sitting on the edge of my bed. Even though my vision was still blurry from sleep, it was hard to miss her bloodshot eyes and the dark circles underneath them. “Mom,” I asked, wanting to reach for her and comfort her. The little girl inside me was terrified to see my mom so obviously upset. “Good morning, sweetheart. I’m sorry if I woke you but I wanted to talk to you before Dad got back home.” Immediately my stomach dropped. “Ashton honey, Grana has passed away.” All other thoughts left my mind. “What?” Mom let out a small sob and reached for one of my hands. Her gentle squeeze didn’t comfort me. Instead it terrified me. It felt real. She was real. Oh, God, no. “Last night Grana went to sleep. When Dad got there this morning to fix her water heater, before he went to the church, he found her in bed. It was a heart attack.” I shook my head, not believing what my mother was saying. I had to still be dreaming. This couldn’t be happening. We had plans, Grana and I. There were so many things we still had to do. “Sweetie, I know you were close to your Grana. This is hard on all of us but I know it’s hardest on you. It’s okay to cry. I’m here and I’ll hold you.” I’d never thought about my Grana dying. She was a fixture in my life. My escape from the world I lived in daily. She understood me in a way my parents never had. Grana never expected me to be perfect like my parents and Sawyer did. Being with her was freeing. It was like, like when I was with Beau. I could be myself and I knew she loved me. An emptiness settled inside me as tears rolled down my face. I still needed her. How could she be gone? I’d just been to see her. She’d just told me how no one could be as perfect with Beau without his shirt on. We’d laughed together. She’d just had a pedicure. How could she be dead? She wasn’t ready to die. Her toes had been hot pink. She was ready for some fun. We had arranged to go to shopping together. “We have plans,” I choked out. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Nothing made sense. My mother’s arms came around me, pulling me into her embrace. All my life I’d found comfort in her arms but now I only felt numb. My Grana wouldn’t be there for my wedding day. We’d never take that cruise together or go scuba diving in the Bahamas. She wouldn’t be there to make sugar cookies for my kids one day. Where would I find an escape from the pressure of my life? How could I live without her? Ashton, Again sorry for the long delays in emails. After a full day of hiking I crash when we get back to the cabin. I’m fighting off exhaustion so I can write you. Today Cade and I took a special trail that my mom and sister didn’t want to try. So Dad stayed with them. It was pretty steep in areas. It was great. The view we finally came to was amazing and Cade got to see his first black bear. I think he took a dozen pictures of it. Hang in there. Your boredom is almost half way over. I’ll be home in twenty days. Love ya, Sawyer Sawyer, hey . . . I didn’t want to tell a computer screen that my Grana had died. I couldn’t tell him about washing the car with Beau and playing pool in a bar. My vision was blurred from crying and talking to a computer was the last thing I wanted to do. I erased my response and grabbed my purse then headed for my car. I could lie to myself and say I didn’t know where I was going, that I just needed to get away and drive. But I knew deep down exactly where I was headed. I parked my Jetta out by Mr. Jackson’s barn. Beau hadn’t been home but his mother had taken one look at my stricken face and told me where I could find him. I heard the tractor before I saw it. My feet started walking toward the sound. I needed someone to help me forget the awful truth. I didn’t need a stupid email telling me about waterfalls and bears. I needed someone here and the first person that came to mind was Beau. He wouldn’t tell me everything