Read Online The Sound and the Furry by Spencer Quinn - Free Book Online Page B

her.”
    Bernie gave him a look.
    “Uh, only in my prayers, kind of,” Lord said. And then he started in on the story
     of the monitor, all about some crime he wouldn’t have even dreamed of committing,
     no matter what his disloyal brother thought, a crime maybe involving stolen shrimp
     and a grandmother with a sawed-off shotgun, but I missed most of it because of how
     closely I was watching Bernie’s shirt, the one with the martini glasses and cigars
     pattern. Was he going to take it off? That wouldn’t be like him in an interview situation,
     which I was pretty sure this was.
    “. . . your alibi?” Bernie was saying.
    “Alibi?” said Lord.
    Bernie rubbed his eyes, maybe a bit tired all of a sudden. “You must know the meaning
     of alibi ,” he said.
    “Sure he do,” said Duke. “We all of us learned it at Mami’s knee.”
    Then everyone was laughing and Bernie didn’t look so tired. “Let’s have it,” he said.
    “Have what?” said Lord.
    “Your alibi. If you didn’t steal the shrimp, you were elsewhere at the time, and as
     soon as we verify that fact, you’re off the tether.”
    “Elsewhere?” Lord said.
    “Right. Where were you late on the Saturday night and early Sunday morning?”
    “That’s a tough one,” Lord said.
    Bernie sat down.
    “See,” said Lord, “I might have had a drink or two.”
    “You’re having a drink or two right now,” Bernie said.
    “What’s that got to do with anything?”
    “And where are you?”
    “Sitting in my own goddamn kitchen. What’s your point?”
    “Similarly,” Bernie said, “you were having a drink on the night in question. So where
     was that?”
    Lord gave Bernie a long look. “ ‘Night in question,’ ” he said. “You sound like a
     cop.”
    “But not the ‘similarly’ part,” Duke said.
    “Huh?” said Lord.
    “That sounded more like an educated guy to me,” Duke said.
    Bernie raised his hand in the stop sign, also raised his voice just a little, and
     leaned closer to Lord, actually getting his face right in Lord’s. “Where were you
     when the shrimp were stolen?”
    “Easy, man,” said Lord, leaning way back. “Think I haven’t racked my whatchamacallit
     over this? The doc says I’m subject to blackouts. Happy now?”
    “Only when you been drinking like a fish, fair to point that out,” Duke added.
    Bernie nodded like things were now making sense. “Where did you wake up the next morning?”
    “I didn’t,” Lord said. “I woke up the next night.”
    “Where?”
    “In the Robideaus’s goddamn police station. Second cell on the left.”
    “How did you get there?”
    “Bastards busted me, of course. Whaddya think?”
    “Where?”
    “Where what?”
    “Where did the bust go down?”
    “Who gives a shit?”
    “I’m sorry?” Bernie said.
    “Lord means the Robideaus coulda said it went down wherever they want,” Duke said.
     “Lord being blacked out, and all.”
    “You’re saying they framed you?” Bernie said.
    “Square one, for Chrissake,” said Lord. “Wet behind the ears? What’s with Baron, thinkin’
     we could use someone like you to—”
    “Lord?” said Duke.
    Lord went silent, although I can’t be sure about that because all I wanted to do was
     give the backs of Bernie’s ears a quick lick or two, check out this supposed wetness.
     He hadn’t just stepped out of the shower, but we had been out in the rain. Still,
     I myself was completely dry. I shifted closer to Bernie, waiting for the right moment.
    “Someone like me to do what?” Bernie said.
    “Um,” Lord said.
    “Nothin’,” said Duke. “Lord was just runnin’ his mouth. Tell ’im.”
    “I was just runnin’ my mouth,” Lord said.
    Bernie drained his glass, glanced at me in a strange sort of way, almost like . . .
     like he wanted to see something real. What a thought! I couldn’t understand it at
     all.
    “Let’s move on to this grandmother of theirs,” Bernie said. “Alleged victim of the