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Authors: Phil Kurthausen
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violence?’
Erasmus considered this for a second.
‘I suppose I could take him to a spa for a treatment, but as none are on the doorstep, violence works, yes.’
‘Your friend is more sensible than you, eh? Come. Let us put this misunderstanding behind us. Ask me your questions,’ said Ahmed.
Erasmus kept the gun pointed at Ahmed. He was breathing heavily and looked pale but his eyes sparked with anger.
‘Well, OK. Now, we are getting somewhere. Did Stephen Francis owe you money?’
‘Stephen. Yes, I remember him. He was a bad one that Stephen. I liked him but he was a chaser and he thought he could catch his losses. Alas, people very rarely do.’
‘How much was he into you for?’
‘This is purely a private matter, yes? If you are recording this conversation then I wish to make it clear that I have a gun pointed at me and I have no involvement with illegal moneylending in any capacity.’
‘I'm not with the police,’ said Erasmus.
‘I'm sure you're not, you have the smell of chaos about you.’
‘Spare me the philosophy. How much did he owe you?’
‘Stephen owed me £50,000.’
‘Are you a Muslim, Ahmed?’ asked Erasmus.
‘Of course,’ said Ahmed.
‘Forgive my ignorance but isn't usury frowned upon?’
‘You are right, Mr Jones, and I would never,
in sha’ Allah
, be involved in such disgusting practices. I abide by Sharia law even when dealing with the
kafirs
. I lent your friend Mr Francis £50,000 and charged him an administration charge of £15,000. All very correct, and Sharia compliant, you understand.’
‘Sophistry. Did you kill him because he couldn't pay up?’
Ahmed started laughing, a deep rolling laugh.
‘Did you only mean to warn him? Did Mohammed hit in him one too many times?’ continued Erasmus.
The laughing stopped.
‘I didn't kill him, Mr Jones. If people fail to honour their commitments things can occasionally happen, but Stephen, well he always honoured his debts. I know it was a great relief to him. If he is dead I can assure you it was not my doing’
‘He's gone missing. You say he paid his debt but Stephen works for the council. Where did he get £50,000?’
‘I assure you that I am not. As for the source of his funds, well, that's no secret. His friends were very generous.’
‘What friends?’
‘Two men. They didn't give me their names just cash.’
‘No names? They just paid you cash and you didn't ask any questions? What did they look like?’
Ahmed raised his hands.
‘Cash is my preferred payment method. I can tell you they both wore red T-shirts. Mohammed thought they must be Liverpool fans.’
Erasmus looked down at Mohammed who was still laying on the ground holding his nether regions. He was nodding.
‘If something has happened to Stephen I can assure you I had nothing to do with it,’ said Ahmed, holding out his hands palm upwards.
‘I don't believe you,’ said Erasmus.
‘I do,’ said the girl.
‘What?’
‘It's true. He had nothing to do with it.’
Erasmus grabbed the girl's elbow and began to frogmarch her away from Ahmed.
‘You're coming with me,’ said Erasmus.
‘Let go of my arm and I'll consider it.’
Erasmus started to drag her forward and then thought better of it. ‘Do you promise not to run off?’
The girl raised her right hand and crossed her index and middle fingers. ‘Guides’ honour,’ she said.
‘Come on then, let's get out of here before these two units come to their senses.’
‘You are not a religious man, are you, Mr Jones?’ shouted Ahmed from behind him,
Erasmus shook his head. ‘I've never quite seen the upside.’
‘Then I will pray that religion finds you before it is too late. And, Mr Jones, I look forward to our next meeting. Perhaps things will be a little different when I don't have a gun pointed at my head?’
Mohammed was now in the recovery position, his breathing more regular.
‘Don't count on it,’ said Erasmus.
He gave Mohammed a kick to his side for good
Erasmus considered this for a second.
‘I suppose I could take him to a spa for a treatment, but as none are on the doorstep, violence works, yes.’
‘Your friend is more sensible than you, eh? Come. Let us put this misunderstanding behind us. Ask me your questions,’ said Ahmed.
Erasmus kept the gun pointed at Ahmed. He was breathing heavily and looked pale but his eyes sparked with anger.
‘Well, OK. Now, we are getting somewhere. Did Stephen Francis owe you money?’
‘Stephen. Yes, I remember him. He was a bad one that Stephen. I liked him but he was a chaser and he thought he could catch his losses. Alas, people very rarely do.’
‘How much was he into you for?’
‘This is purely a private matter, yes? If you are recording this conversation then I wish to make it clear that I have a gun pointed at me and I have no involvement with illegal moneylending in any capacity.’
‘I'm not with the police,’ said Erasmus.
‘I'm sure you're not, you have the smell of chaos about you.’
‘Spare me the philosophy. How much did he owe you?’
‘Stephen owed me £50,000.’
‘Are you a Muslim, Ahmed?’ asked Erasmus.
‘Of course,’ said Ahmed.
‘Forgive my ignorance but isn't usury frowned upon?’
‘You are right, Mr Jones, and I would never,
in sha’ Allah
, be involved in such disgusting practices. I abide by Sharia law even when dealing with the
kafirs
. I lent your friend Mr Francis £50,000 and charged him an administration charge of £15,000. All very correct, and Sharia compliant, you understand.’
‘Sophistry. Did you kill him because he couldn't pay up?’
Ahmed started laughing, a deep rolling laugh.
‘Did you only mean to warn him? Did Mohammed hit in him one too many times?’ continued Erasmus.
The laughing stopped.
‘I didn't kill him, Mr Jones. If people fail to honour their commitments things can occasionally happen, but Stephen, well he always honoured his debts. I know it was a great relief to him. If he is dead I can assure you it was not my doing’
‘He's gone missing. You say he paid his debt but Stephen works for the council. Where did he get £50,000?’
‘I assure you that I am not. As for the source of his funds, well, that's no secret. His friends were very generous.’
‘What friends?’
‘Two men. They didn't give me their names just cash.’
‘No names? They just paid you cash and you didn't ask any questions? What did they look like?’
Ahmed raised his hands.
‘Cash is my preferred payment method. I can tell you they both wore red T-shirts. Mohammed thought they must be Liverpool fans.’
Erasmus looked down at Mohammed who was still laying on the ground holding his nether regions. He was nodding.
‘If something has happened to Stephen I can assure you I had nothing to do with it,’ said Ahmed, holding out his hands palm upwards.
‘I don't believe you,’ said Erasmus.
‘I do,’ said the girl.
‘What?’
‘It's true. He had nothing to do with it.’
Erasmus grabbed the girl's elbow and began to frogmarch her away from Ahmed.
‘You're coming with me,’ said Erasmus.
‘Let go of my arm and I'll consider it.’
Erasmus started to drag her forward and then thought better of it. ‘Do you promise not to run off?’
The girl raised her right hand and crossed her index and middle fingers. ‘Guides’ honour,’ she said.
‘Come on then, let's get out of here before these two units come to their senses.’
‘You are not a religious man, are you, Mr Jones?’ shouted Ahmed from behind him,
Erasmus shook his head. ‘I've never quite seen the upside.’
‘Then I will pray that religion finds you before it is too late. And, Mr Jones, I look forward to our next meeting. Perhaps things will be a little different when I don't have a gun pointed at my head?’
Mohammed was now in the recovery position, his breathing more regular.
‘Don't count on it,’ said Erasmus.
He gave Mohammed a kick to his side for good
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