The World According to Humphrey

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Authors: Betty G. Birney
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Brisbane told him.
    “But Humphrey!” he protested.
    “Well, what is it?” Mrs. Brisbane was getting irritated.
    “He’s in his cage!” he said.
    A few of my classmates giggled, but not Mrs. Brisbane.
    “In case you haven’t noticed, he’s always in his cage, Garth,” she said. “Now get back in your seat.”
    Garth did what she said, but for the rest of the day I noticed him staring over at me.
    On Thursday, Mrs. Brisbane announced that I would be spending the weekend at A.J.’s house.
    “Yes!” shouted A.J., delighted at the news.
    A few seconds later, a whole series of rubber bands hit A.J. on his neck, shoulder and head.
    “Cool it, Garth!” yelled A.J., jumping out of his chair. “Man, I’m tired of these rubber bands.”
    Garth acted innocent. “I don’t know where they came from. They could have come from anywhere.”
    “Garth did it,” Heidi said. “I saw him.”
    Mrs. Brisbane didn’t remind Heidi to raise her hand. But she did tell Garth to stay in during recess.
    “Not fair,” Garth muttered under his breath.
    When the bell rang for recess, Garth stayed in his seat. Mrs. Brisbane closed the door when all the other students had left and walked to his desk. Normally, I would have been napping at this time, but I was wide-awake and wondering what that boy had to say.
    “Garth. You’ve been acting strangely lately. You never got into trouble at all until two weeks ago. Now you’re shooting rubber bands at people and disturbing the entire class. Can you tell me why?”
    Garth slowly shook his head no.
    “Your grades are slipping, too. Has something changed in your life?”
    Garth slowly shook his head again.
    “How about at home? Is anything wrong?”
    Garth didn’t shake his head. He didn’t move a muscle.
    “Should I talk to your parents about your behavior, Garth?”
    Garth’s face got very red.
    “No,” he said with a choking sound.
    Mrs. Brisbane moved closer and put her hand on Garth’s shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
    “My . . . mom’s . . . sick,” he said. “Real sick.” Tears ran down his cheeks. I was feeling a little teary-eyed myself.
    “How sick?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.
    “She lost all this weight and she was in and out of the hospital and now she’s just tired all the time and . . .” Garth didn’t try to finish his sentence.
    Garth wiped away the tears with the tissue Mrs. Brisbane handed him. “That’s why I can’t take Humphrey home. My dad says we can’t let anything bother Mom. Well, my little brother bothers her and we let him in the house.”
    Mrs. Brisbane smiled slightly. “Humphrey is a big responsibility, Garth. That’s why I don’t take him home. My husband’s been sick, too. Did you know that?”
    Garth shook his head. “No.”
    “So I know what it’s like. Listen, I’ll make a few calls tonight. Maybe we can find a way for you to spend some time with Humphrey,” she said.
    “But he hates me,” I squeaked.
    “I’d like to,” said Garth.
    Huh? I was confused.
    “But you have to promise me that you won’t disrupt the class anymore,” Mrs. Brisbane told him. “Is that a deal?”
    Garth nodded. “Deal.”
    As you know, I’m very good at coming up with plans to solve human problems. Very, very good. But try as I might, I couldn’t imagine what Mrs. Brisbane’s plan to get Garth to spend time with me could be.
    I was still trying to figure it out when Aldo arrived that night.
    “Humphrey, my man!” he yelled when he opened the door.
    I almost fell off my wheel.
    “You are the most handsome, intelligent hamster in the world! And I am the luckiest man in the world! Because I am dating the most beautiful woman in the world!”
    Aldo swept his way toward my cage, then lowered his voice. “Uh, but don’t tell anybody I said so. Not yet. After all, Maria and I have only been out three times. But, oh, what times we’ve had!”
    He pulled up a chair and sat very close to me.
    “And it’s all thanks to the Moonlighters

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