Read Online The Watchers on the Shore by Stan Barstow - Free Book Online Page A

about?'
    'I don't want to be on my own.'
    'It wouldn't be for long. And I'd be able to get home.'
    'You wouldn't be able to afford it every week.'
    'I suppose you could move in with your mother for a while. Keep her company till she gets better.'
    'Where would you stay then, when you came home?'
    'Oh, we'd have to keep this place on.'
    'It's all expense.'
    'It will be till we get settled down.'
    'I don't think it's worth it. I don't see any need for it.'
    'I just don't want to go back into engineering round here. I don't think I can face it.'
    'You've made up your mind, haven't you?'
    'No, not yet. I want you to see it my way.'
    'D'you think we could take my mother with us?'
    'What?'This really shakes me. In that case it's out. But definitely. 'I can see that working. You know what happened last time.'
    'But we're more settled now. Aren't we? It wouldn't be the same.'
    'It'd be just the same. You know the only way your mother and I get on is to see each other as little as possible. That way we can be nice and polite.'
    'I don't want to leave her on her own.'
    'She's not an old woman.'
    'But she's not well.'
    'She will be, then she'll be all right.'
    'She might never be well again.'
    'Oh Christ! I'm only trying to do what's best for us. I can't think for everybody.'
    'You've got to consider other people. She is my mother. And I'm all she's got.'
    'And she's capable of looking after herself. You know, I thought we'd finished with all that long since, but here we are - up against it again.'
    'Circumstances alter cases.'
    'They've altered mine all right.'
    'You sound very bitter.'
    'Do I?'
    'Are you?'
    'What about?'
    'You know what about.'
    'I thought we'd put all that behind us.'
    'I have.'
    'You're still thinking about it, though.'
    'I can't help it sometimes. You don't let me.'
    'What have I said-?'
    She stirs beside me. 'You know what I mean.'
    'No, I don't. If you're going to carry on all the time looking for hidden meanings in everything I say or do, we shan't get anywhere.'
    She turns towards me now. 'Do you love me?'
    Ah, dear God, words, words, words. I'm here, aren't I, married to her, living with her?
    'If you weren't unwell I'd show you.'
    'You know that's not the same thing. There was always that.'
    'Yen, but we've been married three years. It can make a difference.'I find her hand and guide it down to me. 'Look what still happens when I get near you.'
    'And what happens when it's over?'
    Oh, but she should know better than to start all this. We got off on the wrong foot and we've never really found the step; but we're here, together, after three years, still making the best of it. And talk like this won't do us any good at all. When all's said and done we're no worse off than thousands of couples who walked down the aisle with the idea that eternal paradise was waiting for them on the other side of the vestry door.
    'Well that's a law of nature, love. You can't blame me for that.'
    'I wish you'd be serious.'
    'I thought we were being too serious.'
    'Do you really and truly want to take this job?'
    'I think it'll be best for us. A change always does us good.'
    'I don't want to be a drag, Vic.'
    'I know.'
    'It's just that...'
    'Look, why not forget it for a couple of days, then let's talk about it again?'
    'What's the town like? Are there some good shops?'
    'Lots of them. And London's only forty minutes away. You could go up there once a week if you wanted to.'
    'I'll bet it costs more to live than it does up here.'
    'Oh, I don't know. I think there's a lot of rubbish talked about that sort of thing. Anyway, I'd be getting more money.'
    'What about houses?'
    'We'd probably be better off in a flat to begin with. You know, till we need more room.'
    'You mean, when we have a family?'
    'Mmm.'
    'Do you feel like trying for another baby now, Vic?'
    'It's up to you, love, really.'
    She moves closer till I can feel her breath on my face. 'I want your baby,'she whispers. 'I want a boy who'll look just like you.'
    'Well, the