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Authors: Preeti Shenoy
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happenings has spread and that they are all talking about me. I see many students turning to look at me as though to say, ‘There—there is the girl who was caught kissing that guy.’
But what I do not know then is the power of rumours. They spread like wildfire. I somehow get through the day, hiding behind Tanu for most of it. She handles our model and does all the explaining. I am in no mood or state to do so.
Ankit is with the other boys at their exhibits. I catch him looking at me several times, but I turn away.
Our school wins the overall trophy for the best exhibits. Tanu’s and my display also wins a prize for the ‘Most innovative and well-constructed’ model. But I feel no happiness. The events of last night have cast a big black shadow over everything. All the success at the exhibition pales, withers, shrivels up and becomes meaningless as my brother’s face and words keep coming back to haunt me. The more I try not to think of it, the more those thoughts rush in and surround me, drowning out everything else.
That evening, we leave for our school. It is almost as if I have become an outcast overnight. None of the girls other than Tanu want to even talk to me. They stare and whisper among themselves.
Mrs Rao watches over me like a hawk. She orders Ankit to sit in the last seat and I am made to sit right in front. As though Ankit and I will begin to kiss in the bus or something.
I feel miserable and scared, but a part of me is angry too. Is kissing a guy you like so wrong that I am being treated like I killed somebody?
Tanu reminds me that I have to accept that we live in a very conservative city like Chennai. It is definitely against Indian culture. She says it may be okay in the West. But even in the West, it is most certainly not permitted when you are on school time. What you do outside school is perhaps your business. She says that what I did was undeniably wrong.
I know that she is perfectly right, but am too upset to accept it yet. I ignore what she is saying and tell her that I am sorry and do not want to talk. I thank her for being a great friend. Then I bury my head in a book for the rest of the journey.
But the worst is yet to come.
Once we get back home, Rohan narrates the entire episode to my parents in detail. My father is furious with me. My mother starts weeping.
I feel even more miserable than I already am when I see her crying.
‘Ma, please don’t cry. Nothing happened,’ I try to console her.
‘How can you even say that, Diksha? How could you behave like this? I feel that I have failed in raising you. If I was not able to instill a little bit of culture in you, what was the point of all these years of my parenting? I have really gone wrong somewhere. And you have the guts to say nothing happened?’ My mother’s voice comes out raggedly, as though saying it all hurts. Perhaps it does.
‘Ma, everyone is acting like we had sex or something,’ I say and at that moment my father steps forward and slaps me hard across my face.
‘DON’T YOU DARE SAY A WORD. Look at her guts. She dares talk back after all that she’s done. Didn’t you think of your family even once?’ His eyes are blazing and he is breathing hard.
His is burning wrath. I am terrified just looking at him. His voice is ringing in my ears. This man standing in front of me does not seem like my father at all. It is as though he has transformed into a beast.
I am stunned by the slap. My cheek stings with pain. My father has never hit me as far back as I can remember.
My hands begin to tremble and tears roll down my cheeks again.
‘We are pulling you out of that school. No more co-ed for you. We will see what can be done,’ he says with an air of finality.
I am shocked by this pronouncement. What are they going to do? Where are they going to send me? I do not want to go to a different school. I like my school and my friends. The thought of not seeing Ankit again makes my heart go heavy.
Later, that
But what I do not know then is the power of rumours. They spread like wildfire. I somehow get through the day, hiding behind Tanu for most of it. She handles our model and does all the explaining. I am in no mood or state to do so.
Ankit is with the other boys at their exhibits. I catch him looking at me several times, but I turn away.
Our school wins the overall trophy for the best exhibits. Tanu’s and my display also wins a prize for the ‘Most innovative and well-constructed’ model. But I feel no happiness. The events of last night have cast a big black shadow over everything. All the success at the exhibition pales, withers, shrivels up and becomes meaningless as my brother’s face and words keep coming back to haunt me. The more I try not to think of it, the more those thoughts rush in and surround me, drowning out everything else.
That evening, we leave for our school. It is almost as if I have become an outcast overnight. None of the girls other than Tanu want to even talk to me. They stare and whisper among themselves.
Mrs Rao watches over me like a hawk. She orders Ankit to sit in the last seat and I am made to sit right in front. As though Ankit and I will begin to kiss in the bus or something.
I feel miserable and scared, but a part of me is angry too. Is kissing a guy you like so wrong that I am being treated like I killed somebody?
Tanu reminds me that I have to accept that we live in a very conservative city like Chennai. It is definitely against Indian culture. She says it may be okay in the West. But even in the West, it is most certainly not permitted when you are on school time. What you do outside school is perhaps your business. She says that what I did was undeniably wrong.
I know that she is perfectly right, but am too upset to accept it yet. I ignore what she is saying and tell her that I am sorry and do not want to talk. I thank her for being a great friend. Then I bury my head in a book for the rest of the journey.
But the worst is yet to come.
Once we get back home, Rohan narrates the entire episode to my parents in detail. My father is furious with me. My mother starts weeping.
I feel even more miserable than I already am when I see her crying.
‘Ma, please don’t cry. Nothing happened,’ I try to console her.
‘How can you even say that, Diksha? How could you behave like this? I feel that I have failed in raising you. If I was not able to instill a little bit of culture in you, what was the point of all these years of my parenting? I have really gone wrong somewhere. And you have the guts to say nothing happened?’ My mother’s voice comes out raggedly, as though saying it all hurts. Perhaps it does.
‘Ma, everyone is acting like we had sex or something,’ I say and at that moment my father steps forward and slaps me hard across my face.
‘DON’T YOU DARE SAY A WORD. Look at her guts. She dares talk back after all that she’s done. Didn’t you think of your family even once?’ His eyes are blazing and he is breathing hard.
His is burning wrath. I am terrified just looking at him. His voice is ringing in my ears. This man standing in front of me does not seem like my father at all. It is as though he has transformed into a beast.
I am stunned by the slap. My cheek stings with pain. My father has never hit me as far back as I can remember.
My hands begin to tremble and tears roll down my cheeks again.
‘We are pulling you out of that school. No more co-ed for you. We will see what can be done,’ he says with an air of finality.
I am shocked by this pronouncement. What are they going to do? Where are they going to send me? I do not want to go to a different school. I like my school and my friends. The thought of not seeing Ankit again makes my heart go heavy.
Later, that
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