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Authors: Sonya Loveday
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trying to show each other up. That didn’t mean anything though, right? They were boys. Didn’t boys always feel the need to one-up each other like some kind of male dominance thing?
Ace took my silence in stride, giving me a few minutes to process what he’d said. “Then Jared figured out what the deal was when he made a comment about how much you’d grown up that summer, and Mark just about broke his nose.”
A flash of Jared popped into my thoughts. He’d said they’d been wrestling before I’d got out to the cabin. Looking back on the memory, I thought about how everyone had acted that day. They’d been broody and snarled a lot at each other. Again, I’d just passed it off.
“And then right before we started school, you and I were out helping Old Man Willis, and there was something about you. I don’t know if it was your laugh or the fact that you’d just witnessed a colt being born for the first time, but you turned to me, and the sunlight hit the side of your face, and I swear it was like… You smiled at me. That was all it took. You had me from that damn moment on. None of us have been the same. I knew right then and there that you’d be our undoing if we didn’t do something about it. You meant too much to all of us to let our feelings get in the way of the friendship we have with you. You were too important to us. It was my idea and my fault that you’re so upset, Riley. Be mad at me, but please, don’t turn your back on them.”
I gripped the door handle tight and fought to control my voice. “Ace, please tell me that they’ve gotten over me. Please tell me that I’m not going to have to walk away from them, because I can’t hurt them. It would kill me if I hurt them.”
“Riley, all of that…” he said, jerking his thumb towards the back window of my truck. “All of it was years ago. They’ve all come to terms with how they feel. Most of them were over it within the first week of high school. We shoulda never done that… opened that stupid box with you there. It would have saved all of this from coming out. It would have been buried in the past where most of it remains.”
“What do you mean by most of it?” I wanted to recall my question back after I asked it. It was like I just wanted to see how far I could dig myself and the situation into the ground. They were all going their separate ways—we were all supposed to be going our separate ways after graduation. How had things got so turned upside down and sideways? How did I allow myself to fall so deep into the feelings I had for Ace? He was supposed to be the one who’d be around the most. He was going to be just up the road, like always, when I came back on college breaks. What the hell was wrong with that? Nothing and everything now.
“…Riley.”
I only caught my name. Ace had said something, and I missed it because I was too busy mentally kicking my own ass. Beating myself up on everything that I’d thought was a truth, but ended up being a lie. The last four years had been an illusion.
Ace’s hand slid along my jaw, and he stood in front of me. When had he stopped the truck and how did I get out?
“Riley, please baby, you have to breathe.” He forced my eyes to meet his, as he cupped my face and looked down at me. My chest tightened and ached, as I heaved to collect a breath that wasn’t making it down into my lungs.
“Riley, focus on me, look at me… I’m right here with you. You have to calm down.” His face wavered in front of me, and I caught a glimpse of true fear. I blinked once, twice, and static filled the inside of my head—like an antenna TV with its volume turned up as far as it would go.
“RILEY!” I HEARD PAIGE SHOUT as the front door slammed shut. Her footsteps raced up the stairs to my room, and my door flew open. I blinked at the fuzziness that clung to my dreams. I hurt from head to toe and winced as I tried to sit up. A groan escaped from under the covers next to me.
“Go
Ace took my silence in stride, giving me a few minutes to process what he’d said. “Then Jared figured out what the deal was when he made a comment about how much you’d grown up that summer, and Mark just about broke his nose.”
A flash of Jared popped into my thoughts. He’d said they’d been wrestling before I’d got out to the cabin. Looking back on the memory, I thought about how everyone had acted that day. They’d been broody and snarled a lot at each other. Again, I’d just passed it off.
“And then right before we started school, you and I were out helping Old Man Willis, and there was something about you. I don’t know if it was your laugh or the fact that you’d just witnessed a colt being born for the first time, but you turned to me, and the sunlight hit the side of your face, and I swear it was like… You smiled at me. That was all it took. You had me from that damn moment on. None of us have been the same. I knew right then and there that you’d be our undoing if we didn’t do something about it. You meant too much to all of us to let our feelings get in the way of the friendship we have with you. You were too important to us. It was my idea and my fault that you’re so upset, Riley. Be mad at me, but please, don’t turn your back on them.”
I gripped the door handle tight and fought to control my voice. “Ace, please tell me that they’ve gotten over me. Please tell me that I’m not going to have to walk away from them, because I can’t hurt them. It would kill me if I hurt them.”
“Riley, all of that…” he said, jerking his thumb towards the back window of my truck. “All of it was years ago. They’ve all come to terms with how they feel. Most of them were over it within the first week of high school. We shoulda never done that… opened that stupid box with you there. It would have saved all of this from coming out. It would have been buried in the past where most of it remains.”
“What do you mean by most of it?” I wanted to recall my question back after I asked it. It was like I just wanted to see how far I could dig myself and the situation into the ground. They were all going their separate ways—we were all supposed to be going our separate ways after graduation. How had things got so turned upside down and sideways? How did I allow myself to fall so deep into the feelings I had for Ace? He was supposed to be the one who’d be around the most. He was going to be just up the road, like always, when I came back on college breaks. What the hell was wrong with that? Nothing and everything now.
“…Riley.”
I only caught my name. Ace had said something, and I missed it because I was too busy mentally kicking my own ass. Beating myself up on everything that I’d thought was a truth, but ended up being a lie. The last four years had been an illusion.
Ace’s hand slid along my jaw, and he stood in front of me. When had he stopped the truck and how did I get out?
“Riley, please baby, you have to breathe.” He forced my eyes to meet his, as he cupped my face and looked down at me. My chest tightened and ached, as I heaved to collect a breath that wasn’t making it down into my lungs.
“Riley, focus on me, look at me… I’m right here with you. You have to calm down.” His face wavered in front of me, and I caught a glimpse of true fear. I blinked once, twice, and static filled the inside of my head—like an antenna TV with its volume turned up as far as it would go.
“RILEY!” I HEARD PAIGE SHOUT as the front door slammed shut. Her footsteps raced up the stairs to my room, and my door flew open. I blinked at the fuzziness that clung to my dreams. I hurt from head to toe and winced as I tried to sit up. A groan escaped from under the covers next to me.
“Go
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