Read Online The Toyminator by Robert Rankin - Free Book Online Page B

see justice done. I really will.”
    “You tell him, Jack,” said Eddie.
    “You’ll tell me nothing,” said Chief Inspector Bellis, “because I am dropping all the charges.”
    “You are?” said Eddie.
    “I am,” said Bellis, “because I
know
you are innocent.”
    “You
do
?” said Eddie.
    “I
do
,” said Bellis. “And upon this occasion I am prepared to let the fact that you
are
innocent stand in the way of letting justice be done.”
    “You
are
?” said Eddie. “Why?” said Eddie.
    “Because in return for this,
you
are going to do something for me. Something that I surmise you are already doing and something I wish you to continue doing.”
    “I am now
very
confused,” said Eddie.
    “I believe I am correct in assuming that you have returned to your old profession,” said Bellis, “that of detective.”
    Eddie nodded.
    “You see, I
know
that it was not you who purchased those cigars with the mysterious combustible currency.”
    “You do?” said Eddie once more.
    “I do,” said Bellis once more. “You see, I have these.” And he drew from his desk a number of plasticised packets and flung them onto his desk.
    Eddie took one up between his paws and examined it. “Cigar butt,” he said.
    “Eleven cigar butts,” said Bellis, “one found at each of the cymbal-playing monkeys’ resting places. All over the city. Eleven cigar butts. The twelfth you showed to Smokey Joe. You went there to enquire whether he recalled who he sold it to, didn’t you?”
    “I did,” said Eddie.
    “And the twelfth monkey?”
    “Dead in Bill’s office,” said Eddie.
    “Intriguing, isn’t it?” said Bellis. “And they all died within minutes of each other. And I do not believe that you ran all over the city on your stumpy little legs wiping each and every one of them out – did you?”
    Eddie shook his head.
    “And now you are investigating these crimes?”
    “Yes,” said Eddie. “I am.
We
are.”
    “And I would like you to continue doing so.”
    “Really?” said Eddie. “You would?”
    “Twelve monkeys,” said Bellis. “
All
the cymbal-playing monkeys. Annoying blighters they were, I agree, but they were our kind. They were toys. The murderer must be brought to justice.”
    “I don’t understand,” said Eddie.
    “About justice?”
    “Well, I understand about that. Or at least your concept of it. Which is as just as.”
    “Did you read the paper?” asked Bellis. “The crimes made page thirteen. I requested of my ‘superior’ that I be allowed to put a special task force on the monkeys’ case. The memo I received in reply stated that it was a low priority.”
    “Typical,” said Eddie. “Disgusting, in fact.”
    “I do so agree,” said Bellis. “I blame it on that mad mayor we had.”
    “Now just hold on,” said Eddie.
    “Yes?” said Bellis.
    “Nothing,” said Eddie. “Go on, please.”
    “You,” said Bellis, “you and Mr Jack here are going to act on my behalf. You are going to be my special task force. You will report directly to me on whatever progress you are making. Do you understand me?”
    Jack nodded. “Up to a point,” said he. “So we will report directly to you to receive our wages, will we?”
    Chief Inspector Bellis made a certain face towards Jack. One that Jack did not wish to be repeated.
    “Would there be any chance of a reward, then,” Jack asked, “if we could present you with a suitable culprit?”
    Eddie now gave Jack a certain look.
    “Sorry,” said Jack. “The
real
culprit, then? The
real
murderer?”
    “Exactly,” said Bellis. “And in return for this public-spirited action I will forget about all the trumped-up charges that we have piled up against the bear.”
    “But I’m innocent,” said Eddie.
    “I think we’ve been through that,” said Bellis. “you and Jack will be my secret task force. You
will
find the murderer.”
    “We’ll certainly
try
,” said Eddie.
    “Oh, you’ll do more than that. You will