panic—the mirror and the scale.
Panic Trigger #1: The Mirror
Cindy walked into her closet with little time to spare before party guests would begin arriving. The Fourth of July party she and her husband hosted each year was about to begin, and she only had a few minutes to change. As she looked in her closet, she reminded herself that her husband’s entire family would once again be coming. They’d seen her gain and lose weight several times during their ten-year marriage, and each year she felt ashamed that they had witnessed the outward results of this very private struggle.
You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
— LOUISE L. HAY
Before last year’s party, in fact, she had locked herself in her room, showered, and tried on dozens of outfits, only to end up sobbing on the floor of her closet. All she could think of was that people would look at her and think she was fat. She felt panicked and depressed, unsure whether she could face her own family and friends.
This year, however, Cindy had come prepared. She had bought a beautiful new dress just for the occasion. She quickly put it on and turned toward the mirror. She immediately began inspecting every angle of her reflection, telling herself once again that she looked fat and that everyone would notice and talk about how fat she was.
Because Cindy had just begun my class, things were different this year. She paused long enough to notice her critical thoughts about herself. With only a few minutes to spare, she did some tapping. While looking at herself in the mirror and tapping, she then did something she rarely does. She looked at herself and said out loud, “You look beautiful.”
Smiling and feeling relaxed, she opened the door to her room and went to join the party. Throughout the day, and for the first time ever, Cindy didn’t think about whether she looked fat. She didn’t obsess about food. Instead she enjoyed feeling peaceful and calm. Throughout the day, people showered her with compliments, telling her how pretty she looked. What surprised her more was how pretty she felt.
What’s so inspiring to me about Cindy’s story is that she was able to change her entire day just by noticing her negative thoughts and self-talk. She could then tap and accept a positive belief instead—that she looked beautiful. Rather than spending the entire party thinking about her looks, she radiated beauty, and of course, everyone noticed! She also shared that she was surprised to find she was feeling so good and having so much fun that she didn’t feel her usual stress around food at parties. The panic of “should I or shouldn’t I eat this” disappeared, and she found herself enjoying healthier options.
So many of my clients have experienced powerful shifts in their emotional state and self-perception while tapping in front of the mirror. Often at first, it’s scary facing your reflection while tapping. The mirror has become your nemesis, the enemy that exposes your most humiliating flaws. Faced with your own reflection, you examine your every inch, top to bottom, front to back, side to side. Frantically but methodically, you point out every last lump and bump. You give yourself no mercy and think and say things you would never say to those you love.
I have worked with women who wake up, run to the mirror, and begin measuring themselves up and down to decide whether they’ll have a good day. I’ve also worked with women who shower in the dark to avoid the mirror, knowing it will instantaneously dampen their mood. We give the mirror, a piece of glass, the power to dictate our happiness, not because we’re vain but because we haven’t invested in our relationship with ourselves or the body we currently have. What we see in the mirror is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves, and all too often that relationship is suffering from years of neglect.
Let’s take a closer
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