Read Online THE PRACTICAL PRINCESS and Other Liberating Fairy Tales by Jay Williams - Free Book Online
Authors: Jay Williams
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laugh still held him. The wolf became a dragon. Sir Brian held on. The dragon, in the blink of an eye, turned into a lady.
“Oh, you’re hurting me,” said the lady. “Not very knightly of you.”
“I beg your pardon,” said Sir Brian. He let go at once. The enchanter promptly waved his hand and
turned Sir Brian into a pelican, which gave a dismal squawk and flew out the window.
The enchanter changed back into himself and began to dust off his cloak. At that instant, Sir Philbert, who had seen the whole thing from the doorway, rushed in and grabbed the enchanter by the neck.
“What? Another one?” shrieked the enchanter.
He was so confused that he turned himself into a dreadful combination of lion, wolf, dragon, and woman all at once. Sir Philbert gritted his teeth and hung on. The enchanter then turned into a unicorn, a falcon, a salmon, a chest of drawers, a saber-toothed tiger, and a burning wastepaper basket. Sir Philbert held on for dear life. At last, the enchanter turned into a wasp. This time, Sir Philbert almost did let go. But he thought of his health and of Victoria and of poor blustering Sir Brian, who was now a pelican, and he gripped the wasp tightly. It didn’t sting him after all.
Instead, it turned back into the enchanter, looking extremely sulky.
“Very well,” he panted. “You’ve won. What is your wish?”
“I want to take the spell off Sir Brian,” said Sir Philbert.
“What, right now?”
“At once.”
The enchanter chuckled disagreeably. “Very well,”
he said. He waved his hand. Sir Brian, who was at that moment flying low over a swamp, changed back into himself and fell plop! into the mud.
“Anything else?” said the enchanter.
“Yes,” said Sir Philbert, remembering the reason for the quest. “I want you to let the emperor’s daughter go.”
“Let her go? How can I let her go when I haven’t got her?”
“Oh, my,” groaned Sir Philbert. “I knew it was the wrong castle. Well, who did kidnap her?”
“She was kidnapped by Brasilgore,” said the enchanter. “And she has already been rescued.”
“She has? Where is she?”
“Downstairs in my courtyard,” snarled the enchanter. “Now, if there’s nothing else I can do for you, will you please go away?”
But Sir Philbert had already gone, down the stairs two at a time.
“And so Brasilgore the enchanter was a giant,” he said as he and Victoria went trotting off together, she riding more comfortably on Sir Brian’s horse. “But why didn’t you tell us?”
“You never asked me,” Victoria replied.
“That’s true. Well, I suppose I’d better take you home to your father as quickly as possible.”
They traveled until they came to the emperor’s empire. They entered the great city, and all the people ran out to cheer and stare and point. They came to the castle, and there was the emperor on a throne of ivory and emeralds. There also was Sir Brian, looking very muddy and rusty and bothered.
“Victoria, my darling, I’m so glad to see you again,” said the emperor, embracing her. “Sir Brian was telling me how he had failed to find you.”
Victoria hugged her father. “I must just tell you everything that has happened,” she cried. And so she did.
When she was finished, the emperor said, “I have sworn to give half my kingdom and my daughter’s hand to the man brave enough to rescue her.”
Sir Philbert blushed. “My lord,” he said, “I really don’t want half your kingdom. I have a nice little castle of my own, and it’s all I can do to manage it-but I would like to have Victoria.”
Victoria smiled and took his hand.
Then Sir Brian interrupted. “My lord emperor,” he cried, “that man didn’t rescue your daughter by bravery. He killed the giant by accident and the cockatrice by a trick.”
“Dear me,” said the emperor. He stroked his beard thoughtfully. “Now let me get this straight. Where is Sir Hugo of Brandish?”
“He died a hero’s death,
“Oh, you’re hurting me,” said the lady. “Not very knightly of you.”
“I beg your pardon,” said Sir Brian. He let go at once. The enchanter promptly waved his hand and
turned Sir Brian into a pelican, which gave a dismal squawk and flew out the window.
The enchanter changed back into himself and began to dust off his cloak. At that instant, Sir Philbert, who had seen the whole thing from the doorway, rushed in and grabbed the enchanter by the neck.
“What? Another one?” shrieked the enchanter.
He was so confused that he turned himself into a dreadful combination of lion, wolf, dragon, and woman all at once. Sir Philbert gritted his teeth and hung on. The enchanter then turned into a unicorn, a falcon, a salmon, a chest of drawers, a saber-toothed tiger, and a burning wastepaper basket. Sir Philbert held on for dear life. At last, the enchanter turned into a wasp. This time, Sir Philbert almost did let go. But he thought of his health and of Victoria and of poor blustering Sir Brian, who was now a pelican, and he gripped the wasp tightly. It didn’t sting him after all.
Instead, it turned back into the enchanter, looking extremely sulky.
“Very well,” he panted. “You’ve won. What is your wish?”
“I want to take the spell off Sir Brian,” said Sir Philbert.
“What, right now?”
“At once.”
The enchanter chuckled disagreeably. “Very well,”
he said. He waved his hand. Sir Brian, who was at that moment flying low over a swamp, changed back into himself and fell plop! into the mud.
“Anything else?” said the enchanter.
“Yes,” said Sir Philbert, remembering the reason for the quest. “I want you to let the emperor’s daughter go.”
“Let her go? How can I let her go when I haven’t got her?”
“Oh, my,” groaned Sir Philbert. “I knew it was the wrong castle. Well, who did kidnap her?”
“She was kidnapped by Brasilgore,” said the enchanter. “And she has already been rescued.”
“She has? Where is she?”
“Downstairs in my courtyard,” snarled the enchanter. “Now, if there’s nothing else I can do for you, will you please go away?”
But Sir Philbert had already gone, down the stairs two at a time.
“And so Brasilgore the enchanter was a giant,” he said as he and Victoria went trotting off together, she riding more comfortably on Sir Brian’s horse. “But why didn’t you tell us?”
“You never asked me,” Victoria replied.
“That’s true. Well, I suppose I’d better take you home to your father as quickly as possible.”
They traveled until they came to the emperor’s empire. They entered the great city, and all the people ran out to cheer and stare and point. They came to the castle, and there was the emperor on a throne of ivory and emeralds. There also was Sir Brian, looking very muddy and rusty and bothered.
“Victoria, my darling, I’m so glad to see you again,” said the emperor, embracing her. “Sir Brian was telling me how he had failed to find you.”
Victoria hugged her father. “I must just tell you everything that has happened,” she cried. And so she did.
When she was finished, the emperor said, “I have sworn to give half my kingdom and my daughter’s hand to the man brave enough to rescue her.”
Sir Philbert blushed. “My lord,” he said, “I really don’t want half your kingdom. I have a nice little castle of my own, and it’s all I can do to manage it-but I would like to have Victoria.”
Victoria smiled and took his hand.
Then Sir Brian interrupted. “My lord emperor,” he cried, “that man didn’t rescue your daughter by bravery. He killed the giant by accident and the cockatrice by a trick.”
“Dear me,” said the emperor. He stroked his beard thoughtfully. “Now let me get this straight. Where is Sir Hugo of Brandish?”
“He died a hero’s death,
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