
“About what?”
I lift my head, looking at him.“My favorite part.It wasn’t Jane singing—though that’s a close second.”We smirk.“It was seeing all of Killian’s kids together, just looking at their dad and…and being so happy for him.And how happy he was they were all here.”
“That was really sweet.Fiona’s poem was wonderful.”
I nod, thinking of the way she teared up at the end.It was a piece about daddy’s girls, and while Fiona and all her sisters, as well as most of the guests, dabbed their eyes with tissues, I’d fought tooth and nail to keep mine back.Somehow, then, I’d done it.But no luck this time.
“Whoa, whoa—what’s wrong?”Alex holds me out at arm’s length, frightened.“Are you okay?Oh, shit, was it the alcohol—are you sick?”
“I’m fine,” I say quickly, shaking my head.“I just…”I take a deep breath, shaking the tension from my hands.“It got to me, I guess.”
“What?”He pauses.“Fiona’s poem?”
“All of it.Just…seeing how she looked at him.”I hesitate.“How he looked at her.”
Alex’s face relaxes.He pulls me back against him, stroking my hair.“That’s okay, Erin.It’s okay.”
We sway like that, in time with the music, until the song’s almost over.I can’t stop thinking about what he just said.
It’s okay.
“No,” I tell him, and shake my head again.I look up at him.“It’s not okay.Because…because I never got that.And I know I said ‘shitty things happen,’ and it’s not a big deal…but it’s huge, when it’s something like that.”I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand, praying no one else has noticed.When I look at him again, I can tell he already knows what I’m about to say.
“I think I want to find my dad.”
Chapter Eight
“We’re leaving in a week,” I tell Fiona, smiling.“Alex has some friends who can help us get his address, but if not, we can always show up at his work.But I want to talk to him on the phone first, I think.”I sip my Diet Coke thoughtfully.“I don’t want to blindside him.”
She nods, completely rapt.“Wow.You’re really brave, Erin.I don’t know if
“Oh.”Somehow, I’d actually managed to forget about my illness.All day, I’ve been so caught up in surviving, in this electric adrenaline feeling, I managed to forget what I survived in the first place.At least, what I literally survived.
I set the drink down on the bar, forcing the negative thinking away with a couple mental chants.They don’t really work, so I do the next best thing: grab Alex’s hand and pull him towards the dance floor.
A slow song begins a few minutes later.I put my arms around Alex’s neck; he puts his around my waist.We sway slowly, only half-dancing.It’s nice to just be close to him.
“Beautiful ceremony,” he says, as I rest my head on his shoulder.I nod.“What was your favorite part?”
I laugh, remembering the bride's dramatic song, dedicated to Killian as part of her vows.“Aunt Jane’s musical number.”
“Mine too.”
The music goes on, and I shut my eyes, focusing on Alex again.It’s strange to think of how much I trust him, and how unafraid I am to let myself do it.After this summer, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to do that again.
“Actually,” I say, suddenly, “I changed my mind.”
“About what?”
I lift my head, looking at him.“My favorite part.It wasn’t Jane singing—though that’s a close second.”We smirk.“It was seeing all of Killian’s kids together, just looking at their dad and…and being so happy for him.And how happy he was they were all here.”
“That was really sweet.Fiona’s poem was wonderful.”
I nod, thinking of the way she teared up at the end.It was a piece about daddy’s girls, and while Fiona and all her sisters, as well as most of the guests, dabbed their eyes with tissues, I’d fought tooth and nail to keep mine back.Somehow, then, I’d done it.But no luck this time.
“Whoa, whoa—what’s wrong?”Alex holds me out at arm’s length, frightened.“Are you okay?Oh, shit, was it the alcohol—are you sick?”
“I’m fine,” I say quickly, shaking my head.“I just…”I take a deep breath, shaking the tension from my hands.“It got to me, I guess.”
“What?”He pauses.“Fiona’s poem?”
“All of it.Just…seeing how she looked at him.”I hesitate.“How he looked at her.”
Alex’s face relaxes.He pulls me back against him, stroking my hair.“That’s okay, Erin.It’s okay.”
We sway like that, in time with the music, until the song’s almost over.I can’t stop thinking about what he just said.
It’s okay.
“No,” I tell him, and shake my head again.I look up at him.“It’s not okay.Because…because I never got that.And I know I said ‘shitty things happen,’ and it’s not a big deal…but it’s huge, when it’s something like that.”I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand, praying no one else has noticed.When I look at him again, I can tell he already knows what I’m about to say.
“I think I want to find my dad.”
Chapter Eight
“We’re leaving in a week,” I tell Fiona, smiling.“Alex has some friends who can help us get his address, but if not, we can always show up at his work.But I want to talk to him on the phone first, I think.”I sip my Diet Coke thoughtfully.“I don’t want to blindside him.”
She nods, completely rapt.“Wow.You’re really brave, Erin.I don’t know if
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