Read Online The Road to Price by Justine Elvira - Free Book Online

pain.
    I had to stay
still while the anesthesiologist put the rather large needle in my back. He
warned me about the pain but I didn’t even notice it because my abdomen hurt so
badly. Thankfully I started to feel the result of the epidural right away.
    Within fifteen
minutes I no longer felt any contractions. The nurse told me I should take
advantage of this time and rest before I had to do the hard part, delivering my
baby.
    I was in and out of
consciousness for the next few hours. I was trying to get as much rest as
possible before I had to deliver my baby. I started feeling pressure below,
which is what woke me up.  My momma came right over to the side of my bed
and placed her hands on my belly.
    I had the urge to
push. It was weird because I still was feeling no pain but I had this intense
feeling to push. I read enough in my preparation for delivery to know that this
could be a sign that I was ready to deliver so I had my Momma get the nurse
right away.
    After an internal
exam it was official. I was ten centimeters dilated and ready to have my baby.
I was scared. I had been so strong during my pregnancy but in this moment I was
terrified. I didn’t want to deliver my baby. I wanted my baby to stay inside me
forever.
    I was losing my
hold on reality. The hell I have lived in these past nine months has finally
caught up to me. What was I thinking having this baby? It was going to be a
constant reminder of what happened to me. How could I even love it?
    I couldn’t really
tell you what happened next. It was like an out of body experience. I was
physically there but I had mentally checked out. It was like watching a movie
being played out right in front of me. It wasn’t happening to me, it felt like
it wasn’t me at all.
    A doctor came in.
More nurses. My mother was standing next to me talking but I didn’t hear her.
My legs were placed in stir-ups. Medical instruments were placed to the left of
my feet, while the doctor sat in a chair in between my open legs. I couldn’t
hear anything to know if I was given instructions, but I didn’t need to. My
body knew to push. It was instinct.
    I was pushing.
    I was watching my
mother. She was looking at me; still speaking what I hoped were words of
encouragement. The doctor was looking at me, then between my legs, then at me,
then between my legs. His mouth was also moving but I couldn’t make out what he
said.
    I continued to
push.
    It was draining
all the energy out of me. I was so exhausted and I knew this next push was the
last one my body could take. Luckily it was the last push I needed. My baby’s
head was out and then it’s body. The Doctor placed a towel around my baby’s
body and placed my baby on my chest.
    “Congratulations,
it’s a boy.” My doctor said.
    That was all I had
to hear to bring me back to reality, back in this moment.
    I have a boy. He
was beautiful. He still was covered in goo from my placenta but he was the most
beautiful creature I had ever seen. His perfection was only proven by the fact
that he snapped me out of my mental breakdown.
    I could do this
and I know this now. He was the only thing that mattered. I was going to be a
fantastic mother and do right by him.
    “He is one
handsome devil,” my momma said. “Have you thought of a name for him?”
    Name? What would I
name him? I hadn’t thought about it yet.
    I had been down
such a rough road the past few months and the miles between had taken its toll
on me. I never thought of what I would name my little girl or boy.
    It had to be a
strong name, something that he could live up to. He was going to have to face a
lot of truths in the future, some I wasn’t sure I wanted him to know. The road
ahead of him was going to be rough and I wanted him to make it out the other
side a strong man. I wanted the miles in between to be paved, smooth, and
beautiful for my perfect little boy.
    He was a survivor.
    It was then that I
knew what my little boy would be called the rest of his life. It was