Read Online The Rest is Weight (UQP Short Fiction) by Jennifer Mills - Free Book Online
Authors: Jennifer Mills
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pointless. You can’t fight when things are falling apart. The journos we emailed couldn’t find room for the story. I thought that would be the end of it.
Nothing changed for a couple of weeks. Every day we walked past the circled character, like a big scratch of a moon in the concrete, expecting the place to be gone. Mrs Hua kept standing out in the street and looking at it. But she didn’t talk to us. She didn’t come to any meetings. She just scuttled back into her place and shut the door. I figured it was over. It was a dump. The roof was a wreck with a tree shooting through it, the tiles off, replaced with a plastic sheet held down by rocks. The house was going to fall down either way.
But Jeremy wouldn’t stop talking about it. Every time we met friends he’d be going on about it. He’d stay out late to keep talking. Some nights he wouldn’t come home.
‘Fox fairies!’ His voice shook into me, a train through a tunnel. ‘Raj, they can’t do it. It’s full of fox fairies!’
‘I am asleep,’ I said, crawling out of a dream.
‘I’ve figured it out,’ he said. ‘I’ve figured it out!’ He drummed his hands on the desk. A plastic drink bottle rattled and toppled, rolled under the bed.
‘Hang on. Start again.’ I looked at the clock. It was two in the morning.
‘The corner house. It’s got fox fairies.’
‘Have I missed a gay subculture?’
His grin was orange in the dark. ‘That’s the defence, you get it? Traditional culture. This whole neighbourhood is full of it. Fox fairies. She really has one. Mrs Hua. She said she’s been looking after one for years. They are guarding this hutong. They’re guarding it.’
‘Mrs Hua talked to you?’
He nodded. His forehead was shiny with sweat. I wanted to reach out and wipe it with my hand but I couldn’t be sure how he would react.
‘Are you sure this actually happened?’
‘Oh fuck off, Raj. As soon as I get excited about something you start thinking I’m losing it. It always has to be the fucking disorder,’ he said. ‘Well it’s not. I wish you’d just fucking listen.’
‘I’m sorry, baby. I don’t mean to pathologise.’ I sat up in the bed and watched him pace. His arms were stringy and pale.
‘Tell me again.’
When his pacing brought him close I reached out for the backs of his knees and pulled him towards me. His breath was hard and heavy. I could feel his heartbeat like standing over the subway grate and I was afraid.
‘I’m listening,’ I said.
‘So really old foxes, they become immortals, like people. You know, they get spiritual. Magical powers and so on.’ Holding him was like holding a cat that didn’t want to be there. I felt my fingers slipping.
‘Right.’
‘Well maybe it’s not just a myth. She said she was looking after one. She said we have to leave it alone or there will be trouble.’
‘Uh-huh.’ I stroked the back of his neck. I could see a fast pulse in his jugular. I couldn’t remember if I had saved the number for the hospital in my phone.
‘Well maybe there’s really something in it. A spirit of the house kind of thing.’
‘She lives alone,’ I said. ‘Maybe she’s a little bit gone in the head.’ I felt him flinch.
‘You never want to get involved,’ he said, twisting around. ‘You’re so fucking absent. Sometimes it’s like you don’t really live here.’
‘I live here. I’m just not Chinese. And neither are you. How can you believe in some old folktale which not even Beijingers believe in any more? That’s not just superstition, it’s cultural appropriation.’
That was a cheap shot. I try not to pull race rank on my boyfriend, but fuck, being brown is so rarely an advantage that I feel almost obliged to use it.
‘I’m just trying to look after these people’s interests,’ he said. His voice was small. I could feel the tug in his muscles ease. The hush of night was interrupted by the sigh of a braking truck. I waited for it to pass.
‘Jem, baby,
Nothing changed for a couple of weeks. Every day we walked past the circled character, like a big scratch of a moon in the concrete, expecting the place to be gone. Mrs Hua kept standing out in the street and looking at it. But she didn’t talk to us. She didn’t come to any meetings. She just scuttled back into her place and shut the door. I figured it was over. It was a dump. The roof was a wreck with a tree shooting through it, the tiles off, replaced with a plastic sheet held down by rocks. The house was going to fall down either way.
But Jeremy wouldn’t stop talking about it. Every time we met friends he’d be going on about it. He’d stay out late to keep talking. Some nights he wouldn’t come home.
‘Fox fairies!’ His voice shook into me, a train through a tunnel. ‘Raj, they can’t do it. It’s full of fox fairies!’
‘I am asleep,’ I said, crawling out of a dream.
‘I’ve figured it out,’ he said. ‘I’ve figured it out!’ He drummed his hands on the desk. A plastic drink bottle rattled and toppled, rolled under the bed.
‘Hang on. Start again.’ I looked at the clock. It was two in the morning.
‘The corner house. It’s got fox fairies.’
‘Have I missed a gay subculture?’
His grin was orange in the dark. ‘That’s the defence, you get it? Traditional culture. This whole neighbourhood is full of it. Fox fairies. She really has one. Mrs Hua. She said she’s been looking after one for years. They are guarding this hutong. They’re guarding it.’
‘Mrs Hua talked to you?’
He nodded. His forehead was shiny with sweat. I wanted to reach out and wipe it with my hand but I couldn’t be sure how he would react.
‘Are you sure this actually happened?’
‘Oh fuck off, Raj. As soon as I get excited about something you start thinking I’m losing it. It always has to be the fucking disorder,’ he said. ‘Well it’s not. I wish you’d just fucking listen.’
‘I’m sorry, baby. I don’t mean to pathologise.’ I sat up in the bed and watched him pace. His arms were stringy and pale.
‘Tell me again.’
When his pacing brought him close I reached out for the backs of his knees and pulled him towards me. His breath was hard and heavy. I could feel his heartbeat like standing over the subway grate and I was afraid.
‘I’m listening,’ I said.
‘So really old foxes, they become immortals, like people. You know, they get spiritual. Magical powers and so on.’ Holding him was like holding a cat that didn’t want to be there. I felt my fingers slipping.
‘Right.’
‘Well maybe it’s not just a myth. She said she was looking after one. She said we have to leave it alone or there will be trouble.’
‘Uh-huh.’ I stroked the back of his neck. I could see a fast pulse in his jugular. I couldn’t remember if I had saved the number for the hospital in my phone.
‘Well maybe there’s really something in it. A spirit of the house kind of thing.’
‘She lives alone,’ I said. ‘Maybe she’s a little bit gone in the head.’ I felt him flinch.
‘You never want to get involved,’ he said, twisting around. ‘You’re so fucking absent. Sometimes it’s like you don’t really live here.’
‘I live here. I’m just not Chinese. And neither are you. How can you believe in some old folktale which not even Beijingers believe in any more? That’s not just superstition, it’s cultural appropriation.’
That was a cheap shot. I try not to pull race rank on my boyfriend, but fuck, being brown is so rarely an advantage that I feel almost obliged to use it.
‘I’m just trying to look after these people’s interests,’ he said. His voice was small. I could feel the tug in his muscles ease. The hush of night was interrupted by the sigh of a braking truck. I waited for it to pass.
‘Jem, baby,
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