Read Online The Waterproof Bible by Andrew Kaufman - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Andrew Kaufman
Tags: General Fiction
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on the south side of Queen Street. She waited for a break in traffic. She took her first awkward step off the curb just as a cube van rounded Broadview. Forced to stop, the driver honked his horn. Aby jumped. The van remained still, the driver open-mouthed, as Aby teetered to the keys, bent at the waist and picked them up. With her fist tightly closed around them, Aby turned and staggered back to her car.
Before moving the stick from P to D, Aby examined the key chain. On one side were white letters on an orange background, an “E” next to a “Z.” On the other side was a photograph of a group of people—probably a family, Aby guessed. Aby was sitting in the car, looking at the picture and thinking about her own family, when she suddenly became incredibly thirsty. Unbelievably thirsty. Thirstier than she had ever been before. So thirsty that she began to drive, desperately looking for water. A pond, a stream, a puddle—anything would do. As Aby’s thirst increased, so did her panic.
Aby drove as fast as she could. Her eyes looked everywhere and at everything. She looked for water on the sidewalks, between parked cars and in third-storey windows. Then, from two blocks away, just as she became desperate enough to try anything, she saw a sign she recognized. The letters “E” and “Z” were in white, set against an orange background. It was the logo from the key chain, and knowing that Siðri needed water too, Aberystwyth pulled into the parking lot of E.Z. Self Storage.
Parking her car, Aby went to the back door because it was the first one she saw. She began sliding keys into the lock, and the fourth one she tried unlocked the door. The handle was different than any she’d ever encountered, very awkward in her webbed hand, but she made it work. Going inside, Aby began searching for water. There was none to be found on the first floor. She couldn’t find any on the second floor, either. Keeping to the shadows, Aby returned to the staircase, and on the third floor she found a tiny room in which water dribbled from something silver.
The fact that the tap dripped enabled Aby to recognize its function. Through trial and error, Aby made the water come faster. Aby drank. She pushed her face all the way into the sink and let the water flow directly into her mouth. She plugged the drain with paper she found attached to the wall, waited until a puddle had collected in the sink, then stuck her head and neck into it. Her gills flapped open and she pulled water through them. She breathed. She breathed again. Her thirst was satisfied, but the effort filled Aberystwyth with homesickness. Leaving the tap running, she fled.
10
Unit #207
The day after her sister’s funeral, Rebecca sat behind her desk in the blood testing lab of Mount Sinai Hospital, doing everything she could not to think about her sister, about the foggy emotions that surrounded her memories of Lisa, or about how these emotions continued to feel further and further away. That her work was repetitive and offered little opportunity for independent thought helped her immensely. After a sleepless night as more and more of her memories became affected, she welcomed the simplicity of running routine tests on blood samples.
Just before noon her telephone rang. It was an external number she didn’t recognize, so she ignored it. But ten minutes later, when the same number called again, Rebecca picked up the receiver.
“Blood work.”
“Rebecca?”
“Yes?”
“This is Edward. Edward Zimmer.”
“Hey. How are you?”
“There’s been an accident.”
“What?”
“Perhaps it’s better if we talk in person.”
“I’ll be right there,” Rebecca said. She hung up the phone, sent an email to her boss describing how severely her sister’s death was affecting her and left the lab.
Twenty minutes later she stood at the front door of E.Z. Self Storage. She unwrapped a piece of nicotine gum, looked up at the security camera and tried to smile. The
Before moving the stick from P to D, Aby examined the key chain. On one side were white letters on an orange background, an “E” next to a “Z.” On the other side was a photograph of a group of people—probably a family, Aby guessed. Aby was sitting in the car, looking at the picture and thinking about her own family, when she suddenly became incredibly thirsty. Unbelievably thirsty. Thirstier than she had ever been before. So thirsty that she began to drive, desperately looking for water. A pond, a stream, a puddle—anything would do. As Aby’s thirst increased, so did her panic.
Aby drove as fast as she could. Her eyes looked everywhere and at everything. She looked for water on the sidewalks, between parked cars and in third-storey windows. Then, from two blocks away, just as she became desperate enough to try anything, she saw a sign she recognized. The letters “E” and “Z” were in white, set against an orange background. It was the logo from the key chain, and knowing that Siðri needed water too, Aberystwyth pulled into the parking lot of E.Z. Self Storage.
Parking her car, Aby went to the back door because it was the first one she saw. She began sliding keys into the lock, and the fourth one she tried unlocked the door. The handle was different than any she’d ever encountered, very awkward in her webbed hand, but she made it work. Going inside, Aby began searching for water. There was none to be found on the first floor. She couldn’t find any on the second floor, either. Keeping to the shadows, Aby returned to the staircase, and on the third floor she found a tiny room in which water dribbled from something silver.
The fact that the tap dripped enabled Aby to recognize its function. Through trial and error, Aby made the water come faster. Aby drank. She pushed her face all the way into the sink and let the water flow directly into her mouth. She plugged the drain with paper she found attached to the wall, waited until a puddle had collected in the sink, then stuck her head and neck into it. Her gills flapped open and she pulled water through them. She breathed. She breathed again. Her thirst was satisfied, but the effort filled Aberystwyth with homesickness. Leaving the tap running, she fled.
10
Unit #207
The day after her sister’s funeral, Rebecca sat behind her desk in the blood testing lab of Mount Sinai Hospital, doing everything she could not to think about her sister, about the foggy emotions that surrounded her memories of Lisa, or about how these emotions continued to feel further and further away. That her work was repetitive and offered little opportunity for independent thought helped her immensely. After a sleepless night as more and more of her memories became affected, she welcomed the simplicity of running routine tests on blood samples.
Just before noon her telephone rang. It was an external number she didn’t recognize, so she ignored it. But ten minutes later, when the same number called again, Rebecca picked up the receiver.
“Blood work.”
“Rebecca?”
“Yes?”
“This is Edward. Edward Zimmer.”
“Hey. How are you?”
“There’s been an accident.”
“What?”
“Perhaps it’s better if we talk in person.”
“I’ll be right there,” Rebecca said. She hung up the phone, sent an email to her boss describing how severely her sister’s death was affecting her and left the lab.
Twenty minutes later she stood at the front door of E.Z. Self Storage. She unwrapped a piece of nicotine gum, looked up at the security camera and tried to smile. The
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