face my fears and head back to L.A. in a few days. My music dreams are still alive and well. I can’t give up before I even try. Dalton assured me he still wants to do this band thing with me no matter what, so that’s what I’m going to pour myself into in the weeks before school starts. These two and a half weeks without my guitar have been pure torture. I can’t wait to lose myself in music again.
Sleeping in my old bed has reminded me just how spoiled I am now. This twin mattress feels tiny, rigid, and lumpy compared to my king-sized memory foam mattress at home in L.A. I need to be reminded often how lucky I am. When the media makes me feel like running back here, all I need to do is remember this feeling and maybe I’ll think twice. I’m so glad I only have to spend one more night here.
Yesterday, Dad explained something to me when I asked why he needed money so badly Cass suggested selling things from the mansion. Seventeen years of taking just enough money from his accounts to run a farm drained his finances some, but really it’s because he gave so much away to charity. I had no idea there’s a building named after him in New York. He didn’t even take me to see it. The money we’re using now is actually Cass’s money. She chose to invest hers and is now a billionaire. She gave Dad way more than he asked for as soon as we got to L.A. We’ll never need to make money again, although I plan to give some back to Dad when I start my own career.
I’m torn between wanting to be like Dad and wanting to be like Cass. Dad was generous with his money, but Cass was effin’ smart. Maybe I could do both—give some to charity and keep some for myself to invest. I dunno. It’s something to think abo u t.
***
Before I can finish my post, a sharp knock comes at my door. I rub my eyes and press the home button on my iPhone to check the time. It’s two in the morning already. I can’t imagine who would be bothering me at this hour.
“Come in?”
Much to my surprise, Raven peeks her head around the door. “Hey, can I join you in here? I noticed a light on under your door.”
I chuckle. “The Redinger insomnia strikes again, eh?”
Raven responds with a dramatic eye roll as she sinks down on the side of my bed. “More like impossible sleeping arrangements. I’m really missing the gigantic beds at Grandmum’s right now.”
“Tell me about it.”
She pokes her head around the side of my screen and I promptly slam the laptop shut. “I didn’t know you had a blog.”
Nosey. Snooping on my laptop screen…I guess I’m not allowed to keep anything a secret anymore.
“Uh…it’s private. I don’t share it.”
“What do you write in it?” Raven presses.
“Just stuff…life…experiences…”
“So it’s a diary?”
Fuck. She guessed it. Now Raven knows about my diary. I see many, many ways this could come back to bite me in the future. Now that she’s seen it, I can’t exactly lie.
“Yeah, it’s a diary.”
She chuckles condescendingly. “How adorable. I suppose that’s a slight step up from the diaries you lock with a key.”
I set the laptop to the side and sigh. “Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about?”
Raven twists her hands in her lap. “Actually, I did want to ask you something. I overheard you talking to Mike about your music dreams.” She glances up at me with a questioning gaze. “You can actually sing?”
My arrogant half-grin creeps onto my face. “That’s not the half of it. I play guitar too.”
Her eyes widen. “What happened in London, then?”
“I got drunk. Dad sings badly when drunk, and apparently I do too.”
“Wow…so you’re just like him, then.”
“Well, sort of.” I cross my legs and lean forward, finally enjoying a conversation with Raven for once. “I want to be a lead guitarist instead of a lead singer. I can sing, but I consider myself more of backup vocals.”
She studies me intently. “Why haven’t you fixed
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