Read Online The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It by Valerie Young - Free Book Online
Authors: Valerie Young
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example:
• When you do well, do other people make comments about how “lucky” you were?
• Have you ever felt you had to overdeliver or otherwise been held to either a higher or a lower standard because you are a woman?
• Are there times when you feel like you have to prove your qualifications in ways men don’t?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, take time to reflect on how these experiences have affected how confident and competent you feel today. From now on, don’t automatically assume that the reason you were passed over or asked to provide additional proof of abilities or credentials is because you’re somehow lacking. At the same time, be aware that there really are reasons unrelated to gender or racial bias why decisions go a certain way or careers stall. We all have blind spots. So before you cry foul, ask yourself a few questions:
• Do I need to gain more experience or a track record before I can reasonably expect to be moved ahead?
• Are there ways I can improve my skills at presenting ideas, negotiating, or interviewing?
• Who can I look to for objective feedback about things I could be doing better or differently to get where I want to go?
The Importance of Being Lesser
Being female means you and your work automatically stand a greater chance of being ignored, discounted, trivialized, devalued, or otherwise taken less seriously than a man’s. Take something as basic as art. Despite being equally creative and painstaking, ceramics, embroidery, weaving, and other mediums associated with women are relegated by historians and curators alike to the inferior status of “crafts.” Similarly, the scholarly, scientific, or literary work of women has generally not been considered as “important” or “brilliant” as that of men. Books and films produced by women or that appeal to them are frequently derided as “chick lit” or “chick flicks.” But you rarely hear a similarly rhyming term used to describe the often violent action films popular among male audiences.
It’s unlikely that the stray demeaning remark or indignity will undermine your self-confidence in any lasting way, especially if it comes from a stranger. It’s the cumulative effect of often subtle put-downs that can take a toll. For example, of the hundreds of highly successful male executives and entrepreneurs I’ve worked with, I’ve never heard a single one protest that his work was being trivialized. But it’s something women complain about a lot.
Little
is one of those words men don’t take kindly to—at least not when it’s used in reference to them. But it’s a word that’s freely tossed around to refer to your work. Like when a young professor I know announced excitedly that her grant had come through, only to feel totally deflated when the dean responded, “Oh, you mean the little one?” Even when made innocently, belittling comments like “Why don’t you share your little idea with the group?” “I hear you’re starting a little consulting business.” “When is your little show happening?” send the message that what you have to offer is not really serious.
If researchers looking at children are right, males may have simplygrown up learning to take females less seriously. In play pairs, even among children as young as two and a half, boys pay attention to protests from other boys. But when girls tell boys to stop doing something, the boys ignore them. 9 Fast-forward a few years and even on what researchers had set up as a collaborative science project, the experience of being the only boy differed dramatically from that of the lone girl. When teams consisted of three girls and one boy, the girls deferred to the boy, who spoke twice as much as all the girls combined. But when the situation was reversed, the boys ignored and insulted the lone girl. 10 Jump ahead to adulthood and this pattern continues. Midlevel women in high-tech
• When you do well, do other people make comments about how “lucky” you were?
• Have you ever felt you had to overdeliver or otherwise been held to either a higher or a lower standard because you are a woman?
• Are there times when you feel like you have to prove your qualifications in ways men don’t?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, take time to reflect on how these experiences have affected how confident and competent you feel today. From now on, don’t automatically assume that the reason you were passed over or asked to provide additional proof of abilities or credentials is because you’re somehow lacking. At the same time, be aware that there really are reasons unrelated to gender or racial bias why decisions go a certain way or careers stall. We all have blind spots. So before you cry foul, ask yourself a few questions:
• Do I need to gain more experience or a track record before I can reasonably expect to be moved ahead?
• Are there ways I can improve my skills at presenting ideas, negotiating, or interviewing?
• Who can I look to for objective feedback about things I could be doing better or differently to get where I want to go?
The Importance of Being Lesser
Being female means you and your work automatically stand a greater chance of being ignored, discounted, trivialized, devalued, or otherwise taken less seriously than a man’s. Take something as basic as art. Despite being equally creative and painstaking, ceramics, embroidery, weaving, and other mediums associated with women are relegated by historians and curators alike to the inferior status of “crafts.” Similarly, the scholarly, scientific, or literary work of women has generally not been considered as “important” or “brilliant” as that of men. Books and films produced by women or that appeal to them are frequently derided as “chick lit” or “chick flicks.” But you rarely hear a similarly rhyming term used to describe the often violent action films popular among male audiences.
It’s unlikely that the stray demeaning remark or indignity will undermine your self-confidence in any lasting way, especially if it comes from a stranger. It’s the cumulative effect of often subtle put-downs that can take a toll. For example, of the hundreds of highly successful male executives and entrepreneurs I’ve worked with, I’ve never heard a single one protest that his work was being trivialized. But it’s something women complain about a lot.
Little
is one of those words men don’t take kindly to—at least not when it’s used in reference to them. But it’s a word that’s freely tossed around to refer to your work. Like when a young professor I know announced excitedly that her grant had come through, only to feel totally deflated when the dean responded, “Oh, you mean the little one?” Even when made innocently, belittling comments like “Why don’t you share your little idea with the group?” “I hear you’re starting a little consulting business.” “When is your little show happening?” send the message that what you have to offer is not really serious.
If researchers looking at children are right, males may have simplygrown up learning to take females less seriously. In play pairs, even among children as young as two and a half, boys pay attention to protests from other boys. But when girls tell boys to stop doing something, the boys ignore them. 9 Fast-forward a few years and even on what researchers had set up as a collaborative science project, the experience of being the only boy differed dramatically from that of the lone girl. When teams consisted of three girls and one boy, the girls deferred to the boy, who spoke twice as much as all the girls combined. But when the situation was reversed, the boys ignored and insulted the lone girl. 10 Jump ahead to adulthood and this pattern continues. Midlevel women in high-tech
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