cannot get pregnant.”
“I can’t?” I sighed and released my hands.
“No. You can’t. Kyden is protected with magic. Until he chooses to release that magic you will be safe.”
“Thank god for that,” I sighed again. Then, I remembered how ticked off Zia had been at me. “Listen, I’m really sorry about what happened last night. I know you expect more of me. I’m really trying.”
She rested her hand on my shoulder, her expression consoling. “I know that. It is only out of concern that I am hard on you. I fear that if you don’t get a handle on yourself, you are going to put those you love at serious risk.”
“Okay, well, I’m ready and willing. Show me what to do. I’m the first one who says my control is…well…lacking.”
Zia pulled me down to sit under my willow. “You cannot let your emotions take over. You need to be stronger than this and I know you are capable of it. I’ve seen your control when you were fighting Talon.” She flicked her strawberry blonde locks behind her shoulder. “Your anger is what makes your power strong and we need to change that. Our magic is White Magic . There shouldn’t be an ounce of anger within you while you are summoning your powers. So, you need to learn to bring the magic forward without it.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is simple. Your powers lie within you. This is not something you need to make happen or force to happen. It just is. You need to embrace who you are. You are not human. You need to stop thinking in those terms. This is why you are failing. You withhold it and when your emotions are running high you cannot control it.”
“It’s just hard to embrace something I don’t really understand.”
“What’s to understand? You are what you are. The Guardian power in you seems to help your focus. It has given you extra strength, and this is something witches would be proud of, but you seem to deny it.”
“I…” What to say here? I understood what she meant. The idea of my having magic was all very unsettling. It just seemed like a big dream—one that I was going to wake up from.
She took my hands in hers, squeezed them tight. “This is hard. I understand that. We all do. In the past months, you have been through more than one can bear. I get that. But it is time for you to move on. Embrace this new life you have. Embrace all that has been given to you. Your talent is something I’m sure we’ve never seen. Not even in me, I am sure of that. This is a beautiful thing and should not be wasted.”
“I feel as if I am failing you.” I pouted.
“You are failing only yourself. When you let your magic be released at times you cannot control it is a failure all your own.”
From there, I suffered one of the greatest pity parties of all time. Yes, I had been through a lot—there was no denying that. Maybe that was the problem. Accepting one part meant I had to accept it all, everything that had happened, and learn to let go—leave the past behind me. I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to do that.
Zia sat quiet, reading my thoughts. When I eased a little, she continued. “There is no secret cure for this. Once you accept your magic, love who you are. Your control will be there,” she said.
“So, that’s it? Once I accept who I am, will this all be easier? No more Fire extraordinaire?”
She laughed softly. “I doubt that. The power you hold within you is great. You have only begun to develop and you are exceeding levels of magic I have never seen.”
“And you think that is because of my having the Guardian power as well?”
“I believe it may have something to do with it, yes. We don’t know what you are capable of until you show us and I fear you will never reach your full potential unless you begin to believe in it.”
I took a deep focusing breath, finally concluding that maybe I was just going about this the wrong
“I can’t?” I sighed and released my hands.
“No. You can’t. Kyden is protected with magic. Until he chooses to release that magic you will be safe.”
“Thank god for that,” I sighed again. Then, I remembered how ticked off Zia had been at me. “Listen, I’m really sorry about what happened last night. I know you expect more of me. I’m really trying.”
She rested her hand on my shoulder, her expression consoling. “I know that. It is only out of concern that I am hard on you. I fear that if you don’t get a handle on yourself, you are going to put those you love at serious risk.”
“Okay, well, I’m ready and willing. Show me what to do. I’m the first one who says my control is…well…lacking.”
Zia pulled me down to sit under my willow. “You cannot let your emotions take over. You need to be stronger than this and I know you are capable of it. I’ve seen your control when you were fighting Talon.” She flicked her strawberry blonde locks behind her shoulder. “Your anger is what makes your power strong and we need to change that. Our magic is White Magic . There shouldn’t be an ounce of anger within you while you are summoning your powers. So, you need to learn to bring the magic forward without it.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is simple. Your powers lie within you. This is not something you need to make happen or force to happen. It just is. You need to embrace who you are. You are not human. You need to stop thinking in those terms. This is why you are failing. You withhold it and when your emotions are running high you cannot control it.”
“It’s just hard to embrace something I don’t really understand.”
“What’s to understand? You are what you are. The Guardian power in you seems to help your focus. It has given you extra strength, and this is something witches would be proud of, but you seem to deny it.”
“I…” What to say here? I understood what she meant. The idea of my having magic was all very unsettling. It just seemed like a big dream—one that I was going to wake up from.
She took my hands in hers, squeezed them tight. “This is hard. I understand that. We all do. In the past months, you have been through more than one can bear. I get that. But it is time for you to move on. Embrace this new life you have. Embrace all that has been given to you. Your talent is something I’m sure we’ve never seen. Not even in me, I am sure of that. This is a beautiful thing and should not be wasted.”
“I feel as if I am failing you.” I pouted.
“You are failing only yourself. When you let your magic be released at times you cannot control it is a failure all your own.”
From there, I suffered one of the greatest pity parties of all time. Yes, I had been through a lot—there was no denying that. Maybe that was the problem. Accepting one part meant I had to accept it all, everything that had happened, and learn to let go—leave the past behind me. I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to do that.
Zia sat quiet, reading my thoughts. When I eased a little, she continued. “There is no secret cure for this. Once you accept your magic, love who you are. Your control will be there,” she said.
“So, that’s it? Once I accept who I am, will this all be easier? No more Fire extraordinaire?”
She laughed softly. “I doubt that. The power you hold within you is great. You have only begun to develop and you are exceeding levels of magic I have never seen.”
“And you think that is because of my having the Guardian power as well?”
“I believe it may have something to do with it, yes. We don’t know what you are capable of until you show us and I fear you will never reach your full potential unless you begin to believe in it.”
I took a deep focusing breath, finally concluding that maybe I was just going about this the wrong
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