Read Online The Truce by Mario Benedetti - Free Book Online Page B

task.
    In reality, there were always bribes, job arrangements via influence peddling as well as too much bureaucracy. So, what’s worse, then? After much brain-racking, I arrived at the belief that what is worse is the resignation. The rebels have become semi-rebels, and the semi-rebels have become resigned. I think that in this luminous Montevideo, the two categories which have progressed the most in recent times are the homosexuals and the resigned. ‘Nothing can be done,’ people say. Before, someone would only offer a bribe if they wanted to obtain something illicit. That’s one thing, but now someone who wants to obtain something that’s not illegal also offers a bribe. And this means total disorder.
    But resignation isn’t the complete picture. In the beginning it was resignation, then the abandonment of scruples; much later, that of joint participation. It was a man who had formerly resigned who delivered the famous phrase: ‘If the ones upstairs can do it, so can I.’ Naturally, this man has an excuse for his dishonesty: it’s the only way the others won’t take advantage of him. He says he was forced to play the game, because otherwise his money was worth less and less and there were more and more honest avenues being blocked off to him. He still maintains a vindictive, latent hatred towards those pioneers who forced him to follow that path. Perhaps he is, when all is said and done, the most hypocritical, because he doesn’t do anything to get out of his situation. Perhaps he’s also the biggest thief, because he knows perfectly well that no one dies of honesty.
    What it is like to be unaccustomed to thinking about all of
this! Aníbal left at dawn and I felt so restless I didn’t want to think about Avellaneda.
Tuesday 7 May
    There are two ways I can approach Avellaneda: a) candidly, essentially telling her: ‘I like you, let’s see what happens’; or b) dishonestly, essentially telling her: ‘Look here, girl, I’m experienced, I could be your father, take my advice.’ Although it seems incredible, perhaps the second option would be the best choice for me. With the first option I risk quite a bit, and besides, everything is still very new. I think that up to now she has seen me as a boss who is generally kind and nothing else. Nevertheless, she’s not a child. She’s twenty-four, not fourteen. She’s the kind middle-aged men prefer. But her boyfriend was a teenager, nevertheless. Well, look at what that got her. Perhaps now, in response, she’ll go to the other extreme. And I could be that other extreme; a middle-aged gentleman, experienced, grey-haired, relaxed, forty-nine years old, without any major ailments, and earning a good salary. I don’t include my three children in my dossier; they don’t help. Anyway, she knows about them.
    However (and in the words of the local gossip), what are my intentions? The truth is I’m not thinking about anything permanent, like ‘until death do us part’ (I wrote ‘death’ and Isabel quickly appeared, but Isabel was something else; in regards to Avellaneda, I think the sexual aspect is less important to me, or that is to say, that perhaps sex is less important at forty-nine than it is at twenty-eight), but I haven’t decided to be without Avellaneda either. I already know that the ideal situation would be to have Avellaneda without any obligation to permanency. But that would be too much to ask. Nevertheless, one could try.
    I can’t know anything until I talk to her. They’re all stories I
tell myself. It’s true that, at this late stage, I’m a little bored with rendezvous in the dark and hotel encounters. There’s always a tense atmosphere and a sense of immediacy, of something urgent which distorts any kind of dialogue I could have with any type of woman. Up until the moment I go to bed with her, regardless of who she is, the