Read Online The Summer of Dead Toys by Antonio Hill - Free Book Online

details would also be in the files. The feeling that his whole life, at least the most recent facts, could be in a dossier within reach of anyone who had the authority to examine it bothered him. “Sorry.” He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. “I don’t want to be rude, but can you tell me where this is going? Look, I’m perfectly aware that I made a mistake and that it could—can—cost me my job. If it means anything, I don’t think I did a good thing, and I’m not proud of it, but . . . But I’m not going to discuss all the details of my private life, nor do I believe you have a right to meddle in it.”
The other man listened to his speech without turning a hair and took his time before adding anything. When he did, there wasn’t the least condescension in his tone: he spoke with composure and without the slightest hesitation.
“I think I should make some things clear. Perhaps I should have done so at the beginning. Look, Inspector, I’m not here to judge you for what you did, or to decide whether or not you should continue working. That’s a matter for your superiors. My interest lies solely in you finding out what it was that provoked this loss of control, learning to recognize it and react in time in another similar situation. And for that I need your cooperation, or the task will be impossible. Do you understand?”
Of course he understood. Liking it was another matter altogether. But he had no option but to agree.
“If you say so.” He leaned back and stretched his legs out a little. “In answer to your previous question, I will say yes. We separated less than a year ago. And before you continue, no, I don’t feel an uncontrollable hatred or wild anger toward my wife,” he added.
The psychologist allowed himself a smile.
“Your ex-wife.”
“Pardon. It was subconscious . . . you know . . .”
“Then I take it that it was a mutual separation.”
It was Héctor who laughed this time.
“With respect, what you just described is practically nonexistent. There’s always someone who leaves someone. The mutual aspect consists of the other person accepting it and shutting up.”
“And in your case?”
“In my case, it was Ruth who left me. Don’t you have that information in your papers?”
“No.” He looked at the clock. “We have very little time left, Inspector. But for the next session, I’d like you to do something.”
“Are you giving me homework?”
“Something like that. I want you to think about the rage you felt the day of the assault, and try to remember other times you experienced a similar emotion. As a child, as an adolescent, as an adult.”
“Fine. Can I go now?”
“We have a few minutes. Is there anything you want to ask me? Any query?”
“Yes.” He looked him directly in the eyes. “Do you not think there are occasions when rage is the appropriate reaction? That feeling something else would be unnatural when facing a . . . demon?” Even he was surprised by the word and his questioner seemed interested in it.
“I’ll answer you in a moment, but let me ask you something first. Do you believe in God?”
“The truth is, no. But I do believe in evil. I’ve seen a lot of bad people. Like all police officers, I suppose. Would you mind answering my question?”
The “kid” thought for a few moments.
“That would lead us to a lengthy debate. But in short, yes, there are times when the natural response to a stimulus is rage. Equally fear. Or aversion. It’s about managing that emotion, containing it so as not to provoke a greater evil. Fury can be acceptable in this society; to act motivated by it is more arguable. We’d end up justifying anything, don’t you think?”
There was no way of rebutting that argument, so Héctor got up, said good-bye and left. While he was going down in the lift, cigarette packet in hand, he told himself that the shrink might be young and read comics, but he wasn’t a complete fool. Which, truly, at that moment seemed to him more