Read Online The Private Affairs Of Lady Jane Fielding by Viveka Portman - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Viveka Portman
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mine and tightened slightly, though the gesture merely inflamed my loins all the more.
I feel that I have become somewhat wanton; all this talk of carnal activity with Matthew is making me lose my sensibilities. When I look upon the man, and see the angular lines of his jaw, I find myself wondering what it would be like to kiss them. His lips are fuller than Jacob’s, but the line of his mouth naturally more severe. I find myself dreaming about them when my husband brushes his lips across my body. I imagine how it would feel if Matthew were to do the same.
Is this wicked of me? I fear I am coveting a man other than my husband, a certain sin against God.
‘Jacob.’ Matthew interrupted my sensual but guilt-laden musing. I turned to face Matthew. He looked uncomfortable, his jacket must have been sweltering in the confines of the carriage and his hair curled at his ears with perspiration. ‘Jane,’ he added in a softer tone.
‘What is it, my good man? It is damnably hot here!’ Jacob asked, wrenching the window open further so as to lessen the stifling atmosphere of the carriage.
‘I…’ Matthew hesitated and my body constricted, as if I knew the words he planned to speak. ‘I fear I cannot go along with this…this plan any longer.’
Jacob released an uneasy laugh. ‘My dear fellow, you have not yet done anything! Unless…’ he hesitated, ‘you have visited upon my wife without my knowing…’
The look of outrage on Matthew’s face may have bordered on comical had the situation not been so very perverse.
‘Good God! What devilishness do you speak of! I would never…I would never — ’
‘Fuck my wife without my prior knowledge?’ Jacob replied, clearly taking Matthew’s outrage for innocence.
Bile burned my throat. ‘Jacob. Do not speak so, you are offending me.’
Jacob laughed, dryly. ‘My apologies, I had to ask, everyone has been on such tenterhooks, I scarce know what is going on.’
‘This is exactly why it cannot continue,’ Matthew said. ‘I feel that every time I glance at Jane it may be misinterpreted. I do not wish her to cringe away from me like I’m an old letch, when in truth I am here at her husband’s behest.’
My face burned in shame.
Matthew turned and stared out the window, running a strong hand through his hair as he did. My heart tightened and I threw a concerned glance at Jacob who cast my glance away with a careless shrug. Clearly it was left to me to rectify and clarify the situation, if it was indeed rectifiable or capable of being clarified.
‘Oh, Matthew, no. I admire you greatly, and you are far from lecherous.’ I hoped my words would offer a level of assurance I otherwise could not offer.
Matthew turned to face me, his eyes darkened and brow furrowed. ‘And yet I feel so, every time I so much as glance at you, Jane, I believe you think I am seeing you through the eyes of a man who wishes dishonour.’
I felt such wicked guilt then. He had never looked at me in such a fashion, not once, and yet, every time I looked upon him , it was I who imagined all manner of sinful things. I can admit in this account that I often brushed my gaze past the bulge in his breeches, wickedly imagining the beast that lingered there. Sometimes, I’d touch myself during my bath, wondering how his caresses would differ.
‘No, Matthew. Please do not think such a thing, you are a deeply honourable man, and if truth be known…’ I hesitated.
Was now the time for my confession?
The weight of expectation was as heavy as the heat in the air.
‘Yes, Jane?’ Jacob probed softly, ‘Continue…’
I gnawed my lip somewhat. ‘If truth be known, it is I who has been looking at you in such a fashion. Since Jacob concocted this abominable plan, I’ve thought of little else.’
I shuddered and fanned my face rapidly to keep the stain from my cheeks.
Jacob squeezed my hand. ‘You need not be ashamed.’
‘Should I not?’ I quipped. ‘I feel positively wanton at times,
I feel that I have become somewhat wanton; all this talk of carnal activity with Matthew is making me lose my sensibilities. When I look upon the man, and see the angular lines of his jaw, I find myself wondering what it would be like to kiss them. His lips are fuller than Jacob’s, but the line of his mouth naturally more severe. I find myself dreaming about them when my husband brushes his lips across my body. I imagine how it would feel if Matthew were to do the same.
Is this wicked of me? I fear I am coveting a man other than my husband, a certain sin against God.
‘Jacob.’ Matthew interrupted my sensual but guilt-laden musing. I turned to face Matthew. He looked uncomfortable, his jacket must have been sweltering in the confines of the carriage and his hair curled at his ears with perspiration. ‘Jane,’ he added in a softer tone.
‘What is it, my good man? It is damnably hot here!’ Jacob asked, wrenching the window open further so as to lessen the stifling atmosphere of the carriage.
‘I…’ Matthew hesitated and my body constricted, as if I knew the words he planned to speak. ‘I fear I cannot go along with this…this plan any longer.’
Jacob released an uneasy laugh. ‘My dear fellow, you have not yet done anything! Unless…’ he hesitated, ‘you have visited upon my wife without my knowing…’
The look of outrage on Matthew’s face may have bordered on comical had the situation not been so very perverse.
‘Good God! What devilishness do you speak of! I would never…I would never — ’
‘Fuck my wife without my prior knowledge?’ Jacob replied, clearly taking Matthew’s outrage for innocence.
Bile burned my throat. ‘Jacob. Do not speak so, you are offending me.’
Jacob laughed, dryly. ‘My apologies, I had to ask, everyone has been on such tenterhooks, I scarce know what is going on.’
‘This is exactly why it cannot continue,’ Matthew said. ‘I feel that every time I glance at Jane it may be misinterpreted. I do not wish her to cringe away from me like I’m an old letch, when in truth I am here at her husband’s behest.’
My face burned in shame.
Matthew turned and stared out the window, running a strong hand through his hair as he did. My heart tightened and I threw a concerned glance at Jacob who cast my glance away with a careless shrug. Clearly it was left to me to rectify and clarify the situation, if it was indeed rectifiable or capable of being clarified.
‘Oh, Matthew, no. I admire you greatly, and you are far from lecherous.’ I hoped my words would offer a level of assurance I otherwise could not offer.
Matthew turned to face me, his eyes darkened and brow furrowed. ‘And yet I feel so, every time I so much as glance at you, Jane, I believe you think I am seeing you through the eyes of a man who wishes dishonour.’
I felt such wicked guilt then. He had never looked at me in such a fashion, not once, and yet, every time I looked upon him , it was I who imagined all manner of sinful things. I can admit in this account that I often brushed my gaze past the bulge in his breeches, wickedly imagining the beast that lingered there. Sometimes, I’d touch myself during my bath, wondering how his caresses would differ.
‘No, Matthew. Please do not think such a thing, you are a deeply honourable man, and if truth be known…’ I hesitated.
Was now the time for my confession?
The weight of expectation was as heavy as the heat in the air.
‘Yes, Jane?’ Jacob probed softly, ‘Continue…’
I gnawed my lip somewhat. ‘If truth be known, it is I who has been looking at you in such a fashion. Since Jacob concocted this abominable plan, I’ve thought of little else.’
I shuddered and fanned my face rapidly to keep the stain from my cheeks.
Jacob squeezed my hand. ‘You need not be ashamed.’
‘Should I not?’ I quipped. ‘I feel positively wanton at times,
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