Read Online The Saddest Song by Susie Kaye Lopez - Free Book Online

Rainey. We are just trying to process everything while being under a microscope. It sucks.”
    “Totally. I want to be normal again. I am so tired of the stares and the pity and my own tears. I feel like the shock is gone now and I am starting to accept he is gone forever. I know that is what he wants us to do. We have to live.”
    “We do, but I think High School is basically over for both of us. We will happier after we graduate.”
    I nodded in agreement but hoped that he didn’t mean he was ready to move on from me too.
    “Hey, remember when I wrote songs over the summer with that friend of mine, Colin?”
    “Yeah, of course.”
    “Well, he’s opening at a show this Saturday and he invited me to go. He said he would leave my name on the list if I wanted to go and bring a friend. Want to go?”
    “That sounds fun! Then I know I won’t sit and think about the dance all night.”
    “Cool.” He smiled. I really had missed that smile. Music was the most important thing in his life and he hadn’t done much in the last couple months. I hoped he and I were at least getting to the place where we could enjoy ourselves and forget our grief once in a while. Not forget Garrett. There was a difference. Grief felt like carrying super heavy weights everywhere you go. This was like getting to set them down for a while. You would still carry them again, but there would be times you didn’t have to.
    Later that night as I cleared the dinner dishes, the doorbell rang and I heard my mom and dad greeting Caitlynn. We all stood in the front hall together as she unveiled her Homecoming dress and we all told her how much we loved it. I did love it, and I had to push down the tiny, jealous ache that wished I could be showing her mine. I loved dances. I loved Garrett. Both were behind me now. This wasn’t my world anymore.
    We retreated up to my room after Caitlynn shared all the details of her plans for Saturday. “Rainey, you seem so much better!” Her voice sounded hopeful.
    “I’m over the shock and hoping that it was only a bad dream. I guess I’m just accepting it now.”
    “I guess the whole process will take a long time, huh?”
    “It will, but that’s okay. Garrett was my boyfriend for almost four years, Cait. Wouldn’t it be sad if I was over him dying in two months? He deserves to be remembered and I want to remember him. I love all my memories of him. I’m really afraid of them fading as time goes on. It just keeps getting longer and longer since I’ve seen him.”
    “You will miss him forever, but it’s good to see that you can smile again. Garrett would like that.”
    I glanced over at the M&M smile still sitting on my desk and knew she was right.

Max
    I told my parents about the concert at breakfast on Saturday morning. I expected them to be thrilled that I was going out again like a normal kid. They were always watching me with worried expressions on their faces and I assumed that they would be relieved to see me living again. I was feeling happier than I had felt thus far and I knew that a lot of it had to do with just accepting the reality that I would live without my brother for the rest of my life. All of us had come to terms with this fact and had made a small amount of progress. So when I told them I was shocked to see their concerned, fearful expressions.
    “Are you sure you are up to it Max?” said mom.
    “Up to what? It’s just a concert mom. One of my friends is opening for the main act. He invited me and I am taking Rainey.”
    “Well, how late do you think you will be out?” Seriously? Garrett and I had never even had a set curfew as long as we checked in by text when we came or went from one place to the next.
    “I don’t know mom. The concert begins at 8:00, so maybe midnight if we get some food after.”
    “I just don’t like you to be out driving with the drunk drivers at night.”
    “Mom, I will drive extra safe. I promise. I will be fine.”
    “I can’t help but worry after