season: bare arms in spring (however cold it is) and woolen jacket in autumn (however hot it is). 29. In the southern hemisphere, covering the
Christmas tree with fake snow even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ. 30. Assuming, as you grow older, that youre the guardian of the worlds wisdom, even if you havent necessarily lived enough to know whats right and wrong. 31. Going to a charity tea party and thinking that youve
done your bit toward putting an end to social inequality in the world. 32. Eating three times a day
even if youre not hungry. 33. Believing that other people are always better than you better-looking, more capable, richer, more intelligentand that its very dangerous to step
outside your own limits, so its best to do nothing.
34. Using your car as a weapon and as impenetrable armor. 35. Swearing when in heavy
traffic. 36. Believing that everything your child does wrong is entirely down to the company he or she keeps. 37. Marrying the first person who offers you a decent
position in society. Love can wait. 38. Always saying, I tried when you didnt really try at all. 39.
Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you wont have the energy. 40. Avoiding depression with large daily doses of
television. 41. Believing that you can be sure of everything youve achieved. 42. Assuming
that women dont like football and that men arent interested in home decoration and cooking. 43. Blaming the government for all the bad things that happen. 44. Thinking that being a
good, decent, respectable person will mean that others will see you as weak, vulnerable,
and easy to manipulate. 45. Being equally convinced that aggression and rudeness are synonymous with having a powerful personality. 46. Being afraid of having an endoscopy (if
youre a man) and giving birth (if youre a woman).
The friend laughs. You should make a film on the subject, he says. Not again, Javits
thinks. They have no idea. Theyre with me all the time, but they still dont understand what I do. I dont make films.
All films start out in the mind of a so-called producer. Hes read a book, say, or had a
brilliant idea while driving along the freeways of Los Angeles (which is really a large
suburb in search of a city). Unfor- tunately, hes alone, both in the car and in his desire
to transform that brilliant idea into something that can be seen on the screen.
He finds out if the film rights to the book are still available. If the response is
negative, he goes in search of another productafter all, more than sixty thousand books
are published each year in the United States alone. If the response is positive, he phones
the author and makes the lowest possible offer, which is usually accepted because its not
only actors and actresses who like to be associated with the dream machine. Every author
feels more important when his or her words are trans- formed into images.
They arrange to have lunch. The producer says that the book is a work of art and highly
cinematographic and that the writer is a genius deserving of recognition. The writer
explains that he spent five years working on the book and asks to be allowed to help in
the writing of the script. No, really, you shouldnt do that, its an entirely different
medium, comes the reply, but I know youll love the result. Then he adds: The film will be
totally true to the book, which, as both of them know, is a complete and utter lie.
The writer decides that he should agree to the conditions, promis- ing himself that next
time will be different. He accepts. The producer now says that they have to interest one
of the big studios because they need financial backing for the project. He names a few
stars he claims to have lined up for the lead roleswhich is another complete and utter
lie, but one that is always wheeled out and always works as a se- duction technique. He
buys what is
Jessica Anya Blau
Barbara Ann Wright
Carmen Cross
Niall Griffiths
Hazel Kelly
Karen Duvall
Jill Santopolo
Kayla Knight
Allan Cho
Augusten Burroughs