river running along beside it.
No, I supposed they wouldnât, and I didnât have a ready reply.
I asked Jamie about it.
âThe dogs donât go to just anyone who wants them,â he said. âThe person has to live in a place with a garden and the dog must be able to be taken for walks. Usually there are friends and family to help with the walking too. And the dog is checked up on regularly. We have people whose job is to provide the after-care and to check up on the dogs and to remove them if everything isnât OK.â
I couldnât forget what Florence had said. I already had a small inkling of the wrench it would be to give Emma up, and I knew that it would break my heart twice over if I wasnât totally convinced she was going on to the best life possible for her. I wanted Emma to have walks and fun, and not just work all the time. I simply wouldnât be able to let her go, if that was the case, and began dreading the day Iâd be asked to do so.
6
Emma barked as the doorbell rang. She was always excited to have visitors; all guests, in her mind, came solely to see her.
âWeâve got news!â my brother, Jack, had said to me on the phone, but heâd refused to go into any more detail without being face-to-face. So here he was, with his girlfriend, Carmel, on a rare visit.
He walked in, full of pent-up energy, barely able to contain himself, pecking me on the cheek as he thundered past down the hall and into the living room; Carmel looked pleased. Barely were they inside and the kettle on than it exploded out of him.
âCarmelâs pregnant!â
Carmel beamed with delight and out poured the story of how this had happened. I kept a smile on my face and hoped no one would notice that I was in shock. Of course I was pleased for them, but I was jealous too.
When Jack and Carmel had moved in together, more than five years previously, they hadnât mentioned wanting to have a baby. Iâd had no idea whatsoever that it was part of their plans, although, given he was now forty years old and she forty-three, Iâd perhaps been naive in thinking it wasnât on the agenda. It was just something that in our family we didnât seem to think aboutâin the same way that, before Iâd met Ian, Iâd been happily without kids myself. Carmel had talked to me once or twice over the years about having fibroids, but fibroids were a nuisanceâand sometimes plenty more than thatâto many women, regardless of whether they were trying to conceive.
Now, clasping hands on the sofa, they revealed that theyâd been trying for a baby for years and had been living the agony of not being able to conceive alone, without telling anyone at all, even their nearest and dearest. Carmel had undergone more than one operation, and theyâd had repeated IVF treatments without success. Only a few months previously, their specialist had warned that it was highly unlikely ever to happen, at which news Jack suggested they abandon the treatments, and Carmel agreed, though it broke her heart to do so.
âI used to hate tea before I got pregnant, but now I canât stop drinking it,â Carmel said, looking flushed with health as she sipped at her mug and devoured the cake Iâd laid on. She carried on with her story.
âAnd it was only a week or two later that I started to feel a bit funny. I wasnât sick, not vomiting, but I was feeling a bit off. I wasnât myself. All the way to the chemistâs, I was telling myself I was being stupid, but I went and did it anyway. I went and bought a pregnancy test, without telling Jack because he would have said I was just wasting money.â She gave him a rueful look.
âSo I took the test and there was the faintest of positive lines. You had to look really closely to see it. But it was there.
âAnd so I went to my doctor and told him and do you know what he did?â
We shook our heads.
No, I supposed they wouldnât, and I didnât have a ready reply.
I asked Jamie about it.
âThe dogs donât go to just anyone who wants them,â he said. âThe person has to live in a place with a garden and the dog must be able to be taken for walks. Usually there are friends and family to help with the walking too. And the dog is checked up on regularly. We have people whose job is to provide the after-care and to check up on the dogs and to remove them if everything isnât OK.â
I couldnât forget what Florence had said. I already had a small inkling of the wrench it would be to give Emma up, and I knew that it would break my heart twice over if I wasnât totally convinced she was going on to the best life possible for her. I wanted Emma to have walks and fun, and not just work all the time. I simply wouldnât be able to let her go, if that was the case, and began dreading the day Iâd be asked to do so.
6
Emma barked as the doorbell rang. She was always excited to have visitors; all guests, in her mind, came solely to see her.
âWeâve got news!â my brother, Jack, had said to me on the phone, but heâd refused to go into any more detail without being face-to-face. So here he was, with his girlfriend, Carmel, on a rare visit.
He walked in, full of pent-up energy, barely able to contain himself, pecking me on the cheek as he thundered past down the hall and into the living room; Carmel looked pleased. Barely were they inside and the kettle on than it exploded out of him.
âCarmelâs pregnant!â
Carmel beamed with delight and out poured the story of how this had happened. I kept a smile on my face and hoped no one would notice that I was in shock. Of course I was pleased for them, but I was jealous too.
When Jack and Carmel had moved in together, more than five years previously, they hadnât mentioned wanting to have a baby. Iâd had no idea whatsoever that it was part of their plans, although, given he was now forty years old and she forty-three, Iâd perhaps been naive in thinking it wasnât on the agenda. It was just something that in our family we didnât seem to think aboutâin the same way that, before Iâd met Ian, Iâd been happily without kids myself. Carmel had talked to me once or twice over the years about having fibroids, but fibroids were a nuisanceâand sometimes plenty more than thatâto many women, regardless of whether they were trying to conceive.
Now, clasping hands on the sofa, they revealed that theyâd been trying for a baby for years and had been living the agony of not being able to conceive alone, without telling anyone at all, even their nearest and dearest. Carmel had undergone more than one operation, and theyâd had repeated IVF treatments without success. Only a few months previously, their specialist had warned that it was highly unlikely ever to happen, at which news Jack suggested they abandon the treatments, and Carmel agreed, though it broke her heart to do so.
âI used to hate tea before I got pregnant, but now I canât stop drinking it,â Carmel said, looking flushed with health as she sipped at her mug and devoured the cake Iâd laid on. She carried on with her story.
âAnd it was only a week or two later that I started to feel a bit funny. I wasnât sick, not vomiting, but I was feeling a bit off. I wasnât myself. All the way to the chemistâs, I was telling myself I was being stupid, but I went and did it anyway. I went and bought a pregnancy test, without telling Jack because he would have said I was just wasting money.â She gave him a rueful look.
âSo I took the test and there was the faintest of positive lines. You had to look really closely to see it. But it was there.
âAnd so I went to my doctor and told him and do you know what he did?â
We shook our heads.
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