Read Online The Ship Who Sang by Anne McCaffrey - Free Book Online

life.’
    â€˜Was it
your
son?’ asked Helva.
    â€˜Yes, and my daughter, my husband, my whole family. I was the only immune,’ and Theoda’s face contorted. ‘With all my training, with all the skill of years of practice, I couldn’t save them.’
    Theoda’s eyes closed against that remembered agony.
    Helva blacked out her own vision and with a deep indrawn mental breath as Theoda’s words echoed the protest she herself had voiced at her ineffectuality. It still burned in her mind: the searing memory of Jennan, looking toward her as he died.
    â€˜I don’t know why one makes a certain emotional adjustment,’ Theoda said wearily. ‘I guess it’s the survival factor forcing you to go on, preserving sanity and identity by a re-focusing of values. I felt that if I could learn my profession so well that never again would I have to watch someone I loved die because of myineffectiveness, then the ignorance that killed my family would be forgiven.’
    â€˜But how could you have turned a space plague?’ Helva demanded.
    â€˜Oh, I know I couldn’t have, but I still don’t forgive myself.’
    Helva turned Theoda’s words over in her mind, letting their significance sink into her like an anesthetic salve.
    â€˜Thank you, Theoda,’ she said finally, looking again at the therapist. ‘What are you crying for?’ she asked, astonished to see Theoda, sitting on the edge of the bunk, tears streaming unheeded down her face.
    â€˜You. Because you can’t can you? And you lost your Jennan and they never even gave you a chance to rest. They just ordered you up to take me here and . . .’
    Helva stared at Theoda, torn with a variety of emotions: incredulous that someone else did understand her grief over Jennan; that Theoda was, at the moment of her own triumph, concerned by Helva’s sorrow. She felt the hard knot of grief coming untied and she was suddenly rather astonished that she, Helva, was the object of pity.
    â€˜By the Almighty, Helva, wake up,’ shouted Onro at her base. Helva hurriedly sent down the lift for him.
    â€˜What on earth are you crying for? Don’t bother to answer,’ he rattled on, charging into the cabin and snatching Theoda’s kitbag fromher limp hands. He plowed on, into the galley. ‘It’s undoubtedly in a good cause. But there’s a whole planet waiting for your instructions . . .’ He was scooping up all the coffee containers he could find and stuffing them into the kitbag, and his pockets. ‘I promise you can cry all you want once you’ve given me the therapy routine.’ He made a cradle of her hands and piled more coffee cans on. ‘Then I’ll lend you my shoulder.’
    â€˜She’s got mine any time she wants,’ Helva put in, a little unsteadily.
    Onro stopped long enough to glance at Helva.
    â€˜You’re not making sense either,’ he said in an irascible voice. ‘You haven’t
got
a shoulder.’
    â€˜She’s making perfectly good sense,’ Theoda said stoutly as Onro started to push her toward the lock.
    â€˜Come on, Theoda, come on.’
    â€˜Thank you, my friend,’ Theoda murmured turning back to Helva. Then she whirled away, allowing Onro to start the lift.
    â€˜No, no, Theoda, I’m the one who’s grateful,’ Helva called as Theoda’s head disappeared past the edge of the lock. Softly, to herself, she added, ‘I needed tears.’
    As the landcar zoomed back toward the hospital complex, Helva could see Theoda’s arm waving farewell and knew Theoda understood all that hadn’t been said. The dust settled down on the road to the hospital as Helva signaledRegulus Base of the completion of her mission and her estimated return.
    Then, like a Phoenix rising again from the bitter ashes of her hundred hours’ mourning, Helva lifted on the brilliant tail of exploding fuel toward the stars,