fuzzy future plans at bestâsomething about working with the underserved and downtroddenâbut he had no specifics about where he wanted to live or what kind of life he wanted to lead or how to form that life or that nuclear family. It was all vast and vague to himâand here, in stark contrast, was this spectacular, beautiful, intelligent woman who knew exactly what they both should do.
There was a freedom in that surrender.
It was then, thinking about the decisions (or lack thereof) he had made to get him to this point in life, when Thomas got the ball behind the goal, faked a pass down the middle, drove to the right, cranked back his stick, and shot a beauty low and in the corner.
Goal.
The fathers and mothers cheered. Thomasâs teammates came over and congratulated him, slapping him good-naturedly on the helmet. His son stayed calm, following that old adage âAct like youâve been there.â But even at this distance, even through his sonâs face mask, even behind the mouth guard, Adam knew that Thomas, his oldest child, was smiling, that he was happy, that it was Adamâs job as a father, first and foremost, to keep that boy and his brother smiling and happy and safe.
What would he do to keep his boys happy and safe?
Anything.
But it wasnât all about what youâd do or sacrifice, was it? Life was also about luck, about randomness, about chaos. So he could and would do whatever was possible to protect his children. But he somehow knewâknew with absolute certaintyâthat it wouldnât be enough, that luck, randomness, and chaos had other plans, that the happiness and safety were going to dissolve in the still springtime air.
Chapter 7
T homas ended up scoring his second goalâthe game winner!âwith fewer than twenty seconds on the clock.
This was the hypocrisy in Adamâs cynicism about the overly intense sports world: Despite everything, when Thomas scored that final goal, Adam leapt in the air, pumped his fist, and shouted, âYes!â Like it or not, he felt a rush of pure, undiluted joy. His better angels would say that it had nothing to do with Adam himself, that the joy emanated from the knowledge that his son was feeling even greater joy, and that it was natural and healthy for a parent to feel that way for his own child. Adam reminded himself that he was not one of those parents who lived through his kids or looked at lacrosse as a ticket to a better college. He enjoyed the sport for one simple reason: His sons loved playing.
But parents all tell themselves a lot of things. The Croatian hunchback, right?
When the game ended, Corinne took Ryan home in her car. She was going to get dinner ready. Adam waited for Thomas in the Cedarfield High School parking lot. It would, of course, have been much easier to simply take him home right after the game, but there were rules about the kids taking the team bus for insurance purposes. So Adam, along with a bunch of other parents, followed the bus back to Cedarfield and waited for their sons to disembark. He got out of his car and made his way toward the schoolâs back entrance.
âHey, Adam.â
Cal Gottesman walked toward him. Adam said hey back. The two fathers shook hands.
âGreat win,â Cal said.
âYes indeed.â
âThomas played a hell of a game.â
âSo did Eric.â
Calâs glasses never seemed to fit right. They kept slipping down his nose, forcing him to push them back up with his index finger, only to have them immediately start their nasal descent again. âYou, uh, you seemed distracted.â
âPardon?â
âAt the game,â Cal said. He had one of those voices where everything sounded like a whine. âYou seemed, I donât know, bothered.â
âDid I?â
âYes.â He pushed the glasses up his nose. âI also couldnât help but notice your look of, shall we say, disgust.â
âIâm
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