Read Online The Sex Was Great But... by Tyne O’Connell - Free Book Online Page A

Wilhelm is always saying that mistrust and paranoia are the inalienable rights of all free-thinking people. On the other hand, he’s always saying that rights are what you can get away with.
    We left Joseph and went inside.
    Conchita was on her day off, so I set up Leo in the kitchen with some cereal and ducked out to call Nancy.
    â€œNancy,” I announced when she picked up. “You are not going to believe what’s happened to me today!” I thought a little guessing game would butter Nancy up. She loves guessing games. I also thought it would be an effective segue to the “I just brought a street person home with me” conundrum.
    I suspected Nancy wasn’t going to respond well to Leo, in which case I needed all the segues I could get.
    â€œYou found our New Betty?” she squealed, knowing full well I hadn’t. “Tell me you’ve found a broken old woman with great bones who only needs a dab of makeup, a designer outfit and crèche facilities to transform her into a successful career woman, thereby making our ratings soar and putting you back on top of the most popular women in showbiz list?”
    â€œNot even close.”
    â€œOh, by the way, Larry’s been trying to get hold of you. He says you’re not taking his calls.”
    â€œYeah, well, you know what they say about L.A.!”
    She laughed. “It isn’t just dog eat dog, but dog doesn’t return other dog’s phone calls. I know, but I thought you were going to fire him?”
    â€œGet real! Who’d want to represent me now?”
    â€œGet over yourself, girl. Agents grow on trees in this town. Even the flies have representation. John Travolta had an agent all those years he couldn’t get work, remember?”
    â€œAre you saying I’m about to be thrown into a three-hundred-year hiatus?” I semijoked.
    â€œHolly, you know I don’t think that.”
    â€œOkay, well, that isn’t why I called anyway. The thing is, right…and this is so amazing…you are not going to believe what happened to me this morning!”
    â€œLet me guess.”
    â€œNo, you’ll never guess. It’s too unbelievable. Just don’t say anything until I’ve finished—”
    â€œWhat…you’re not even going to let me try and guess?”
    â€œNo. You had your guess, so just listen. After I spoke to you this morning I drove to Vermont.”
    â€œOkay, so drive, shop, drive shop—blah, blah. Are you going to call Larry or not?”
    I ignored her. “I was on Vermont Avenue, outside Mona Li—”
    Nancy cut in. “I love that shop. Ooooh, what did you get?”
    â€œWill you shut up for a minute?” I shouted down the phone. This time I was rewarded with silence, so I leaped in and started my story. The street guy asking me forspare change, the bag snatcher and—the tricky bit—justifying how I ended up inviting the street person home with me.
    â€œYou did…”(pause for effect) “… what? ” Nancy loves to pause for effect. It’s a trademark Nancy thing—she could have learned it from my mother—if she’d ever met her. I could never master the pause thing myself. I tried doing it with Ted once, but he just cut in during the pause parts.
    Even though she wasn’t shouting or anything, I held the phone away from my ear when she asked where the hell the bum was now?
    I used my prim voice. “His name’s Leo, as it happens, and he’s in my kitchen eating cereal this very moment.”
    â€œYou mean serial—as in serial killer, right?”
    â€œI mean cereal as in Cap’n Crunch, to be precise.”
    â€œYou…” (pause for effect) “…have offered your murderer…” (pause for effect) “…Cap’n Crunch?”
    â€œWell I borrowed some from Joseph, actually, because he asked for it specifically. It’s America’s most