Read Online 5 Minutes and 42 Seconds by Timothy Williams - Free Book Online
Authors: Timothy Williams
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thatâs never been a home, watching stories, waiting for somebody to need me.
Never let myself feel all that before. Probably âcause I knew I couldnât have it with Fashad. Asking him for sex is like pulling teeth. And how the hell can I argue with someone I never see? Even when I do try and start an argument with him, he just leaves. Just like today.
I always used to root for the gold-digging hos on thestories, but now I just feel sorry for them. Donât get me wrong, they still my âgirls,â but I want them to find somebody they can have real feelings for. Somebody they can hit and throw something at once in a while. Somebody they can argue with who will argue back. Somebody they can be angry with and fuck anyway, then go right back to being mad at after he comes. Real happinessâbecause thereâs never enough money.
Â
E verybody thinks Iâm so lucky. Nobody understands, I donât even have anyone to talk to about it. No one, except my one friend. I canât wait till he comes over. Matter of fact, where is he? All My Children already done started. Last time, he tried to talk me out of my misery, talking about all the people who would kill to be sitting where Iâm sitting: in Fashadâs house, with Fashadâs children. I told him Heaven wasnât exactly what it appeared to be. He donât know how I live. I get up. I fix they lunches; take a nap; watch my stories; do a little cleaning, then itâs time to cook his dinner. I lay in bed till he git back from her house, and when he donât Iâm sort of happy âcause I donât have to listen to him snore. Where is my life? When does Cameisha get to live for Cameisha? I canât live like this. I want to be something more than somebodyâs babyâs momma. I want to be somebodyâs soul mate.
How can my friend not understand what Iâm feeling? From the way he get all starry-eyed, I know he got a soul mate too. He gone see things my way today. Whatâs not to get?
There he is in the driveway now.
CAMEISHA: A CONFESSION
M y name is Cameisha Bradley and when that trumpet sounds that money is going to be mine.
Iâve had three lives in this one body so far. The first life I spent dreaming. I was going to have it all, the only question was how. Back then I didnât even know what having it all meant, but I knew I wanted to have more fans than I could count and men throwing themselves at my feet. Whitney Houston wasnât gonna have nothing on me. Being a poor little naïve black girl from Detroit, I didnât know the first thing about making it as an actress, singer, model, or whatever. Then I met Dominique. He told me I had star potential, said he was going to take me to the top. I had no reason not to believe him. He had more money than any of the good-for-nothing boys who were trying to date me, plus he was from Los Angeles. I figured that had to be worth something. I guess you can say he was my boyfriend,but you canât say I was his girlfriend. I was one of many. He took my virginity and went right back to wherever it was he really came from; I ainât seen him since. Nine months later Dream showed up. That was the end of that lifetime.
I spent my second lifetime worrying. Momma kicked me out the house when I told her I was pregnant. I thought she didnât care about me then, but to look back on it, she was crying. She said it was going to be harder for her than it was for me and Dream, said she been raisinâ kids since she was thirteen and had served her time, said she always wanted to go to New York and was going. She kissed me on my forehead, then my belly, then turned her back on us. I used to cry myself to sleep at night wondering why she did it. I knew she loved me, but how you justify loving your child and kicking them out? I couldnât make the two fit. I understand now. Momma had dreams of her own and wanted to be something more.
I had to
Never let myself feel all that before. Probably âcause I knew I couldnât have it with Fashad. Asking him for sex is like pulling teeth. And how the hell can I argue with someone I never see? Even when I do try and start an argument with him, he just leaves. Just like today.
I always used to root for the gold-digging hos on thestories, but now I just feel sorry for them. Donât get me wrong, they still my âgirls,â but I want them to find somebody they can have real feelings for. Somebody they can hit and throw something at once in a while. Somebody they can argue with who will argue back. Somebody they can be angry with and fuck anyway, then go right back to being mad at after he comes. Real happinessâbecause thereâs never enough money.
Â
E verybody thinks Iâm so lucky. Nobody understands, I donât even have anyone to talk to about it. No one, except my one friend. I canât wait till he comes over. Matter of fact, where is he? All My Children already done started. Last time, he tried to talk me out of my misery, talking about all the people who would kill to be sitting where Iâm sitting: in Fashadâs house, with Fashadâs children. I told him Heaven wasnât exactly what it appeared to be. He donât know how I live. I get up. I fix they lunches; take a nap; watch my stories; do a little cleaning, then itâs time to cook his dinner. I lay in bed till he git back from her house, and when he donât Iâm sort of happy âcause I donât have to listen to him snore. Where is my life? When does Cameisha get to live for Cameisha? I canât live like this. I want to be something more than somebodyâs babyâs momma. I want to be somebodyâs soul mate.
How can my friend not understand what Iâm feeling? From the way he get all starry-eyed, I know he got a soul mate too. He gone see things my way today. Whatâs not to get?
There he is in the driveway now.
CAMEISHA: A CONFESSION
M y name is Cameisha Bradley and when that trumpet sounds that money is going to be mine.
Iâve had three lives in this one body so far. The first life I spent dreaming. I was going to have it all, the only question was how. Back then I didnât even know what having it all meant, but I knew I wanted to have more fans than I could count and men throwing themselves at my feet. Whitney Houston wasnât gonna have nothing on me. Being a poor little naïve black girl from Detroit, I didnât know the first thing about making it as an actress, singer, model, or whatever. Then I met Dominique. He told me I had star potential, said he was going to take me to the top. I had no reason not to believe him. He had more money than any of the good-for-nothing boys who were trying to date me, plus he was from Los Angeles. I figured that had to be worth something. I guess you can say he was my boyfriend,but you canât say I was his girlfriend. I was one of many. He took my virginity and went right back to wherever it was he really came from; I ainât seen him since. Nine months later Dream showed up. That was the end of that lifetime.
I spent my second lifetime worrying. Momma kicked me out the house when I told her I was pregnant. I thought she didnât care about me then, but to look back on it, she was crying. She said it was going to be harder for her than it was for me and Dream, said she been raisinâ kids since she was thirteen and had served her time, said she always wanted to go to New York and was going. She kissed me on my forehead, then my belly, then turned her back on us. I used to cry myself to sleep at night wondering why she did it. I knew she loved me, but how you justify loving your child and kicking them out? I couldnât make the two fit. I understand now. Momma had dreams of her own and wanted to be something more.
I had to
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