Read Online The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Tristan Taormino
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that can happen is a few giggles. These can be survived.
An important thing to remember when developing training exercises around role playing and fantasy games is to make sure everyone is on the same page. Parent/child role playing is very popular, whether it’s a naughty boy getting spanked over Mommy’s knee or Daddy’s precocious little slut trying to find out what happens when she does this . But if the Daddy in question wants a precious girly partner who will climb on his lap and kiss him shyly and tease him with her white panties, but the little girl in question wants Daddy to sneak into her bedroom at night and hold her down in the dark while saying terrible things—this will not be a good date, let alone an example of good training.
REWARD AND PUNISHMENT
The next step in developing your personal training program is to figure out what to do when your slave 1) does things wrong, and 2) does things right. Both of these are fun and will improve your sex and play and enhance your dominant/ submissive roles.
Your two responses are called punishments and rewards , and yes, I meant it when I said both are fun. If you are not having fun doing something in your relationship, then don’t do it! One thing some people seem not to understand about these ways of enhancing our lives and our partnerships is that they are all optional; none of them should be a burden. And this includes the scary concept of punishment.
Remember, the goal of your training program is to improve your sex life and enhance dominance and submission. Your submissive partner already wants to please you, and already gets pleasure out of doing so, as a volunteer. The ability to punish him for doing something wrong is what shows that you, the top, are the one in authority. It also shows that the top is paying attention , which is perhaps even more important. Everyone likes to be the center of attention—bottoms more than most people, even if they insist otherwise.
Suppose the bottom has been engaged in a strict training program in toe sucking, also known as shrimping . This specific fetishy behavior can be very tricky to master, despite seeming sort of obvious. (Take toe into mouth. Suck. Repeat.) Problems can arise, however, if the toe suckee is also ticklish, or likes specific tonguing behavior, or wants special attention paid to one toe over the others, or wants a massage with the hands at the same time, or, well, anything else. One fine and sexy night, the bottom forgets the vital instruction to cup the top’s heels in both hands while lovingly laving the little piggies. When the top comes out of her postorgasm stupor (if she gets that far without this critical bit of stimulation) she can announce with glee—or dire and stern mien, if that’s her style—that the bottom, having failed to be completely pleasing, is now subject to punishment.
This point in the scene is a good reminder of why partners need to complete their consent and negotiation way ahead of time. But even if the bottom draws the line and says, “Nope, no hitting me or making me stand in the corner. No one puts Baby in the corner,” for whatever good reasons he may have, the top can usually come up with some way to express a negative and dominant reaction to an error or failure that does not bring up bad memories, make the bottom feel dumb or unattractive, or in any other way betray the positive and sexy aspects of their relationship. For some people, it’s as easy as “Do it again, slave!” Or it might require more creativity, such as: “To make amends for your toe sucking catastrophe, you will have to attend the next chick flick/action adventure movie with me and not whisper a single catty thing during the whole show.” Believe me, they’d probably prefer that you spanked them.
If, however, spanking (or other sex and play activity) is on the table, punishment becomes what I call “another excuse to play.” If your relationship is more formal, make the punishments
An important thing to remember when developing training exercises around role playing and fantasy games is to make sure everyone is on the same page. Parent/child role playing is very popular, whether it’s a naughty boy getting spanked over Mommy’s knee or Daddy’s precocious little slut trying to find out what happens when she does this . But if the Daddy in question wants a precious girly partner who will climb on his lap and kiss him shyly and tease him with her white panties, but the little girl in question wants Daddy to sneak into her bedroom at night and hold her down in the dark while saying terrible things—this will not be a good date, let alone an example of good training.
REWARD AND PUNISHMENT
The next step in developing your personal training program is to figure out what to do when your slave 1) does things wrong, and 2) does things right. Both of these are fun and will improve your sex and play and enhance your dominant/ submissive roles.
Your two responses are called punishments and rewards , and yes, I meant it when I said both are fun. If you are not having fun doing something in your relationship, then don’t do it! One thing some people seem not to understand about these ways of enhancing our lives and our partnerships is that they are all optional; none of them should be a burden. And this includes the scary concept of punishment.
Remember, the goal of your training program is to improve your sex life and enhance dominance and submission. Your submissive partner already wants to please you, and already gets pleasure out of doing so, as a volunteer. The ability to punish him for doing something wrong is what shows that you, the top, are the one in authority. It also shows that the top is paying attention , which is perhaps even more important. Everyone likes to be the center of attention—bottoms more than most people, even if they insist otherwise.
Suppose the bottom has been engaged in a strict training program in toe sucking, also known as shrimping . This specific fetishy behavior can be very tricky to master, despite seeming sort of obvious. (Take toe into mouth. Suck. Repeat.) Problems can arise, however, if the toe suckee is also ticklish, or likes specific tonguing behavior, or wants special attention paid to one toe over the others, or wants a massage with the hands at the same time, or, well, anything else. One fine and sexy night, the bottom forgets the vital instruction to cup the top’s heels in both hands while lovingly laving the little piggies. When the top comes out of her postorgasm stupor (if she gets that far without this critical bit of stimulation) she can announce with glee—or dire and stern mien, if that’s her style—that the bottom, having failed to be completely pleasing, is now subject to punishment.
This point in the scene is a good reminder of why partners need to complete their consent and negotiation way ahead of time. But even if the bottom draws the line and says, “Nope, no hitting me or making me stand in the corner. No one puts Baby in the corner,” for whatever good reasons he may have, the top can usually come up with some way to express a negative and dominant reaction to an error or failure that does not bring up bad memories, make the bottom feel dumb or unattractive, or in any other way betray the positive and sexy aspects of their relationship. For some people, it’s as easy as “Do it again, slave!” Or it might require more creativity, such as: “To make amends for your toe sucking catastrophe, you will have to attend the next chick flick/action adventure movie with me and not whisper a single catty thing during the whole show.” Believe me, they’d probably prefer that you spanked them.
If, however, spanking (or other sex and play activity) is on the table, punishment becomes what I call “another excuse to play.” If your relationship is more formal, make the punishments
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