Read Online The Science of Discworld IV by Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen Terry Pratchett - Free Book Online

he had a very pointy hat and, on special occasions, wore very ornate robes, Mustrum Ridcully was also very smart. Smart was a necessary part of life in the university if you wanted to
have
a life in the university. He prided himself on his memory for small things, so within the hour he headed to the study of Ponder Stibbons. He was followed dutifully by the Librarian, whose skill at picking up data fast was legendary.
    ‘Simian fn2 and gentlemen,’ Ridcully summarised, ‘I am convinced that the Great Big Thing so recently put to work by the wizards of the High Energy Magic building may have struck what I am reliably informed is called a
hitch
… yes, Mister Stibbons?’
    Everyone knows that if you have foolishly done something wrong then your first step must be to determine if the blame can be laid elsewhere, but Archchancellor Ridcully knew where
all
the bucks stopped, and so Ponder’s best defence would therefore be to state a clear intention to return the world, as soon as possible, to the
status quo ante
, and by any means necessary.
    ‘On a point of order, Archchancellor,’ the wizard replied, ‘the word in question is a
glitch
and, as they go, a not particularly bad one, given that as far as we can tell nobody has been injured, I’m pleased to say. According to Hex, Archchancellor, your surmise that we are cross-linked to Roundworld is correct. Well done, sir! Finding a clue in that children’s rhyme was an amazing surmise. Unfortunately, it also makes me worry that there may be more …
seepage
between our worlds …’
    Ridcully frowned. ‘Mister Stibbons. We have meddled in Roundworld rather too many times, in my opinion. In fact, as I recall, it was the Dean who caused the place to come into being, don’t you remember? He was mucking about with some firmament, so technically speaking he created the place. Mind you,’ he went on, ‘I think it would be a very good idea if we don’t let anybody know about
that
. There would be no end of arguments.’
    Ponder nodded vigorously.
    Ridcully grinned and continued thoughtfully, with a certain amount of malice aforethought, ‘It does seem to me, Mister Stibbons, that we should send an agent in there to see how things are. After all, Miss Daw has stumbled into our world, and therefore we have a duty to see nothing untoward is happening in hers as a result of your … experiment. Indeed, in the interests of all concerned, I think we should definitely send someone the other way. We
are
responsible for the place.’ Mustrum Ridcully stroked his beard, a signal to all who knew him that he was feeling rather nasty and mysterious. ‘I think, yes, the Dean himself ought to go and have a look around.’ The beard was stroked again, and Ridcully continued, ‘For backup, you had better send Rincewind with him; he’s been looking a little peaky lately, so a change of air will do him good.’
    ‘Alas, sir,’ said Ponder, ‘if you recall, and I
know
you recall, the Dean is now Archchancellor of Pseudopolis University, and we haven’t inducted a new Dean yet.’
    Undeterred, Ridcully said, ‘Get him anyway! He was the one who created Roundworld. He can’t just shrug it off; he ought to see how the old place is doing. Send him a clacks. We need action today. We want no more seepages!’
    fn1 She had rather liked the name until she went to school; the other kids teased her until one day she took umbrage and there was an up-and-downer, after which they showed some respect.
    fn2 The Librarian of Unseen University, who gets a capital ‘L’, is an orangutan, because of an accident when a spell escaped from a book of magic. See
The Light Fantastic
.

FOUR
----
WORLD TURTLES

    Before the Large Hadron Collider was turned on, there were attempts to get court injunctions to stop it, in case it created a mini black hole and gobbled up the universe. This was not
totally
silly, but it ignored a worse problem: according to the cosmological theory of eternal inflation, any part of